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The decision to have children is a wonderful and exciting thing for a couple. However, if you are ready but your husband is not, it may cause problems in an otherwise good marriage. Before you start guilting or forcing your husband to have a baby, learn how to convince him to have a baby in a way that may reduce conflict.
Steps
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Think about any prior discussions you have had about children. One thing you may want to think about before you talk to your husband about having a baby is any previous conversations you have had about them. This may be information you can use to help your case.
- Did he say he wanted children before you got married? Did he say he never wanted children? If he said he wanted children, you can discuss this knowledge with him. If he said he never wanted to have children, you should discuss how you believed he would change his mind after being married for awhile.
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Set aside a weekly discussion time. During the process of convincing your husband to have a baby, schedule a block of time each week to discuss the prospect of a child. This achieves a few different things for both of you.
- You both have time to step away and collect your thoughts before you talk again. You can even write down points to make, counterpoints, or new reasons to try to convince him.
- Stepping away gives you both a chance to get your emotions and anger under control. This helps you be able to think logically and convince him calmly and rationally instead of getting emotional and angry and pushing him away from the idea.
- Talking about it during a set time helps you refrain from nagging him. If you keep pushing him all day every day, you may convince him not to have a baby instead.
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Discuss your husband’s fears. If your husband is hesitant about having another child, ask him about his reservations. Figure out why he is hesitant. His fears may be valid, like if you are not in a financially stable place. Talk to your husband and find out what he’s scared of. [1] X Research source
- Make sure to listen to what your husband says. Though you may want to have a baby, his feelings are just as valid as yours. Don’t dismiss his thoughts just because you want a baby.
- If you believe you can have a baby despite his fears, discuss this with him. Come up with ways to make it work for your current situation.
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Listen to his reasons for not wanting a child. During your discussion about having a child, you should listen to your husband. While it may be hard to listen when he’s so against something you want, you are both partners for one another. He is one-half of the marriage and deserves to be heard. [2] X Research source
- Ask him why he doesn’t want children. Don’t argue, but listen to his reasons without interruption.
- Be polite to each other when listening to each other’s wants and feelings. Be respectful and don’t be judgmental about your husband’s opinions.
- It may be difficult to stay calm when you are emotional about having a child. If you get too upset and start crying, that's okay. Take a few deep breaths before speaking. If needed, get up and take a brief walk around the house to diffuse your anger.
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Share your fears about having a child. Let your husband know that you have concerns about having a baby. Even if you want a baby, there are still concerns about bringing another member into the family. Sharing your fears may help reassure your husband and make him not feel so alone. [3] X Research source
- Tell your husband if you are worried about how it will change the family dynamic, affect your other children, or how it will affect your finances.
- Bring up all the other changes that may happen in your marriage, such as changes in your relationship.
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Bring your husband details of your finances. You need to show your husband that the two of you can successfully have a baby. One thing that may hold people back from expanding a family is finances. When you are broaching the subject with your husband, show him evidence that you are financially sound.
- Show your husband that you have looked at your savings and annual income and adjusted expenses to accommodate the new addition.
- Bring up your careers. Talk about how you both are in good positions at your jobs. Explain to your husband that a baby won't interfere with your jobs.
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Mention your biological clock. Unlike men, women have a limited amount of time to have babies. For some women, it's longer than others. Explain to your husband that time is a factor where babies are concerned.
- Tell your husband what you feel about your age and your biological clock. Do you think you are too old? Do you think there are a limited number of years left for you to get pregnant?
- Discuss the difficulties you may have getting pregnant, or the length of time you may have to try.
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Mention your future child during activities he loves. Most men have dreams of teaching their children how to play their favorite sports. Others may dream of taking their kids hunting and fishing or working on cars together. Whatever your husband’s interests, use it to your advantage. Mention your future kids to him while he’s participating in his favorite activity to get him thinking about passing it on to his kids. [4] X Research source
- For example, if your husband is into baseball, watch a baseball game with him. During the game, mention how great it would be to teach your children how to play baseball, dress them in a onesie with his favorite team’s logo on it, or take them to games.
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Talk with your husband about your future possibilities. If you want a child, start discussing with your husband the exciting possibilities your future holds. Talk to him about what you’re looking forward to about having a child. Come up with stories and ideas about what you think your family will be like and what you think your child will be like. [5] X Research source
- Ask him how he might feel teaching his kid to drive or watching his baby start walking.
- Talk to him about what it might feel like to hear his baby say “Da-da” for the first time. Ask him about how it will feel to have a daddy’s girl or a son to bear his name.
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Be patient. Give your husband time to adjust to the idea of having a child if he is reluctant. Having a child is a huge decision, even if you have children already. People come to huge life decisions at different speeds. You may be ready, and he may be in the future. Be supportive and understanding as you continue talking about having a kid. [6] X Research source
- If you love your husband no matter his decision about kids, tell him that.
- If you want to give him an ultimatum because you don’t want to be with him if you don’t have a baby, you should think about consulting a marriage counselor.
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Avoid deliberately skipping birth control. Though you may want to have a baby despite your husband’s wishes, you should never skip birth control so you accidentally get pregnant. This type of behavior can lead to a lot of problems in your relationship, and further convince your husband not to have a baby. [7] X Research source
- Lying about your birth control or manipulating your husband can lead to trust issues. The risk of getting pregnant is not worth potentially serious problems in your marriage.
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Refrain from talking about babies all the time. If you want to have a baby, you need to discuss it with your husband. However, try not to bring it up every second of every day. Nagging your husband about the baby is going to accomplish nothing but pushing him farther away from the idea.
- If your husband is resistant, leave it alone for a bit, then return to it later.
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Enjoy the family you have at the moment. Pressuring your husband for a baby won’t make anyone happy. Obsessing about wanting a baby when your husband doesn’t may lead to resentment or feelings of pressure that may lead him to never wanting a baby. Instead, focus on the family you have at the moment. [8] X Research source
- Having a good, strong family now may convince your husband that he wants to expand it in the future.
- If you already have one kid, enjoy the child you have. Let your husband enjoy that child. He may eventually decide he wants to add to the family.
- If you don’t have children yet, having a strong marriage and being happy may lead him to wanting to expand the family.
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References
- ↑ https://sg.theasianparent.com/convince-your-husband-to-have-a-baby-now/
- ↑ https://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5054a_qa.html
- ↑ https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/adoption-blog/i-want-to-adopt-my-partner-does-not/
- ↑ https://sg.theasianparent.com/convince-your-husband-to-have-a-baby-now/2/
- ↑ https://sg.theasianparent.com/convince-your-husband-to-have-a-baby-now/3/
- ↑ https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/adoption-blog/i-want-to-adopt-my-partner-does-not/
- ↑ https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/07/dear-prudie-i-tricked-my-boyfriend-into-getting-me-pregnant.html
- ↑ https://dearwendy.com/i-want-another-baby-my-husband-doesnt/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If your husband’s reluctant to have a baby, there are a few different angles you can take to help convince him. Try casually asking what his objections are to having a baby so you can think about your counterarguments. If he’s concerned about money, compare your finances with the cost of having a child and show him that you can afford it. If he thinks it’s too soon, explain about your biological clock and how women have a certain window when it’s best to have children. You can also mention exciting things he’ll do with your child, like teaching them to ride a bike, hearing their first word, and watching them walk for the first time. Try to be patient and space out conversations about children so you don’t overwhelm your husband. For more tips from our co-author, including how to choose a good time to talk about children, read on!
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