How to Cope With a Sibling Leaving for College

Co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW

Last Updated: April 23, 2023 References

Dorm rooms, textbooks, and finals—oh my! Your sibling is heading off to college and learning how to live on their own, which can be both scary and exciting. But what about your feelings? You’re dealing with some major changes, too. With all the attention on your sibling, it can feel like you’re getting left behind. But don’t worry. There are plenty of ways you can stay in touch and keep yourself busy so you can cope with your feelings.

1

Help them move into their dorm to keep yourself busy.

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Ease the transition by distracting yourself. Moving into a dorm takes a lot of work and you can really make a difference by helping your sibling with the moving process. Unload boxes, help them set up their stuff, and decorate the space with them. Plus, by keeping yourself busy, you won’t have time to feel sad or upset. ^{[1]
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- It’s also important to be respectful of your sibling’s wishes. If they want to do something on their own, don’t try to force your way in.

2

Make plans to see each other during holidays and vacations.

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Plan a fun summer or Christmas break. While you may not be able to see your sibling every day or every weekend, they’ll have breaks and vacations throughout the year where they can come back home. Think about fun things you can do together and make plans with your sibling for when they do visit home. ^{[2]
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- For instance, you can find out what movies are coming out in the winter so you can make plans to go to the theaters with your sibling when they visit home for Christmas break.

3

Schedule regular calls to stay in touch.

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Harness the power of modern technology. Staying in touch can get tricky when your sibling moves out for college. You have your life at home and school, and your sibling is getting adjusted to their new life at college. One simple solution is to schedule a time for you to call your sibling so both you and they can plan around it. ^{[3]
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- For example, you could set Sunday afternoon at 3 p.m. as a regular weekly call with your sibling.
- You aren’t limited to just calls and texts! You can use apps or programs such as Skype, Zoom, or Facetime to video call your sibling and see them when you talk to them. ^{[4]
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- Texts are super easy to send and you won’t really disturb or disrupt their day. Send them a funny meme that you think they’ll like. Tell them about something crazy that happened to you. Stay connected through short messages that let them know you’re thinking of them. ^{[5]
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4

Put up pictures of your sibling in your room.

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Seeing your sibling can help you deal with their absence. Find photos of your sibling that you like or take some new ones with them. Print them out or use a photo printing service at your local pharmacy. You can also order prints online from sites like Shutterstock. Frame the photos and hang them up in your room so you can see their face every day. ^{[6]
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- You could also use a digital photo frame, which cycles through multiple photos that you upload to it.

5

Talk to your parents when you’re missing your sibling.

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Reach out for help if you’re struggling. Your parents miss your sibling too. If you’re feeling especially down or you’re just thinking about your sibling a lot, try mentioning it to your parents. You can talk about how much you love and miss your sibling and it may make you feel better. ^{[7]
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- If you’re feeling really depressed and sad, talk to a therapist or counselor. They can give you tools that can help you cope with your feelings.

6

Send them a gift that reminds them of home.

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Surprise them with a little treat from home. Who doesn’t love getting a surprise gift? Find some local goodies that you know they’ll love as well as some of their favorite treats. Package them up and ship them to your sibling’s college address. Don’t tell them a package is coming so they’ll be extra surprised when they open it. ^{[8]
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- For instance, if your hometown is famous for its strawberry jam or your sibling enjoys a special brand of coffee, you could send it to them to brighten their day and let them know you’re thinking of them.

7

Get excited about your future college plans.

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When your sibling goes away to college, you’re actually really lucky. You get a chance to see what’s potentially in store for you. That can make you even more prepared for the experience than your sibling was. Think about how exciting it’ll be when you get your chance to go away as well. It may make you feel a little better about your sibling leaving. ^{[9]
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8

Get involved in new activities to keep yourself occupied.

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Join a new club or volunteer at a local charity. Try out a new sport or start reading a new series of books. Find activities that you enjoy so can have some fun and keep yourself occupied, which can help stop you from feeling sad or lonely.

9

Embrace your new role in the family dynamic.

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Take on more responsibility around your home and ask your parents if they need help with any household chores. If you have younger siblings, try getting closer to them so they have someone to talk to and look up to. With your sibling gone to college, now is a great time for you to step up and help fill the void they’ve left behind. ^{[10]
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10

Focus on the positive changes of your sibling being gone.

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You don’t have anybody you have to share a bathroom with or fight over a remote with. Your parents will have more time and attention to give to you. When your sibling moves out, there are also a lot of benefits and positive changes that you can enjoy. Try to enjoy them! ^{[11]
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11

Set up your room if you’re getting a new one.

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If you shared a room with your sibling, or if you get to have their bedroom when they move out, think of all the possibilities! You’ll have some extra space and privacy. Take some time to decorate and arrange the room just the way you like it. ^{[12]
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Tips

Remember that your sibling is also dealing with a lot of new changes. Try not to overwhelm them with calls and texts.

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Texts are always a safe bet because they can check the message and respond whenever they get a chance.

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Warnings

If you’re feeling depressed, try talking to your parents, a counselor, or a therapist to get some help.

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How to Cope With a Sibling Leaving for College

Steps

Help them move into their dorm to keep yourself busy.

Make plans to see each other during holidays and vacations.

Schedule regular calls to stay in touch.

Put up pictures of your sibling in your room.

Talk to your parents when you’re missing your sibling.

Send them a gift that reminds them of home.

Get excited about your future college plans.

Get involved in new activities to keep yourself occupied.

Embrace your new role in the family dynamic.

Focus on the positive changes of your sibling being gone.

Set up your room if you’re getting a new one.

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