How Do You Control Your Thoughts?

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“Thoughts can be our worst friends,” says Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard, “and our worst enemies.” Everyone has had a moment when their mind has a mind of its own, but taking control of your thoughts can make you happier, less stressed, and better equipped to solve problems or attain goals. Read on to learn how to take ownership of your brain with insights from experts on adult counseling, meditation, and life coaching.

How do I control my thoughts?

  1. Stop and take deep breaths to clear your head.
  2. Focus only on the moment and what you can control.
  3. Observe your thoughts without judgment and understand they're just thoughts.
  4. Prioritize your mental health by getting 7-8 hours of sleep and being positive.
  5. Know your triggers and either avoid or prepare for them.
  6. Meditate to calm your thoughts so you can make wiser decisions.
Section 1 of 4:

How to Control Your Thoughts

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  1. Pause and take a deep breath . Pause an out-of-control train of thought by literally thinking, "STOP!" Take several deep breaths to collect yourself, so you can address your thoughts clearly and with a level head. [1]
    • By focusing your mind on your breathing for a moment, you give yourself some distance from your thoughts and make them easier to manage.
    • Studies show that it takes 90 seconds for neurochemical triggers to fade from your brain and return you to normal brain chemistry, so try counting to 90 to calm yourself down. [2]
  2. Ruminating on the past, which you have no power to change, or projecting into the future, which you can't possibly predict, are sure ways to lose control of your thoughts. Focus on the here and now — the very tangible situation you're in that you can control — and your thoughts will follow. [3]
    • Try a simple grounding technique like sitting in a chair and focusing on the sensations your feet feel as they touch the floor. This can help you connect with what you feel in the moment and tune out other concerns.
    • Many spiritual practices recommend staying in the moment to promote inner peace and clarity.
    • A simple question to ask yourself is: what can I do right now to change how I feel?
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  3. The human brain is an incredible organ capable of making imaginative leaps, recalling memories, and finding insights at a moment's notice. All this means that you can never control every thought — nor should you try. Instead, watch your thoughts come and go without any attachment and avoid repressing those you don't want to have. Accepting them may help you feel less anxious about them. [4]
    • Thinking about ignoring something, paradoxically, never works. Every time you think about not thinking about something, you are, of course, thinking about it!
  4. Question and challenge your negative thoughts . After pausing, return to your thoughts without critiquing yourself for having them and consider why you're having such thoughts and what triggered them. Then challenge them by asking yourself, "Is there evidence for or against this thought? Is ruminating on this helpful?" Under this type of interrogation, many of your irrational patterns of thinking will fall to pieces. [5]
  5. While you can't (and shouldn't) avoid all of your problems, be aware of specific words, sensations, or emotions that move your thoughts in a negative direction and prepare yourself when they arise. Structure your day to end on a positive trigger, like creative work, family time, or a good book, allowing you to spend downtime thinking about the things you love. [6]
    • Be aware of your thoughts during "trigger moments", again forgoing judgment or self-critique.
  6. Every time you have a self-defeating thought, turn it on its head and think of a positive or neutral alternative. Reframing your thoughts puts them in the context of objective reality, allowing you to better understand them. [7]
    • For example, when someone you love hasn't called in a while, instead of immediately assuming they're sick, in danger, or don't like you anymore, remind yourself they're probably just busy.
    • Another example is when you're worried that you'll mess up an important speech you're going to deliver at a conference. Imagine yourself giving the speech with no mistakes or mishaps. Cling to that image instead of focusing on the worst possible outcome. This reframing technique is called visualization can help you build your self-confidence and reduce your anxiety. [8]
  7. Sitting with your ideas without action leads to an endless cycle of thoughts. Make a plan to address your thoughts and worries you have control over, as uncertainty is often at the root of rogue thoughts. [9] If you can't stop thinking about work, for example, make a plan to separate your work life from your home life by taking time off, working less from home, or finding new work that you enjoy.
    • Once you make these plans, follow through with them. [10]
  8. Throughout the ages, meditation has been a vital tool helping people relax and take control of their thoughts. Find time to meditate daily, even if only for 5-10 minutes, especially during the days when your thoughts feel the most chaotic and distorted. [11]
    • Meditation has also been shown to lead to a healthy heart and body. [12]
    • Meditation coach Soken Graf suggests finding a time to meditate when you won't be distracted, like when everyone else in your household has gone to bed. Wear comfortable, loose-fitting clothes (or, if you're meditating in a group, dress like everyone else so you don't become a distraction). [13]
    • If you find your mind wandering during meditation, that's okay! According to Dr. Ni-Cheng-Liang, MD, mindfulness meditation isn't about clearing your head — it's about "training the mind to allow and accept whatever is here for you right now in the present moment." [14]
  9. Temporarily distract your mind with another activity. Go for a run, watch a movie, or call a friend to take your mind off the thoughts at hand. Do something immediately so you're not sitting around longer than necessary with your rogue thoughts. [15]
    • If, for example, you're waiting in line or feel out of control in a traffic jam, distract yourself by trying to count down from 100 by 7s.
    • Make a note of the activities that help you relax and work them into your weekly schedule.
    • Remember, however, that this is a short-term solution. You should still work on ways to contain your thoughts when you can't "escape" them.
  10. Having a fresh perspective on your thoughts can often clear them away in minutes, and sharing your feelings keeps them from repeating in your head over and over again. [16]
    • Good people to share with include friends, parents, and professional therapists.
    • If you're uncomfortable with opening up, start by saying, "I have something to get off my chest," or "I've had something on my mind all day. Would you mind listening for a moment?"
  11. 11
    Journal to get your thoughts on paper. Talking to others isn't the only way to clear your head. You can also write down your negative thoughts in a journal . According to life coach Leah Morris, journaling helps turn your thoughts into something more tangible than just concepts floating around in your brain. "When it's tangible," she says, "it can be more manageable." [17]
  12. Take care of your brain by getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night, managing your stress levels, and maintaining a positive outlook on life. [18]
    • Eating healthy and exercising regularly promotes good mental health as well as physical.
    • Try taking a walk out in nature. Green space is known to calm the mind, especially if you live in an urban environment. Find a park, beach, or hiking trail, and allow yourself to disconnect from your worries for a while. [19]
  13. Avoid obsessing over things that you ultimately can't control — i.e., other people, the weather, the news — and instead focus on yourself. [20] When you think about things outside of your control, remind yourself that the only person you can control is yourself. This doesn't mean you shouldn't try to impact the world around you, but the biggest difference you can make is in your own thoughts.
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Section 2 of 4:

Benefits of Controlling Your Thoughts

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  1. 1
    You control your mental well-being. When you can't control your thoughts, says Graf, "you're purely ruled by your nervous system and your environment." [21] Your environment can include other people whom you let influence you, including friends, family, co-workers, and followers on social media. By taking the reins of your mind, you're reclaiming responsibility for your own happiness and removing that power from external forces.
    • For example, when you're in control of your thoughts, you no longer feel compelled to let other people's negative criticism or gossip affect you.
    • You also understand that it's up to you to make yourself happy. For example, rather than let one bad interaction at work ruin your whole day, you choose to focus on the positive and cultivate a good attitude.
  2. 2
    Your thoughts are more constructive. Controlling your thoughts frees you to focus on constructive ways of thinking instead of negativity. For example, instead of beating yourself up when you make a mistake, you can feel regret and then ask yourself, "How can I do better in the future?" This, says adult counselor Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA, takes your negative pattern of thinking and switches it "to something more constructive where it can actually make a difference." [22]
  3. 3
    You're better at establishing boundaries . Having calm thoughts is key to understanding your wants and needs so you can communicate your boundaries with other people. In the opposite state of mind, you're not sure what you want or need, and your emotions are high. This makes you more vulnerable to other people's influence and your passions in the moment. When your thoughts are in your control, Lyubchenko says, you can invest in yourself and "not [rely] on any external circumstance to make you feel confident or safe or secure." [23]
    • For example, let's say you have a habit of thinking and worrying about work even after you clock out for the day. When you calm your mind and recognize your need to destress, you might work harder to establish a boundary between your professional and personal life (like turning off your Slack notifications or logging out of your work email after working hours).
  4. 4
    You make wiser decisions. There's an old adage that says, "Don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry." It's good advice because when you go to the store hungry, you start buying food that may not be healthy but sound irresistibly delicious to your empty stomach. [24] Similarly, when you're not in control of your thoughts, you tend to make decisions that aren't in your best interest. You'll make smarter and wiser choices when your mind is calm and can organize your thoughts (having a full stomach helps, too!).
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Section 3 of 4:

Using the Mind-Body Connection for Mental Health

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  1. 1
    The mind-body connection is how the mind and body influence each other. Our minds and bodies are intimately connected. Although scientists aren't 100% positive how or why it works, we can reduce anxiety and stress with physical actions (like deep breathing and exercising), just like we can control our voluntary actions by thinking about doing them (like lifting your hand to reach a high shelf). [25] It's an incredible system that helps us survive and cope with our emotions if we can only tap into it.
  2. 2
    Maintain your physical health for better mental health. Don't underestimate the power that physical health has on your mental well-being. You might be surprised how much calmer your thoughts are if you take a little time out of each day to move around, exercise, meditate, go outside, and journal. These activities may not sound like much, but doing them regularly may help you focus on something else besides your thoughts. [26]
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Section 4 of 4:

Final Takeaways

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  1. You have the power to control your own thoughts. While you can't choose the thoughts that come into your head, you can decide which ones get your attention. Focus on positive, constructive thoughts that make a difference. When you're really struggling to calm your mind, tap into the mind-body connection with deep breaths and exercise to reset your nervous system. Finally, recognize that there are a lot of things you can't control and give yourself permission not to worry about them.

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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I stop over-cleaning?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Schedule specific times of day to clean and set a timer. Leave the environment if possible or engage in another activity afterward. Consider getting professional help if you feel discomfort while not engaged in cleaning as this may be a symptom of OCD.
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  • Question
    I was told that I have uncontrol thoughts, and when my thoughts out of control I can't go into deep sleep. This has been a problem almost my whole adult life. I need help because I am 67 and I need to sleep. What can I do?
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Paul Chernyak, LPC
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Consider making a routine for sleep at least 2 hours before bed as this will help calm the mind and make it easier to fall asleep. Shut off electronics and avoid exercise as well. Also, engage in mindfulness practices during this time.
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  • Question
    How can I better control my thoughts?
    Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA
    Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist
    Julia Lyubchenko is an Adult Counselor and a Hypnotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Julia opened her practice in 2012, Therapy Under Hypnosis, specializing in resolving emotional and behavioral problems. She has a Certificate in Clinical Hypnosis from the Bosurgi Method School and is certified in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy. She earned an MA in Counseling Psychology and Marriage and Family Therapy from Alliant International University and an MSc in Developmental and Child Psychology from Moscow State University.
    Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA
    Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist
    Expert Answer
    Try to focus on problems that are within your control. For example: you can't control the rain, but you can control whether you take an umbrella and the right clothes with you. You can worry about the rain or you can make sure that you're prepared for the rain. Try to switch between allowing your mind to go to the negative, develop negative scenarios, or switch it to something more constructive where you can actually make a difference.
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      Tips

      • Remember, especially if you're doing creative work, completely controlling your thoughts can prevent surprising insights or breakthroughs.
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      • While these steps are a start, you need to experiment and personalize to find what works best for you.
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      Warnings

      • If you're having trouble controlling serious depressive, violent, or suicidal thoughts, please call emergency services or your mental health professional immediately.
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      • Never use substances like alcohol or drugs to try to control your thoughts.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-right-mindset/202004/the-90-second-rule-builds-self-control
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/dealing-with-uncertainty.htm
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-mishaps/201410/controlling-my-intrusive-thoughts
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/anxiety/cognitive-distortions-put-an-end-to-distorted-thinking
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/mental-mishaps/201410/controlling-my-intrusive-thoughts
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/anxiety/cognitive-distortions-put-an-end-to-distorted-thinking
      8. ↑ https://www.betterup.com/blog/visualization
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-s-mental-health-matters/201509/7-ways-deal-negative-thoughts
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/now-is-everything/200907/how-take-action-daunting-project
      2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-meditate-and-top-benefits/
      3. ↑ https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation-and-mindfulness-what-you-need-to-know
      4. ↑ Soken Graf. Certified Meditation Coach. Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.
      5. ↑ Ni-Cheng Liang, MD. Board Certified Pulmonologist. Expert Interview. 18 June 2021.
      6. ↑ https://healthtalk.org/experiences/depression/depression-distraction-activities-and-creativity/
      7. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/talking-through-problems
      8. ↑ Leah Morris. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 19 June 2020.
      9. ↑ https://mhanational.org/taking-good-care-yourself
      10. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/nurtured-nature
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201705/how-stop-worrying-about-things-you-cant-change
      12. ↑ Soken Graf. Certified Meditation Coach. Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.
      13. ↑ Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA. Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist. Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.
      14. ↑ Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA. Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist. Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.
      15. ↑ https://www.reuters.com/article/business/healthcare-pharmaceuticals/no-really-dont-shop-when-youre-hungry-study-idUSBRE9450TG/
      16. ↑ https://news.uchicago.edu/story/mind-body-connection-not-one-way-street
      17. ↑ https://news.uchicago.edu/story/mind-body-connection-not-one-way-street

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      A fast and effective way to take control of your thoughts and emotions is to tell yourself to “STOP!” Next focus on your breath, which allows you time to gain some peace of mind. While bringing attention to the breath, count to 90 to allow your brain to return to its normal state of being. Long term, you can learn to maintain control of your thoughts by eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, meditating, and reframing your thoughts in a positive light. To learn more from our Counselor co-author, like how to be aware of the things that trigger your bad thoughts, keep reading!

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