Why Does My Friend Copy Me? 8 Ways to Deal

Annoyed by a friend who imitates your every move? Here's what you need to do

Co-authored by Tracey Rogers, MA

Last Updated: September 17, 2023

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it can still be pretty irritating when your friend is copying you. If it seems like they're always buying the same clothes as you, listening to the same music, and even copying your opinions and habits, it might be time to sit them down and talk about it. Fortunately, it's possible to address the problem head-on without ruining your friendship—and we're here to help. Read on to learn how to address a friend with a copycat problem, so you can both shine in your own ways.

1

Ask them about it.

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Discuss it with them. They might not even realize that they’re copying you. Sit down with them and make sure they’re aware of it and divulge into potential reasons for it. Don’t attack them, make it a discussion.
- "Did you notice that we’ve been matching a lot lately?”
  - If they say no, give them examples.
- "Do you think it’s funny that we always end up doing the same thing?”
- "Why do you think these things happen?”

2

Talk about their originality.

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Ask them how they describe their style or personality. If they have trouble doing so, it’ll help them see that they’ve been copying you. Remember, it’s likely there will be similarities between you—that’s why you’re friends—but they should also have some original ideas.
- "The whole point of clothes is to highlight your own unique style, how do you think you’d describe your style.”
- "How do you see yourself?”

3

Point out what you like about them.

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Show them that they also have good, original ideas. Be vague when you do this, so that you don’t give away all of your preferences.

4

Let them talk.

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Once you make them aware of the situation, you need to let them carry the conversation. This will show them that they have the ability to form their own ideas and that will carry over into whatever aspect of life they’ve been copying from you.

5

Help them discover their uniqueness.

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Have them create outfits without your help and point out good things about them. If they’ve been copying the way you act, leave it to them to make the first move and agree with whatever they choose. Give them confidence in their decision-making, and they’ll be less likely to copy you. ^{[1]
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Research source}

6

Force them to do their own thing.

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Secrets are never good for a friendship, but you may have to keep some so that they make choices for themselves. Make them decide on upcoming plans and purchases. Don’t give them an answer about where you want to go or what you want to do. Let them do it.

7

Build their confidence.

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Keep in mind that people that copy chronically typical suffer from extreme insecurity. They have low self-esteem. Get your mutual friends in on it to help build their confidence. Support them in every choice they make, even if it seems over the top. This will help them become a confident, independent person.

8

Make sure they do things they like to do.

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When you do something you enjoy doing, it’s something that gives you comfort and confidence. Help your friend do something they like to do every single day. ^{[2]
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Question

What do I do if my friend keeps copying what I read and what I draw?

Community Answer

Ask them to do their own work. Nothing is worse than getting a 0 for someone else copying your work.

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How do I stop someone from copying what I want to be when I'm older?

Community Answer

Say that you want to be something else instead, but really pursue your original desire. You are tricking the person copying you to a different job.

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Question

There is a friend of mine whom I've fought out with, but she keeps coming back and copying my tastes, like my favorite game, my favorite YouTuber, etc. How should I deal with her?

Community Answer

Some people say that it is a compliment if people copy you, but I find that irritating. Maybe you should start to change your style and tastes. You could also just tell the friend how you feel. Of course, if you guys are fighting all the time anyway, it might be time to just end the friendship.

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Tips

Take time to reflect before you take any major action. Sometimes it feels like someone is copying us when they're really not. Other times, they really might be copying us, but it turns out to not be a big deal.

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Try to decide for yourself if this is something you definitely need to address, or if it's better left alone.

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Warnings

They might get defensive when you approach them about it. Be prepared for it to put a rift in your friendship. If it becomes a serious issue, talk to an adult about it.

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Why Does My Friend Copy Me? 8 Ways to Deal

Steps

Ask them about it.

Talk about their originality.

Point out what you like about them.

Let them talk.

Help them discover their uniqueness.

Force them to do their own thing.

Build their confidence.

Make sure they do things they like to do.

Community Q&A

Tips

Warnings

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