How to Find a Cuddle Buddy (and Make It Work)

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Learn what it takes to find (and be) a professional cuddler
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Is it possible to cuddle without things getting hot and heavy? Why, yes, yes, it is! What you’re thinking of is a cuddle buddy , and it’s a lot like a friend with benefits—but with no sex, only snuggles. Want to learn more? Keep reading to uncover what a cuddle buddy relationship typically entails, how it differs from a FWB relationship, how to find a cuddle buddy of your own, and the many health benefits of regular physical affection.

Cuddle Buddies at a Glance

A cuddle buddy is someone you snuggle with platonically without the expectation of sex or romantic intimacy. Cuddle buddies could be friends or acquaintances, ex-partners, family members, or people you find on cuddle buddy apps or at cuddle parties.

Section 1 of 6:

What is a cuddle buddy?

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  1. Cuddling doesn’t have to be reserved for romantic or sexual relationships—we all need affection and physical touch now and then! Cuddle buddies are people who will give you that, but without the expectation of things progressing further.
    • Your cuddle buddy might be someone you know and with whom you’ve set up some ground rules about the nature of your relationship, but there are also cuddle buddy social events in which you cuddle with consenting strangers.
    • You could also hire a professional cuddle buddy to offer you physical affection, or even become a professional cuddle buddy yourself!
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Section 2 of 6:

Cuddle Buddy vs. Friend with Benefits

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  1. Part of the point of a cuddle buddy, on the other hand, is that there’s no expectation for sex—just good old-fashioned snuggling up together! A friends with benefits relationship involves sex, but without the emotional intimacy or commitment of a romantic relationship. [1]
    • Of course, these are the differences in broad strokes—the particulars of a friends-with-benefits or cuddle buddies relationship depend on the people involved and the rules they’ve outlined together.
    • For instance, some friends with benefits may agree not to hang out outside the bedroom to avoid becoming more emotionally intimate and endangering the platonic nature of the relationship.
    • Cuddle buddies, too, may establish rules around what sort of cuddling is allowed—for example, maybe they’d allow hugging
Section 3 of 6:

How do I find a cuddle buddy?

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  1. Have a friend you don’t have romantic or sexual feelings for but who you’d love to cuddle with while watching a movie? Consider asking directly if they’d be up for a platonic cuddling arrangement. You could also ask a family member you’re close to if they’d cuddle with you.
    • Some people fall into cuddle buddy-esque relationships with platonic pals naturally, but it’s typically best to be straightforward about your needs, expectations, and boundaries to make sure no lines get crossed.
    • Hey, Jeff, we get along so well, and you’re so friendly and fun, that I was wondering if you’d be interested in a cuddle buddy relationship, where we sometimes cuddle while we’re hanging out but without things moving beyond the platonic cuddle zone?
    • Ally, you’re one of my best friends and I feel so safe with you! Since we’re both pretty physically affectionate people, do you think you’d be down for a cuddle buddy arrangement, where we snuggle but without things escalating any further?
  2. Apps like Cuddle Comfort match you with a professional cuddler in your area, similar to a dating app—but without the dating part. So the next time you feel in need of some physical attention (or just want a hug without the expectation that things will go further), scroll the app to find a cuddle buddy in your area!
    • Apps are great ways to find willing buddies if you don’t have a friend you can start a cuddle buddy relationship with, or if you’re nervous about approaching a friend to be your cuddle buddy.
  3. Companies like Cuddle Party facilitate cuddle buddy social events around the country, at which you may cuddle with other consenting adults. Cuddle buddy events not only offer needed physical interaction and affection, but they also teach participants about how to explore their own boundaries and assert them, and to practice consent with others.
    • Ticket prices to attend a cuddle party vary, but you can generally expect to pay between $30-$40. [2]
  4. Cuddling is a two-way street! There are loads of people online interested in platonic snuggling without the possibility of the relationship turning sexual. Check out the cuddle buddies subreddit , for instance, to find postings by available cuddle buddies in your area.
  5. While body pillows aren’t the same as real people, snuggling with a body pillow —especially if it’s shaped like a person or animal—can help you feel safer and more secure. Whether you’re missing a person you’re used to cuddling with (like an ex, a partner who’s away, or an actual cuddle buddy), a body pillow can be a solid substitute.
    • Body pillows are also great options for people who’d rather not cuddle with a real person.
    • There are even stuffed animals called Cuddle Buddys that you can personalize with photos of loved ones, to make your stuffed animal snuggle sesh more meaningful.
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Section 4 of 6:

Can I hire a professional cuddle buddy?

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  1. There are professional cuddling services, like Snuggle Salon or Cuddlist , through which you can hire someone to cuddle you. [3] Generally, this will involve you going to the business to be cuddled, so if you're looking for someone to cuddle you in your home, you'll probably have to find a friend!
    • Prices start at around $60 per session.
    • Be sure to thoroughly research any company before agreeing to meet with anyone or paying any money. Some cuddle buddy companies have been known to scam clients.
    • Want to become a professional cuddle buddy yourself? Both Cuddlist and Snuggle Salon offer cuddler training so you can become someone else's special snuggle buddy!
Section 5 of 6:

Cuddle Buddy Rules

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  1. To clarify, that means romantic or sexual feelings, not positive, warm feelings generally (you probably should cuddle with someone who you like and feel safe around!). But picking an ex you’re not over or someone you’ve got a crush on and hope to date someday isn’t advisable. [4]
    • It’s not just unfair to you to agree to a relationship that can’t give you what you want, it’s unfair to your buddy to agree to be platonic when you’re harboring secret more-than-friends feelings.
  2. Before embarking on a cuddle buddy journey with someone, set some basic ground rules about what you want from the relationship and what you expect from the other person. Be sure you both clarify exactly what you’re looking for (and not looking for) and what you’re comfortable with, and that you understand the other person’s boundaries.
    • It’s imperative to respect your cuddle buddy’s boundaries and to find a cuddle buddy whom you trust to respect your boundaries as well.
    • For instance, maybe in your cuddle buddy relationship, kissing is allowed, but French kissing isn’t. State this from the get-go and be sure your buddy understands and agrees.
  3. The point of a cuddle buddy relationship is that things don’t cross over into sexual territory. Generally speaking, removing clothes crosses that line, so unless you and your buddy have explicit rules stating that it’s OK to remove clothes, stay dressed during your snuggle sesh!
  4. Practice good hygiene before snuggling up with someone: shower regularly, apply deodorant, wear clean clothes—basic stuff. Depending on your cuddle buddy, they may appreciate you doing more or less than this. Make sure you have a solid understanding of what you both expect as far as hygiene goes. [5]
  5. Cuddle buddies often meet up to literally Netflix and chill, but one steamy sex scene can compromise the integrity of the cuddle buddy relationship. As a general rule, avoid movies with explicit sex or anything that might set either of your loins aflame.
    • Maybe this also means not lighting candles or cuddling in your bed or anything that might signify “sexy time.” It’s up to you and your buddy, but be aware of what might trigger sexy feelings or impulses and try to avoid them.
  6. You and your buddy might be exclusive, or you might not be. In either case, if jealousy rears its ugly head, it’s a sign you’re feeling more emotionally attached to your buddy than you probably should be. If you find yourself getting possessive of your buddy, take a step back and reevaluate whether you should continue with the relationship.
    • If you get jealous, don’t beat yourself up about it—it happens to the best of us! But like a friends with benefits relationship, the cuddle buddy relationship is most successful when both partners aren’t possessive of one another.
  7. Remember that the rules of the cuddle buddy relationship aren’t hard and fast, and your boundaries can change over time to become more or less flexible. Plus, your feelings towards your buddy will likely change over time as well. For these reasons, checking in every few weeks or months (your mileage may vary) to see how your buddy is doing with the relationship and to see if any rules need reevaluating is always a good idea.
    • Try asking something like, “Now that we’ve been doing this for X weeks, I wanted to see how you’re feeling about everything. Any rules need revisiting or tweaked?”
    • If you want to address something, try, “When we first started doing this, I felt fine with lying down and cuddling, but I actually think it’s feeling a little too intimate to me now. Can we just stick to sitting up and cuddling?”
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Section 6 of 6:

Benefits of Cuddling

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  1. The physical and mental health benefits of hugging and cuddling—even with strangers—are well-documented: hugging can decrease stress, boost your immune system, and help you feel more connected to others, which can help you feel safe and less alone. Here are some other benefits of cuddling: [6]
    • Cuddling requires less stress than a traditional relationship.
    • Cuddling allows asexual and aromantic folks to enjoy physical affection without sex or romance.
    • Cuddling releases oxytocin, the feel-good chemical, which can help you sleep better . [7]
    • Cuddling boosts your self-esteem and makes you feel wanted, even if not sexually.
    • Cuddling up with a friend can provide you with some welcome extra body heat !

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      Tips

      • Keep in mind that physical affection is often linked to romance and sex in our society. When proposing a cuddle buddy relationship to someone, know that even if you stress that you aren’t after anything romantic or sexual, some people may still interpret your invitation that way.
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      • If you ask a friend if they'd be your cuddle buddy and they turn down your proposal, try not to take it personally. Be gracious about it and stress that there’s no harm done.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-of-love/202404/why-are-friends-with-benefits-on-the-rise
      2. ↑ https://cuddleparty.com/events/
      3. ↑ https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/takes-professional-cuddler-175059499.html
      4. ↑ https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/naughty-affairs/cuddle-buddy-rules-to-avoid-turning-into-fck-buddies
      5. ↑ https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/naughty-affairs/cuddle-buddy-rules-to-avoid-turning-into-fck-buddies
      6. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/why-hugging-is-actually-good-for-your-health-video
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-neurochemical-self/201606/3-reasons-why-you-should-cuddle-more

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