Expert-Backed Ways to Deal with Loneliness as a Single Person

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Overcome your loneliness and attract new possibilities
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Are you tired of going out solo or feeling left out with all of your friends pairing up? If you're single and feeling lonely, you're not alone—it's totally natural to feel that way sometimes. Just remember that people in relationships feel lonely too. Put your focus on yourself first and work on expanding your horizons so you can fill your life with healthy, supportive connections. We talked to licensed clinical psychologists Chloe Carmichael and Donna Novak to get more tips on how you can deal with feelings of loneliness.

Coping with Feeling Lonely While You're Single

  • Focus on the benefits of being single to develop a more positive mindset. Practice self-care and invest in your own well-being.
  • Engage in social opportunities to meet new people while learning something new or enjoying a hobby. Ask open-ended questions to get to know them better.
  • Take dating slowly without expectations. Allow relationships to develop organically rather than feeling a rush to pair up.
Section 1 of 4:

Dealing with Loneliness

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  1. Because you're single, you have the freedom to choose where you live and what you do without having to take anyone else's interests into consideration. You can put yourself first without worrying that you're neglecting someone else. You also have more free time to pursue life goals. [1]
    • Remind yourself that plenty of people in committed relationships wish they could pursue their own goals, be they personal or professional, without having to compromise with their partner.
  2. When you're feeling lonely, you might reach out to an old friend and catch up, or ask a work buddy to share a coffee or lunch with you. Being single gives you the perfect opportunity to nourish all the other relationships in your life. [2]
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael recommends that you "make a list of 10 people in your life that you see erratically and could call if you were lonely without even challenging yourself to do that in the moment... [although] it would be an interesting question to ask yourself, 'Why am I not calling these people right now if I'm lonely?'"
    • Supportive friends can also be there for you if you feel the need to vent about your feelings. It might be hard to talk about feeling lonely at first, but discussing it with a friend can help you feel better.
    • If you have friends or family who live far away, you might plan a weekend trip to visit them—a change of scenery could be good for you as well. If a visit's not possible, you can always talk on the phone or video chat. [3]
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  3. Taking some time to organize a cabinet or brighten up a room can do wonders for your outlook. You'll get to see the pleasant result of a little work, reminding you of how valuable and capable you are. Plus, bringing some light into a dreary environment can help you feel more connected to the outside world. [4]
    • Having a creative, vibrant space can be a great way to fight the loneliness blues. You might also get some flowers or plants to bring life to your home.
  4. Regular exercise improves both your physical and mental health. Lean towards activities that will get you out of the house, such as going for a walk around the neighborhood or taking a group exercise class. [5]
    • Walking around your neighborhood or at a local park gives you the opportunity to meet some of the people who live nearby, making them potentially convenient friends.
    • If there's a particular sport you enjoy playing, you might also see if your local area has a community league. That can be a great way to get some exercise while also making new friends.
  5. Learning something new is a really rewarding experience that lifts your mood and improves your self-esteem. Joining a club or taking a class can also help you meet new people with similar interests.
    • If you're interested in a more solo activity, such as gardening or crafting, you could join a club related to that activity and turn it into something social.
    • Your local community center and library are awesome free resources that can help you find lots of different clubs, groups, and organizations in your area that are devoted to various topics or pursuits.
  6. Going shopping for new clothes, getting a fresh haircut, or getting a massage are great ways to show love to yourself. Plus, checking out new places gives you an opportunity to chat with people you might not normally run into. [6]
    • If you're feeling brave, consider taking yourself to a movie, play, or concert. People tend to think of these events as things you go to with someone else, but there's no reason you can't go alone and have the time of your life.
    • If you have the time and resources, you might take yourself on a vacation to a place you've always wanted to visit. You'll be your own best travel companion—no need to negotiate with someone else or put up with their quirks.
  7. If it makes you feel down to come home every day to an empty house, a furry companion can help. Pets offer unconditional love and help curb feelings of loneliness. As if that weren't enough, pets can even improve your overall health, such as by lowering your blood pressure. [7]
    • Pets also provide opportunities to be more social. For example, you could meet other dog owners if you take your dog to a nearby dog park.
  8. Feeling lonely from time to time is part of being human—everybody has felt lonely at some point in their life. And being in a relationship doesn't guarantee that you'll never be lonely either! [8]
    • Avoid idealizing relationships or thinking they're some kind of cure-all. The best way to deal with loneliness is to form connections with other people so that you feel supported and cared for.
    • See how wikiHow users deal with the feeling of loneliness while single in the "Why am I still single?" forum page.
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Section 2 of 4:

Building Your Social Confidence

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  1. A huge part of confidence is recognizing the thought patterns that give rise to insecurity and changing those thoughts into something empowering. Acknowledge the thought and counter it with a positive affirmation about yourself. [9]
    • For example, if you find yourself thinking, "This person thinks I'm boring," you might tell yourself, "No! I am interesting and worthy of attention."
    • Avoid dwelling on past relationships and what you could have done better. Think of them as learning opportunities that can guide you in the future.
  2. You're never alone in how you feel—there are many other people who've felt the same way. Allow yourself to be open and honest about your fears and vulnerabilities. It will help you bond emotionally with others. [10]
    • It's okay if you don't like being single or if it makes you feel lonely or frustrated sometimes. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you—these are perfectly normal and understandable feelings to have.
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Donna Novak notes that "having a practice to help you develop more mindfulness can be helpful... when you're feeling that way."
    • Being honest about your feelings of loneliness can also help other single people see that they aren't alone in feeling that way.
  3. This can feel risky and stressful at first, especially if you're not used to navigating social situations alone. But by taking baby steps, you'll start to get more comfortable in your own skin. It's not necessarily about transforming yourself into an extrovert—it's more about being more at ease with who you are and what you have to offer others. [11]
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael recommends that "you might want to just first ask yourself why you're lonely. Think about if there's ways that you can try to overcome that."
    • For example, you might take a painting class at your local community center and try chatting up the person next to you before or after class. You already have a ready-made topic to discuss!
    • Keep in mind that it's totally normal that some people you meet aren't going to vibe with you—and that's okay! You can't expect to get along with everybody. And sometimes, people are just having a bad day or feeling frustrated about something that has nothing to do with you.
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Donna Novak recommends "reminding yourself of past efforts that you were able to connect with somebody you didn't know" to build up your confidence and reduce anxiety.
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    It's okay if you're not confident at first—it'll come with time! The more you interact with others, the more comfortable you'll become; so, start small, even with a simple wave or a smile. Then, keep at it! Consistent practice makes social interaction easier to do.

  4. If you're nervous about talking to other people, take the spotlight off yourself and put it on them instead! When you ask open-ended questions , you give the other person the opportunity to tell you a story about themselves. As they're talking, you might also catch details that you can ask follow-up questions about. [12]
    • For example, you might ask them to tell you their favorite thing about the work that they do or if they've seen any good movies lately.
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Donna Novak says, "I really would urge people to ask a question, because people tend to get really engaged with questions."
  5. Challenge yourself to try new things, talk to new people, and engage in different types of interactions in different contexts. Each small step will have you feeling a little more confident about yourself and also a little less lonely because you'll feel more socially connected to the people around you. [13]
    • For example, you might strike up a conversation with the person next to you in line at the store, join co-workers for a drink after work, or chat briefly with your neighbor while you're walking your dog.
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Section 3 of 4:

Meeting New People

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  1. Your local library or community center are great places to find out about different clubs and events in your area. You could also use internet resources, such as Meetup, to find local gatherings that are related to your interests. When you get involved with one of these groups, you'll find that you're already bonded to the other members by virtue of this thing that you all have in common, which will help you feel a lot less lonely. [14]
    • If you're religious, you might consider joining a local place of worship, or a mediation or prayer group.
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael mentions that "just in a very simple way, you could start joining some meetup.org, that's everywhere. No matter where you live, there should be a Meetup."
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Donna Novak seconds the idea of "thinking about coming up with some plans to meet people and connect with people. That can be looking into some groups in the area, definitely on the Meetup and things like that."
  2. Volunteering is a great way to give back to your community while also bonding with other people who share the same passions. Dedicating a few hours a week to volunteer work is also a good way to keep yourself busy and out of the house.
    • For example, if you love animals, you might volunteer to walk dogs for your local shelter.
  3. There are plenty of ways to meet and interact with people online apart from dating apps. Try out playing online games with chat features, following and messaging people on social media platforms, or joining an online discussion forum. [15]
    • Chatting with people online is also a great way to boost your confidence if you get anxious about talking to people face-to-face! Just remember that you don't actually know the person on the other side of the screen. Practice internet safety and avoid sharing private information.
  4. Maintain a little distance between yourself and the new people in your life. Text them occasionally and meet up with them once or twice a week to start. Have patience and you'll develop some really strong friendships (if not more) with people. [16]
    • Feeling lonely can make you feel desperate to make a connection, but it's better if you take things slow—whether you're talking about a platonic or a romantic relationship.
    • Let things deepen and grow organically at their own pace rather than trying to force something before its time.
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Section 4 of 4:

Going on Dates

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  1. Be honest and humble in your profile, speaking positively about your hobbies, interests, and strengths. Once you've written your profile , read it out loud to check for errors and make sure it sounds conversational and friendly before you post it. Pace yourself, perhaps only looking at a handful of profiles each time you use the app. [17]
    • When you match with someone, work steadily toward building a connection while at the same time not rushing things. Chat with them on the app for a bit before you agree to meet for the first time.
    • Chatting with someone online for an extended period before meeting in person can cause you to idealize them and build up a relationship with them in your mind that might not be in sync with your chemistry in reality. Try to keep it to within a week.
  2. Focus on simply meeting and connecting with people rather than trying to find "The One." Use flirting to let people know that you're open to the possibility of a more romantic or sexual connection. [18]
    • For example, you might flirt with someone cute who's in line in front of you at the grocery store.
    • If you avoid having any expectations about these encounters, it will help take some of the pressure off and make it easier to chat people up. Let the interaction be whatever it will be without trying to push it in a certain direction.
  3. If you meet someone you're interested in getting to know romantically, bring it up in a casual way. You might ask them to grab a cup of coffee with you or go for a walk in the park. If things go well, ask if they'd like to see you again. [19]
    • It helps if you just think of it as asking a friend if they want to come hang out with you, rather than asking someone out on a date, which can carry a little more pressure.
    • For example, if you meet someone in a bookstore who's carrying a book written by your favorite author, you might mention that and talk to them about that author's other books. Then, you could casually invite them to a related event or to have a coffee and chat about it more.
    • You might say, "I've got to get to work now, but I'm really enjoying this conversation. Would you be interested in continuing it over coffee sometime later this week?"
  4. The best first date gives you and your date the opportunity to feel each other out without being too high-pressure. Coffee or a drink has less of the pressure or formality of a dinner date and can be cut off pretty quickly and amicably if you're not feeling the vibe. [20]
    • Allow the connection to build naturally without any expectations that you and this specific person are going to really hit it off, get married, and live happily ever after. Even if you don't find a romantic spark, you might still end up making a great friend.
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Donna Novak notes that "we tend to go all the way to the end, we tend to think about... all the what ifs and we go five steps forward." She recommends "going back to the first step. Today, I'm only going to have a conversation, today, I'm only going to do this, or today, I'm only going to have a phone call... breaking things down per day per step."
  5. If the first date went well, plan a longer second date when you can get to know each other a little better. Choose something that takes a little longer but has plenty of opportunities for conversation, such as dinner or a walk around a local park. [21]
    • You might also consider going to a museum or even the zoo—you'll have built-in conversation starters and potential bonding moments.
    • When you're just starting to get to know each other, avoid doing activities with a lot of other friends—keep the focus on the two of you.
  6. When you hit it off with someone, it's tempting to fantasize about where the relationship will go. Enjoy each moment as it naturally unfolds instead of trying to write your relationship's script before it can ever get off the ground. [22]
    • Tell yourself that not every relationship necessarily has to develop into a marriage or long-term partnership for it to be valuable. Simply dating someone casually can be fun and help you get a better sense of what you need in a partner.
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What Are Some Ways to Deal with Loneliness as a Single Person?


Ideas for Having Fun and Staying Positive

Join the Discussion...

Why am I still single?
WikiWombatCaster809
23
WikiWombatCaster809
I'm in my late 20s and have never been in a serious relationship. I'm just tired and frustrated. I don't know where to meet people and I'm not go... Read More
8
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Being single doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong! Being single gives you a chance to really love yourself so that, when you're ultimately in... Read More
WikiWombatCaster809
2
WikiWombatCaster809
Thanks, that's good advice. But I feel like it's not just me, all my friends are single too :( Why are we ALL single?... Read More
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      Tips

      • Take a break from media that stigmatize being single. There's no need for you to be bombarded by shows, movies, and images of happy couples that make being single seem like the end of the world. [23]
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      Warnings

      • If you’re feeling depressed, have lost interest in normal activities, or feel hopeless about engaging in social situations, talking to a counselor might help. Ask your primary doctor for a referral or look online for a mental health professional in your area. [24]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/bouncing-back/201606/5-reasons-singles-should-stop-worrying
      2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874845/
      3. ↑ http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/emotional-support.aspx
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201607/the-powerful-psychology-behind-cleanliness
      5. ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/exercise-and-mental-health
      6. ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/loneliness-isolation-mental-health
      7. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/healthy-pets/index.html
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/201708/dealing-loneliness
      9. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874845/
      1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/201708/dealing-loneliness
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201605/6-ways-ease-shyness-and-get-yourself-out-there
      4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      5. ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/loneliness-isolation-mental-health
      6. ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/loneliness-isolation-mental-health
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201401/learning-love-not-fear-being-single
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-introverts-corner/201603/writing-online-dating-profile-works
      9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-can-a-shy-adult-get-dates-without-using-online-dating/
      10. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/im-shy-how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fighting-fear/201709/a-strategy-for-dating
      12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fighting-fear/201309/what-do-second-or-third-date
      13. ↑ https://restless.co.uk/leisure-and-lifestyle/dating/dating-tips-things-to-remember-while-searching-for-a-happy-and-fulfilling-relationship/
      14. ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228342191_Singles_in_society_and_science
      15. ↑ https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness/index.shtml

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Feeling lonely sometimes when you're single is completely normal, and there are things you can do to start feeling better and even enjoy being single. One thing that can really help is finding a new hobby or project to work on. It can be anything, like learning a new instrument, studying a foreign language, or building a garden in your yard. Keeping yourself busy will take your mind off of being single, and you'll grow as a person while learning something new. It's also helpful to push yourself to do something social at least once a day. You can meet up with friends, visit a family member, or even just talk on the phone with someone for a bit. Staying connected with others is one of the best ways to combat loneliness. Additionally, try to exercise regularly and eat a healthy diet. It's not always easy when you're feeling upset, but staying healthy will give you more energy and have a positive effect on how you feel mentally. If you feel like you need some help dealing with how you're feeling, don't be afraid to reach out for help. You're not alone, and things will get better! Keep reading for tips on brightening your mood and staying optimistic!

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