How to Date an Otaku Girl

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: October 20, 2023

You might be nervous about approaching an otaku girl with romantic intentions, regardless of whether you're an otaku or non-otaku guy. Dating a girl who falls under this category isn't any more difficult than dating any other girl, though. All you really need to do is find the girl and appeal to her interests well enough for her to take notice of you.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Meeting the Otaku Girl

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Check the stereotypes at the door. The trouble with any label is that it tends to reduce people to nothing more than stereotypes and hollow shells. Before you approach an otaku girl, remind yourself that she is an individual person with her own quirks, beliefs, and personality. Some of her characteristics might scream “typical” otaku, but many won't.
- The same thing can be said about impressing her once you've already met and started to date. There is no single set of steps that can be used on every girl who falls under the “otaku” label—including the steps listed in this article. Use the label as a starting point, but always personalize your approach based on the specific girl.
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Log on. Otaku girls can often be found online in chat rooms, forums, and various social media websites. Moreover, these girls are often comfortable interacting in the digital realm and can appreciate an online meeting just as well as an offline one.
- Navigate forums related to anime, manga, or other aspects of otaku culture. Join active groups on Facebook or other social media websites about those topics, as well, and participate in the discussions that go on as much as possible.
- When you find an interesting girl, start following her on her blog or on one or two social media websites. Don't follow all of her accounts at once, though, since doing so may come on too strong and scare her away. ^{[1]
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Venture into the real world. Not every otaku girl is glued to her computer monitor, of course. The vast majority have lives in the real world, and if you want a more traditional meeting, your best bet is to track down the otaku girl in her natural habitat. In other words, go someplace related to her interests since she'd be likely to visit there in her free time.
- For example, try going to a store that has a wide selection of anime or manga. Spend time at an arcade. See a movie that has a large female fandom or, if you're feeling especially daring, try going to an anime convention.
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Approach her with a good opening line. Once you find a girl who piques your interest, you need to make a good first impression. You don't necessarily need a flashy, witty pick-up line, though. Striking up an interesting conversation might be more than enough.
- Discussions about shows, movies, and related media tend to be a good place to start, especially if you see her looking at a similar series in a store. ^{[2]
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  Research source} If you don't know enough about her likely interests, you could even start the conversation by confessing your lack of knowledge and asking her to make a recommendation.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making the Otaku Girl Fall for You

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Know her passions. In the United States, the term “otaku” is usually reserved for people who are hardcore anime or manga fans, but in Japan, “otaku” basically defines anyone who is a hardcore fan of any one interest. Even if the otaku girl in your life is a huge anime fan, it helps to know which series and genres she's most interested in. ^{[3]
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- The Japanese concept of “otaku” is similar to the American idea of a fangirl (or fanboy), geek, or nerd. A person could be an anime otaku or game otaku, but someone could also be something like a train otaku. Anyone who loves something enough to obsess over it can be labeled as an “otaku.”
- The American concept of “otaku” tends to be someone who is obsessed with some part of Japanese pop culture or Asian pop culture in general. Anime, manga, and computer games are the most notable obsessions, but an otaku could also obsess over J-Pop music or Korean dramas.
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Do your research. Simply knowing the title of her favorite series isn't enough. If you really want to impress your otaku girl, you should do a little research into her favorites so that you know what they're all about. You don't need to love everything she loves, but you should have a basic enough understanding to follow along with her rants when she starts talking about one of her passions.
- Another advantage to your research is that you'll learn more about the type of things she loves, rather than knowing only a few examples. Most otaku girls will branch out from their original obsessions and latch onto things related to them. If you learn enough about what interests her, you may eventually be able to introduce her to something else she'd enjoy, which will definitely leave her feeling impressed with you.
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Impress her by acknowledging those interests. Take her to places that cater to her passions. Give her gifts that are related to the things she loves. Otaku girls like to be romanced, but standard “cookie cutter” actions only scratch the surface and fail to address her as an individual.
- Keep in mind that your gifts do not need to be expensive to make an impression. As a general rule, otaku girls tend to enjoy inexpensive merchandise related to their favorite series and characters just as well as expensive merchandise. Something as simple as a Totoro plush toy might be enough to charm a girl who loves Studio Ghibli characters.
- If traditional romance is your style, you can stick with it, but try putting a twist on things. Take her out for dinner and a movie, but pick an anime movie (for an anime otaku). ^{[4]
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  Research source} Similarly, you can buy her jewelry, but look for jewelry connected to one of her favorite franchises.
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Do not look down on her or expect her to change. Some otaku girls might be a little embarrassed by their interests, but most don't see any shame in it. Either way, you need to show her that you don't feel embarrassed by her interests. Cutting her down for loving the things she loves is a quick way to make her push you away.
- Many otaku girls even enjoy the fact that their interests are somewhat obscure. After all, an obscure interest is unique, and people generally like to feel as though they're one-of-a-kind.
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Compliment her. An otaku girl is still a girl, after all, so you'll need to pamper her with occasional sweet talk. Make your compliments honest and try to be a little creative. As with everything, a compliment that addresses her as a unique individual is better than something stereotypical.
- Like most women, she'll want to be complimented on her appearance sometimes. Instead of saying something general--"You're really pretty"—compliment something specific, like a certain feature—"I love the color of your eyes"—or a specific accessory—"Your glasses perfectly frame your gorgeous eyes."
- You should also compliment her personality, as well as her appearance. Remark on her intelligence, her cheerfulness, her generosity, or any other positive feature.
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Notice her other quirks. More specifically, know what sort of things bother her. The otaku girl is a very passionate person overall. Most of her passion is directed at things she loves, but she can be equally passionate about things she hates. Once you know what she hates, do your best to avoid it.
- For example, if she's picky about grammar and spelling, you probably shouldn't send her texts like, "wanna hang out??? c u l8r!!" Instead, take the time to spell things out and double-check your messages for errors.
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Don't push her too far out of her comfort zone. While some otaku girls can be quite extroverted, most tend to be somewhat introverted. She may not be “shy,” per se, but she may not enjoy large crowds or similar settings as much as you do. Relationships require both parties to make compromises, but if you want to work your way into her heart, know when to take her out and when to let her stay in.
- For those girls who are extroverted, also keep in mind that certain settings may still make her uncomfortable. She might like socializing with close groups of friends, but that doesn't necessarily mean she'll enjoy going to a packed club full of strangers.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Making the Relationship Last

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Give her space for her hobbies. There are times when the otaku girl might want to enjoy her hobbies on her own or with friends who pursue them just as vigorously as she does. Let her do this. Wanting to be with her as she does what she enjoys is a good thing, but forcing yourself will only make both you and her more miserable.
- When she's out enjoying the things she loves, take time to enjoy your own interests. Visit friends, have some alone time, or go to an event you know your otaku girlfriend would never enjoy.
- If you feel the need to be constantly connected to her, ask yourself why. You might be feeling neglected or jealous. Figure out what the issue is and talk it over with her before it gnaws away at the foundation of your relationship.
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Make a trade. ^{[5]
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Research source} When you're trying to impress the otaku girl, you might focus on activities that appeal strictly to her interests. Once the two of you enter into a more serious relationship, though, you'll need to find balance between the two of you. One of the best ways to do this is to make trades. In return for doing something she loves this time, the two of you will do something you love next time.
- When you do spend time doing what she loves, try to be genuinely interested in it. If she wants you to watch a favorite movie, pay attention to it instead of staring at your phone. If she drags you along to a convention, try to find something about the convention that you can be interested in, as well.
- You can also let her instruct you on her hobbies. For instance, if she happens to love a certain game, let her teach you the best way to play it
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Trust her. Some of the friends who share your otaku girlfriend's interests might be guys, but typically, you won't need to worry about her turning her romantic attentions toward them once the two of you are already in a relationship. Remember that the otaku girl is fiercely passionate about the things she loves. If she loves you, she's not likely to drop you so easily.
- When you show that you trust her, it may also make it easier for her to trust you. By demonstrating that you are dedicated and secure in your relationship, you'll show that she has no reason to doubt your affections.
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Drop your guard. As the two of you get more serious, you need to demonstrate that you are comfortable around her. Since many otaku girls have introverted personalities, they'll find it oppressive if they feel like they always have to be “on” for you. Make yourself comfortable around her so that she'll be more comfortable around you in return.
- Dropping your guard should be done in moderation, though. You don't need to show up at her door in polo shirt and khakis, but on the other hand, you don't want to wear the same stained t-shirt four days in a row, either. Be casual, but take care of your appearance and exhibit respectful behavior.
In spite of her love of two-dimensional characters, you'll need to be deeper than that. Instead of being the perfect charmer, you need to be her friend. Become someone who she can turn to for acceptance and comfort if you want the relationship to last.