How to Date Someone Who Works Nights

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When you or your partner works nights, it can be hard to find time for a quick meal together, let alone romance and intimacy. How do you maintain a happy and healthy relationship when one of you is working odd hours? Fortunately, it's still possible to keep the romance alive. Keep reading to learn how to have a strong relationship even when one works the night shift.

1

Respect each other’s sleep schedule.

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    It can be really tempting to stay awake so you can spend more time with your partner, but not sleeping enough can make you feel irritable. Talk to your partner about what times you’ll both be sleeping and when you’ll both be awake. When your partner is asleep, avoid disturbing them or trying to wake them up so they can feel refreshed. [1]
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2

Plan creative dates around your schedule.

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    Since whoever works nights will want to catch up on sleep during the day, you’ll have to find dates for the early morning or late afternoon. Look over your schedules and pick a time when you’re both awake and available to get together. [2] Some fun and creative date ideas you could try include:
    • Watching the sunrise together
    • Taking an afternoon trip to a museum
    • Catching a matinee at the movie theater
    • Enjoying a meal together before or after the shift
    • Hitting the gym for an early or late workout session
3

Prioritize time for intimacy.

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    If you feel like you haven’t had a lot of time to be intimate with your partner because of your schedules, plan times to bond and keep that spark alive. Look for times where you can cuddle, have sex, and work on your physical chemistry without distractions so it doesn’t feel like you’re growing more distant when one of you is at work. [3]
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4

Send texts to each other throughout your shifts.

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    Try to send your partner a loving message when you have a chance. Keep them updated on your day and ask how they’re doing so they know that you care. Even if they don’t have time to reply, they’ll appreciate you checking in whether they’re at work or waiting for you to get home from your shift.
    • “Hey you ❤️ just woke up and I’m missing you! Hope your shift has been easy so far 😘”
    • “I’m just about to go to bed, but I wanted to say goodnight and have fun at work! I’ll be dreaming of you 😉”
    • “I hope you’ve been sleeping well. Work has been crazy, but it’s made the night go fast. I can’t wait to see you in the morning!”
    • You can even send an especially sexy or romantic message to really turn up the heat. [5]
5

Leave each other love notes.

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    Even if it seems old-fashioned, a short and sweet love letter gives your partner something to read and remember you by for the whole day. If your partner is leaving for a shift, pack a small note in their lunchbox or set it near their keys. If you’re the one working at night, leave a note on a bedside table or another place your partner will see it when they wake up. [6]
    • “Just a little reminder that you’re amazing and I love you!”
    • “Go make it a great day at work! I’m rooting for you!”
    • “Good morning! I can’t wait to see you when you get home!”
    • Feel free to leave long love letters, too! When your partner gets home, read it out loud and share all the different ways you appreciate and love them. [7]
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6

Take advantage of holidays and days off.

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    [8] You’ll probably have a few days and major holidays off that will line up with your partner, so take advantage of your off-time when you can. Plan to see each other and hang out doing something fun so you can stay connected with them.
7

Plan a vacation together.

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    If you both have some vacation time to use or can afford a day off, plan a long weekend or a day trip where you can get away with your partner. Vacations are really important for when you’re feeling physically and emotionally drained, and they can help you refocus on your relationship if work has been stressing you out lately.
    • You don’t have to travel when you take time off. A relaxing staycation will work just as well to help you feel refreshed.
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8

Be present when you’re together.

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    When you have limited time to see your partner before or after their work shift, just spending time in the same room together isn't enough. Put your phones away, get rid of any distractions, and focus on bonding with one another. Have some deep conversations, do an activity together, and show affection towards your partner to make the most of your time. [9]
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    Be honest with yourself about what's taking up your time outside of the relationship. Then, consider how you can adjust your schedule to make time for your partner. For instance, think of ways to adjust certain hobbies and activities to do things together.


9

Make time for self-care.

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    Working nights or supporting a partner that works nights can start taking its toll on you emotionally, so look for relaxing ways to recenter yourself. Make sure you maintain a healthy diet, practice stress relief, and take care of your health so you’re feeling 100%. Some things you can do to unwind and recharge include: [10]
    • Reading your favorite book
    • Meditating
    • Doing yoga
    • Going for a walk
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10

Focus on your goals and interests when you’re alone.

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    Take your mind off of your partner to work on some personal projects. Put time and energy into something you want to achieve or rekindle your interest in an old hobby. That way, you stay productive and focus on another thing you love while you’re taking your mind off of missing your partner. [11]
11

Talk with your partner if you’re still struggling.

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    If it still feels like you’re having trouble connecting or balancing your time together, sit down and have a conversation about what’s going on. Use “I” statements to focus on your emotions so it doesn’t feel like you’re blaming them. Once they hear how you’re feeling, you can brainstorm or ask for ways to make it work together. [12]
    • “I start to feel lonely when you leave for work at night without saying goodbye. I know you don’t want to wake me up, so is there another way you could tell me before you go?”
    • “I feel like we haven’t had a lot of time to focus on us lately. Can we carve out a weekend just for us so we can reconnect a little?”
    • “I’ve felt that there’s been some distance growing between us over the past couple of weeks. Has something changed at work that we should talk about?”
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      References

      1. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-you-can-sleep-better-if-you-work-the-night-shift/
      2. ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
      3. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/5-keys-to-keeping-love-alive-through-the-graveyard-shift-0128155
      4. ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
      5. ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
      6. ↑ https://www.inc.com/drew-hendricks/5-hacks-for-making-it-work-when-you-have-opposite-shifts-as-your-spouse.html
      7. ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
      8. ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
      9. ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
      1. ↑ https://www.concorde.edu/about-us/blog/career-tips-advice/3-tips-for-parents-working-the-night-shift
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/may-i-have-your-attention/201301/when-work-interferes-love
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/may-i-have-your-attention/201301/when-work-interferes-love

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