165+ Coffee Jokes, Puns & One-Liners to Perk You Up

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Stir things up with these java-inspired jokes
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Coffee plays an important role in a lot of people’s lives, making it the perk-fect punchline for your next joke. In this article, we’re providing the ultimate list of coffee-related jokes and puns to put a smile on your face or to share with your java-loving buddies, whether you work as baristas or you're just coffee addicts like we are! Get ready to laugh a latte!

Coffee Jokes You’ll Love a Latte

  • What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy.
  • What’s the best Beatles song? Latte Be!
  • I like my coffee like I like my humor…dark and bitter.
  • What’s a barista’s favorite exercise? The French press.
  • What’s a coffee’s favorite compliment? “You’re brew-tiful.”
  • What do you call an espresso after a bad day? Depresso.
  • What is a coffee’s favorite karaoke song? “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.”
Section 1 of 6:

Funny Coffee Jokes

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  1. Whether you prefer a light roast or a dark roast, there are tons of coffee-related jokes about beans, brew, and more. Here are some hilarious options to help you get through the day:
    • What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy. [1]
    • How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
    • What did the coffee lover name her son? Joe.
    • How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it!
    • How do coffee beans propose? With a brew-tiful ring!
    • What’s a coffee’s favorite dance move? The jitterbug.
    • Where do birds go for a cup of joe? To the Nest-cafe.
    • What type of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
    • What’s a coffee’s worst fear? Getting roasted in public.
    • How does an IT person drink coffee? They install Java.
    • What’s a coffee’s favorite Shakespeare play? Macbrew.
    • How do you make a coffee float? You use heavy cream.
    • What’s a coffee’s favorite movie genre? Mocha-mentary.
    • What’s a coffee’s favorite romantic film? Groundhog Day.
    • What’s big, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee? Java the Hut.
    • What’s a coffee’s favorite compliment? “You’re brew-tiful.”
    • What did the coffee say to their date? Hey there, hot stuff!
    • How do you make beef jerky? Give the cows some coffee.
    • Why don’t snakes drink coffee? It makes them viper active.
    • What’s a coffee’s favorite social media platform? Insta-grind.
    • What’s a coffee bean’s favorite newspaper? The Daily Grind.
    • What’s is called when you steal someone’s coffee? Mugging.
    • What happens if you touch Dad’s coffee? You’ll be grounded.
    • What did the coffee lover name their cats? Cream and Sugar.
    • What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated.
    • How do coffee cups greet each other? With mugs and kisses.
    • What’s a coffee bean’s favorite vacation destination? aRoma!
    • What did one coffee bean say to the other? I brewlieve in you!
    • What currency can you use to buy coffee in space? Starbucks.
    • Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged.
    • What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work? Break fluid.
    • What do you call the first level of a coffee factory? The ground floor.
    • Why did the coffee go to therapy? It had too much grind on its mind.
    • What’s a coffee bean’s favorite thing to eat on Thanksgiving? Roast.
    • Why do coffee beans never get in trouble? They always stay grounded.
    • What do you call it when you steal someone’s coffee? A brew-tal crime.
    • What is a coffee’s favorite karaoke song? “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.”
    • How are coffee beans like teenagers? They’re always getting grounded.
    • What do coffee beans say to their Valentines? “You keep me grounded.”
    • How does a coffee say goodbye? It says, “I’ll catch you on the drip side.”
    • Why did the coffee shop close for the day? Because a storm was brewing.
    • What did the coffees say before their night out? Let’s stir up some trouble.
    • What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for coffee.
    • What is a coffee’s favorite Wham! Song? “Wake Me Up Before You Cocoa!”
    • What do you call 2 coffee mugs sitting beside each other? A happy cup-ple.
    • How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
    • What did one coffee pot say to the other? “Let me pour my heart out to you.”
    • Why did the kangaroo stop drinking his cup of coffee? It made him too jumpy.
    • What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee? Raw raw raw raw raw.
    • What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee? A brew-haha.
    • What did the director say at the end of the coffee commercial? That’s a frappe!
    • How does a serial killer like his coffee? How he likes his women—all ground up.
    • What’s a coffee’s favorite movie genre? Dramedy, because it’s a mix of dark and light.
    • What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before? Déjà brew.
    • What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? “What’s Sumatra with you?”
    • How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage? One person thinks it's grounds for divorce.
    • What did the 2 coffee enthusiasts say when they got married? We’re meant to bean together.
    • Why did it take the coffee bean so long to do its homework? Because it was procaffeinating.
    • What happened when a person forgot to brew their friend a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
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Section 2 of 6:

Espresso Jokes

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  1. Espresso is small, mighty, and packs a punch—sort of like the following jokes! Try one of these lines to im-press someone and get the giggles going:
    • What’s a coffee’s favorite spell? Espresso Patronum! [2]
    • How is divorce like espresso? It’s bitter and expensive. [3]
    • What do you call an espresso after a bad day? Depresso.
    • What’s an espresso’s favorite type of book? Short stories.
    • What do you call an espresso that’s running late? A slow drip!
    • Why should you be wary of a 5-cent espresso? It’s a cheap shot.
    • What did the espresso say to the coffee bean? You crack me up.
    • Why did the espresso keep checking its watch? It was pressed for time.
    • What’s an espresso’s favorite karaoke song? “Don’t Stop Bean-leaving.”
    • Why are espressos terrible at dating? They’re too intense for most people.
    • Why did the espresso break up with the latte? It couldn’t handle all the froth.
    • How do espressos greet each other? “Long time no steep! What’s brewing?”
    • Why did the espresso break up with the coffee bean? It wasn’t their cup of tea.
    • Why don’t espressos ever get into arguments? They know how to keep things smooth.
    • Why did Sabrina Carpenter order an espresso? Because she needed something short and sweet!
    • Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.
Section 3 of 6:

Latte Jokes

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  1. “Latte” sounds similar to “lotta,” which opens a world of puns and jokes. If you want to stir things up and show love to your favorite foamy drink, drop any of the following lines:
    • What’s the best Beatles song? Latte Be! [4]
    • What’s an attorney’s favorite drink? A law-te.
    • How does a coffee greet people? With a latte enthusiasm!
    • What’s a coffee’s favorite dessert? Anything with a latte sugar.
    • Why don’t coffee beans ever get tired? They have a latte energy.
    • Why did the latte go to art school? To learn some brew-tiful designs.
    • What’s a latte’s life motto? “Stay grounded and keep rising to the top!”
    • What do you call 2 coffee mugs sitting beside each other? A latte love.
    • What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
    • What do you call a latte with a coffee drink with a great personality? A delatte.
    • How do you know if you’ve found the perfect coffee house? They have a latte good seating.
    • Why do lattes make great detectives? They always know how to get to the bottom of things.
    • What did the 2 coffee loving best friends say to each other? Thanks a latte for being my friend.
    • What does a coffee lover say when they’re hitting on you? I’ve bean thinking about you a latte.
    • What did the coffee say to the latte after they spilled hot milk on each other? “Hey, don’t mocha me angry!”
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Section 4 of 6:

Barista Jokes

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  1. If you know someone who works as a barista, crack a joke about their job to make them smile (or sigh if it’s after working hours). Here are some un-brew-lievably funny options about taking orders, making drinks, and dealing with terrible customers:
    • What’s a barista’s favorite game? Hide and steep.
    • What did the gossiping baristas do? Spill the beans.
    • What’s a barista’s favorite exercise? The French press. [5]
    • What’s a barista’s favorite programming language? Java.
    • What do you call a barista with a magic touch? A brew-dini.
    • What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind!
    • Why was the barista fired? He kept showing up in a tea-shirt.
    • How do baristas stay so fit? They do a lot of pressing and lifting.
    • What is a barista’s favorite horror movie? The Grind of Your Life.
    • Why did the barista get promoted? They were espresso-ly talented!
    • How do baristas feel after a long day of work? Completely bean-ed out.
    • What’s a barista’s favorite kind of weather? Anything with a light drizzle.
    • What’s a barista’s favorite kind of movie? Anything with a brew-tiful storyline.
    • What do baristas say to their least favorite customers? “You mocha me crazy!”
    • Why don’t baristas ever get into fights? They don’t want to cause a brew-haha.
    • Why do baristas make terrible secret spies? They can’t stop spilling the beans.
    • What’s a barista’s favorite pick-up line? “You’re brew-tiful, and I like you a latte.”
    • Why did the barista bring a notebook to work? To jot down their brew-illiant ideas.
    • What did the barista say after making the perfect latte? “That’s a foam-tastic finish!”
    • Why did the barista get a tattoo of a coffee cup? To always wear their heart on their sleeve.
    • How did the barista break up with their partner? They said, “We’re just not the perfect blend.”
Section 5 of 6:

Coffee Puns and One-Liners

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  1. If there’s an opportunity to incorporate coffee-related humor into daily conversation, take it! These rich and nutty puns reference your favorite things to read and watch, and are absolute perk-fection:
    • AC/Decaf.
    • Just brew it.
    • The X-Filters.
    • Cool story, brew!
    • How you brewin’?
    • Espresso yourself.
    • Pretty Little Lattes.
    • Friday Night Lattes.
    • Back to the Frother.
    • You warm my heart.
    • The Polar Espresso.
    • That Thing You Brew!
    • Fleetwood Macchiato.
    • The Lord of the Beans.
    • The Count of Macchiato.
    • For Whom the Bean Tolls.
    • You mocha me very happy.
    • Coffee, the Vampire Slayer.
    • He’s Just Not That Into Brew.
    • The Red Hot Coffee Peppers.
    • The Brothers Caramel Mocha.
    • There’s Something about Mocha.
    • Coffee and I are the perfect blend.
    • Rage Against the Espresso Machine.
    • The Smashing Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
    • A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
    • Affogato tell you something…You’re the best!
    • Never make fun of a barista—they will roast you.
    • Words can’t describe how much you bean to me.
    • Some people lift weights. I prefer to French press.
    • I didn’t choose the mug life, the mug life chose me.
    • Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems. [6]
    • If this coffee is decaf, we’re gonna have a latte problems.
    • I drink so much coffee at work that it’s part of my daily grind.
    • I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
    • I was reading a book about the origin of cappuccino but it was all froth and no substance.
    • Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. I’m just heading down to the police station to look at a few mugshots.
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Section 6 of 6:

“I Like My Coffee” Jokes

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  1. “I like my coffee” jokes involve relating coffee to something completely random, which makes the joke hit even harder. Here are the best options to share your love or hatred for a person, place, or thing:
    • I like my coffee like I like my ex…I don’t like coffee.
    • I like my coffee like I like my humor…dark and bitter.
    • I like my coffee like I like my socks…warm and cozy.
    • I like my coffee like I like my Wi-Fi…fast and reliable.
    • I like my coffee like I like my women…rich and full-bodied.
    • I like my coffee like I like my plans…bold and full of potential.
    • I like my coffee like I like my life…disappointing and lukewarm.
    • I like my coffee like my workouts…strong, intense, and effective.
    • I like my coffee like I like my chocolate…dark, rich, and indulgent.
    • I like my coffee how I like myself…dark, bitter, and too hot for you.
    • I like my coffee like I like my relationships…strong and long-lasting.
    • I like my coffee like I like my weekends…hot, smooth, and enjoyable.
    • I like my coffee like I like my playlists…energizing and well-balanced.
    • I like my coffee like I like my mornings…warm, lazy, and slow to start.
    • I like my coffee like I like my weather…not too cold and not too steamy.
    • I like my coffee like I like my friends…warm, comforting, and a little nutty.
    • I like my coffee like I like my men…strong, rich, and first thing in the morning.
    • I like my coffee how I like myself…hot, caffeinated, and undisturbed by strangers.
    • I like my coffee like I like my birthday…with a little bit of whiskey when no one’s looking.
    • I like my coffee like I like my alarms…strong enough to wake me up but not give me a heart attack.

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      Tips

      • To come up with your own creative joke, play around with wordplay and coffee terminology. You could replace a word in a common phrase with “brew,” “grind,” “latte,” “mocha,” “decaf,” or other coffee-related terms.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.scarymommy.com/coffee-jokes
      2. ↑ https://www.daddilife.com/health/dad-jokes/coffee-jokes/
      3. ↑ https://www.scarymommy.com/coffee-jokes
      4. ↑ https://www.scarymommy.com/coffee-jokes
      5. ↑ https://www.scarymommy.com/coffee-jokes
      6. ↑ https://www.scarymommy.com/coffee-jokes

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