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If you’ve ever felt mortified about something embarrassing that happened or cringed when thinking about an unflattering memory from your past, you’re definitely not alone! We all do embarrassing things sometimes, and it doesn’t feel great. Fortunately, it’s totally possible to disarm embarrassing memories so they don’t bother you as much anymore, and this article will show you how. Keep reading to learn how you can confront and cast aside embarrassment for good.
Steps
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Laugh at yourself. Laughing at things that you done can be a cleansing experience. By looking at them as silly things that happened in your past, you can help yourself to move past feelings of embarrassment. [1] X Research source
- For example, if you once walked through the lunch room with your skirt tucked into your underwear, try to laugh about the experience. Try to see it from an outsider’s perspective and remove yourself from the negative feelings. Realize that it was just a silly mistake that probably made people do a double take or possibly even a spit take.
- Try discussing embarrassing moments with a trusted friend. It might make it easier for you to laugh at someone if you tell the story to someone who was not there and it can also be a good way for you to hear about someone else’s embarrassing moments.
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Be compassionate towards yourself. If you can’t bring yourself to laugh at what you did, try being compassionate towards yourself. Acknowledge your embarrassment and talk to yourself like a good friend. Give yourself permission to feel embarrassed and understand the pain that that situation has caused for you. [2] X Research source
- Try to remind yourself of who you are and what your core values are. This can help you to ground yourself and brush off some embarrassment and with self-compassion.
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Focus on the present. Once you have comforted yourself through laughter or compassion, bring yourself back into the present moment. Recognize that the embarrassing moment is in the past. Try to focus your attention on what is happening in your life right now. Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? How do you feel? Changing your focus to the here and now may help you to stop dwelling on things that happened to you in the past. [3] X Research source
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Keep trying to be your best. Although embarrassment can be painful, it may also be useful for personal development. If you did or said something wrong that has caused you to feel embarrassed, think about what you can do to avoid doing or saying something similar in the future. If you made an honest mistake that could have happened to anyone, recognize that you did not do anything wrong and move on.
- Try not to get hung up on what you did or said because dwelling on it can be more painful than the initial experience. [4] X Research source
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Consider seeing a therapist. If you still cannot get past your feelings of embarrassment despite your best efforts, consider seeing a therapist for help. You may be dealing with something that requires ongoing work or your embarrassment may be related to other thinking patterns such as rumination or possibly low self-esteem.
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Forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up. After you have apologized (if it was necessary), you need to forgive yourself for what you did or said. Forgiving yourself is an important step in dealing with embarrassment because it will help you to stop beating yourself up. By forgiving yourself, you are sending yourself the message that you made an honest mistake and it is nothing to dwell on.
- Try telling yourself something like, “I forgive myself for what I did. I am only human and I am bound to make mistakes sometimes.”
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Distract yourself and others. While you don’t want to ignore the embarrassing thing that you did or said, after you have evaluated it and dealt with the situation you should move on. Don't spend any more time on the moment than you need to. [5] X Expert Source Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 December 2020. You can help yourself and other move past the embarrassing thing by changing the subject or inviting them to do something else. [6] X Research source- For example, after you have apologized and forgiven yourself for saying something inappropriate to a friend, ask them if they watched the news last night. Or, pay them a compliment. Say something like, “Hey, I love your outfit. Where did you get it?”
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Apologize if necessary. If you did something wrong, you will need to apologize for your mistake. Having to apologize might make you feel a bit more embarrassed, but it is necessary to deal with the original embarrassment and move forward. Make sure that your apology is sincere and direct.
- Try saying something like, “I am sorry that I did/said that. I didn’t mean it. I will try to be more thoughtful in the future.”
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Recognize that embarrassment is normal. Feeling embarrassed can make you feel like something is wrong with you or you are all alone, but it is important to remember that these feelings are not accurate. Embarrassment is a normal feeling just like being happy, sad, mad, etc. When you are feeling embarrassed, remember that everyone feels embarrassed at some point in time. [7] X Expert Source Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 December 2020.- To see that embarrassment is something that everyone feels, ask your parents or another trusted person to tell you about a time when they got embarrassed. [8] X Research source
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Learn that it is okay if people know you are embarrassed. One of the worst things about feeling embarrassment is when people know you are embarrassed. Knowing that others know you are embarrassed can make feel even more embarrassed. This is because embarrassment makes you feel exposed or vulnerable due to the fear of being judged by others. [9] X Research source Unlike shame, which can be both a public and private event, embarrassment is mostly a public event. [10] X Research source Try to remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with people knowing that you are embarrassed about something because it is a normal emotion.
- One way to address the perceived judgement of others is to be realistic and ask yourself if others are judging you or if you are judging yourself.
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Understand that some embarrassment can be helpful. While being embarrassed is never a fun experience, occasional minor embarrassment can be helpful. Some research has found that people who blush when they do or say something wrong may be seen as more trustworthy. This is because those people are demonstrating their awareness of social rules. So if you blush on occasion when you make a minor mistake, don’t dwell on it because it may actually make people see you in a more positive light. [11] X Research source
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Consider the relationship between embarrassment and perfectionism. Perfectionism can contribute to feelings of embarrassment. You may be holding yourself to unrealistically high standards that cause you to feel like you are failing if you do not live up to them. These feelings of failure may lead to embarrassment, so it is important to set realistic standards for yourself. [12] X Research source
- Remind yourself that you are your biggest critic. While it may seem like the world is watching and judging you, that is not a realistic perspective. Think about how much you pay attention to little things that other people say and do. It is unlikely that you scrutinize others the same way that you do to yourself. [13]
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Expert Source
Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 December 2020.
- Remind yourself that you are your biggest critic. While it may seem like the world is watching and judging you, that is not a realistic perspective. Think about how much you pay attention to little things that other people say and do. It is unlikely that you scrutinize others the same way that you do to yourself. [13]
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Expert Source
Donna Novak, Psy.D
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Think about the relationship between embarrassment and confidence. Confident people tend to experience less embarrassment than people who lack confidence. [14] X Research source If you have low self-confidence, you might experience more embarrassment or more severe feelings of embarrassment than you should. Try to build up your self-confidence in order to reduce the amount of embarrassment that you feel on a daily basis.
- If you are extremely self-conscious, you may even find yourself dealing with shame, which is not the same thing as embarrassment. Shame is the result of a poor self-image, which can be caused by often feeling embarrassed. Consider talking with a therapist if you feel like embarrassment has left you with feelings of shame.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionIs it normal to feel embarrassed?Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.Being embarrassed is something that is very human. We all have embarrassing moments that come up in life.
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QuestionWhat if I did something embarrassing in front of someone else?Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.Typically when we're embarrassed, we think other people are judging us. The reality is, we focus on ourselves way more than other people do, so try to focus on what feelings this is bringing up for you.
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QuestionHow do I stop thinking about something embarrassing?Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.Remind yourself that this moment is temporary—it's not going to last forever. Then, allow your mind to move past it onto the next thing that you're going to be doing. Ask yourself, "How much time do I really want to be stuck in this particular moment where I'm feeling embarrassed?"
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Tips
- When something embarrassing happens, don't cause a huge scene. This will only cause the event to stick in the minds of others. Stay calm and don't freak out.Thanks
- Laugh it off with your mates. Act like it doesn't bother you and they won't think it's such a big deal.Thanks
- Don’t obsess over little things. Minor embarrassments are nothing to dwell on. Try to brush them off and keep going.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/06/18/how-to-overcome-embarrassment/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201302/are-you-embarrassed
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/06/18/how-to-overcome-embarrassment/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201112/embarrassment
- ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 9 December 2020.
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/helping-kids-handle-embarrassment?page=2
- ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 9 December 2020.
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/06/18/how-to-overcome-embarrassment/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201112/embarrassment
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/14534449_Are_Shame_Guilt_and_Embarrassment_Distinct_Emotions
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201205/theres-nothing-wrong-turning-red
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/06/18/how-to-overcome-embarrassment/
- ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 9 December 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fighting-fear/201307/dont-be-embarrassed-nobody-is-paying-attention
About This Article
Article Summary
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Everyone gets embarrassed at some point in time, but you can deal with these feelings by addressing the situation. If you did something wrong and feel embarrassed by your choices or behavior, then apologize for your mistake so you can move forward. After you’ve apologized, it's also important that you forgive yourself for what you did or said. On the other hand, if you embarrassed yourself by doing something silly or clumsy, try to deal with your feelings by learning to laugh at yourself. Try talking to a trusted friend about your embarrassing moment since it can be easier to laugh as you tell the story to someone who wasn’t there. This might also lead your friend to share some embarrassing moments that you can laugh at too. If you’re not ready to laugh at yourself, try to be compassionate by giving yourself permission to feel embarrassed but also remind yourself that you're more than this moment. To learn how to distract yourself and others from your embarrassing moment, keep reading!
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- "Very helpful article, especially about how to deal with other people that are angry because of your mistakes in the past. I feel embarrassed because of my past mistake of boasting something that I didn't have." ..." more
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"Very helpful article, especially about how to deal with other people that are angry because of your mistakes in the past. I feel embarrassed because of my past mistake of boasting something that I didn't have."
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