When asked about their relationship, you’ve likely heard someone say, “It’s complicated.” A complicated relationship is a romantic partnership that lacks healthy communication and boundaries. A couple that’s unable to express their wants and needs with each other won’t know how to make each other happy. If you resonate with this, it may be because you’re in a complicated relationship. Take a look at the guide below to learn the telling signs of complicated relationships and how to handle one.
Complicated Relationship Meaning
A complicated relationship occurs when partners have different values, expectations, or boundaries. People in complicated relationships often have trouble communicating with each other and expressing their wants and needs. One or both partners may struggle to commit fully to the relationship.
Steps
Signs of a Complicated Relationship
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Miscommunication It can be difficult to communicate openly and honestly in a complicated relationship. You might struggle to express yourself and speak your truth with your partner if your relationship is complicated. [3] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
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Lack of boundaries Your relationship is likely complicated if there are no set boundaries between you and your partner. This can look like not knowing how to define the relationship (friends with benefits, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.) or if your relationship is open or not. [4] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
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Struggling to commit You may be in a complicated relationship if you or your partner have a hard time being faithful. You might not be sure what terms the relationship is on, which can cause you to question whether or not you can be intimate with others.
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Trouble being yourself If you struggle to show your true self to your partner, it may be because you’re in a complicated relationship. You might suppress your thoughts and emotions because you’re unsure what they mean to you. [5] X Research source
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Feeling unhappy More often than not, if you’re in a complicated relationship, you’ll feel suppressed or depressed. Despite being with someone, you might feel uncharacteristically sad, uncomfortable, and/or lonely. [6] X Research source
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Constant fighting You’ll likely argue more with a partner because of miscommunications in a complicated relationship. Because there’s a lack of communication, there are probably more unresolved issues and buttons being pushed. [7] X Research source
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Dishonesty It may be easier to lie or suppress the truth in an unhealthy or complicated relationship. You might struggle to respect your partner, or they might struggle to respect you. [8] X Trustworthy Source State of Massachusetts Official website for the State of Massachusetts Go to source
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Uncertainty about the future You’ll rarely discuss the future in a complicated relationship. There's uncertainty about whether or not the relationship is long-term, so you and your partner might push aside conversations about the future altogether. [9] X Research source
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Clashing values If you’re in a complicated relationship, it may be hard to see eye-to-eye with your partner. You may struggle to share your opinions, or when they are revealed, discover that your beliefs are vastly different from your partner’s.
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Verbal, emotional, or physical abuse Abuse can be more likely in complicated relationships when compared to healthy, steady partnerships. While this isn’t always the case, you may be abused or treated toxically by a partner if your relationship is complicated or unhealthy. [10] X Research source
- Confide in someone you trust and/or a licensed professional if you’re in a toxic relationship and make a plan to end things with your partner .
How to Manage a Complicated Relationship
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Identify the problem. The first step to managing a complicated relationship is recognizing you’re in one. Ask yourself, “What makes my relationship complicated?” This may require a bit of soul-searching and self-analysis—don’t be afraid to dig deep into your values and beliefs. [11] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
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Find a way to communicate. Complicated relationships are often caused by a lack of communication, so reverse the effects by opening up to your partner. After all, the key to a healthy relationship is communication. [12] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Sit down together and determine the best way to communicate with one another. Maybe you go out to dinner at the end of each week or text each other thoughts and feelings as they come up throughout the day.
- Use “I” statements when expressing your wants and needs in a relationship. [13] X Research source For instance, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel like I’m not being heard.” [14] X Research source
- Keep in mind that communication is a two-way street. Remember to listen actively to your partner as well. [15] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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Take a break from the relationship if needed. Sometimes, taking some alone time is what’s best. [16] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If you’re unsure what you want in the relationship, take a break. Use the time to reflect on what you want and need from a partner moving forward. Focus on your needs.
- Meditation and journaling can be helpful self-reflecting tools during this time. [17] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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Ease back into relationships when you’re ready. If you took a break from the relationship, avoid rushing back into the dating field. Take your time—those who truly care about you will give you the space you need. [18] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source When the time feels right, try shooting your shot again, making sure to openly communicate from the start.
- Seek additional support. Reach out to a licensed counselor or therapist if you’re not sure what step to take next. Talking to someone one-on-one or as a couple can help you find a new perspective, identify issues, and establish a plan moving forward. [19] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
Expert Q&A
Tips
- Keep in mind that every relationship is different. Your relationship may show signs of being a complicated relationship, but you’re incredibly happy. At the end of the day, do what’s best for you.Thanks
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Chloe Carmichael, PhD .
References
- ↑ https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/sex-education/its-complicated-relationship-meaning
- ↑ https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/sex-education/its-complicated-relationship-meaning
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship.html
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202203/14-signs-unhealthy-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202203/14-signs-unhealthy-relationship
- ↑ https://youth.gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/characteristics
- ↑ https://www.mass.gov/info-details/recognizing-the-signs-of-unhealthy-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201502/51-signs-unhealthy-relationship
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/what-makes-relationship-unhealthy
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship.html
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
- ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/facdev-medicine/files/2011/08/I-messages-handout.pdf
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/effective-communication.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-difficult-family-relationships.htm
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_handle_a_toxic_relationship
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship.html
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
- ↑ https://wellness.mcmaster.ca/healthy-relationships-long-distance-communication-2/
- ↑ https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/sex-education/its-complicated-relationship-meaning