PDF download Download Article PDF download Download Article

It’s a relevant question in school hallways, the comments sections of social media posts, and the meeting rooms of companies both large and small: “why must you be so mean?” No matter who you are, you probably have and will continue to make the acquaintance of people with unsavory attitudes. Learn how to deal with mean people effectively while protecting yourself at the same time.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Managing Your Responses

PDF download Download Article
  1. You may not be able to control that person’s behavior, but you can control how you respond to it. Sometimes, people are mean just to get a reaction, you can control whether they get it or not. You are in control of how you react and where the situation ends up.
    • If this person is from work or school, you may not be able to avoid them all the time; however, you can try to avoid them during breaks, and just try to stay away from them for as long as you can so they won't bother you.
    • Try fighting the negative behavior with positive behavior . Go out of your way to be nice to them and create a better interaction.
  2. Respond with compassion . There may be a deeper issue that the mean person is using negative behavior to hide. Sometimes, the biggest bully is the one that has suffered unthinkable abuse elsewhere.
    • Meanness may appear as frustration, irritation, or impatience. If you spot any of these, you could say "Looks like you could use a break. Why don't we take 5 minutes?" or "Is there something I can help you with?"
    • Taking the time to get to know them may clear up some things for you. Maybe you're just taking things too personally or maybe they're just misunderstood.
    • Taking a compassionate approach can help to show them that you actually see the person and not just the behavior.
    Advertisement
  3. Practice assertiveness . Assertiveness means standing up for yourself and your needs while also respecting the needs of others. At some point, you might encounter a mean person who doesn't respond to compassion and you can't simply take the "high road". In these types of situations, it's best to be straightforward and let the person know that you will not allow yourself to be walked over.
    • For example, when you're at school, another kid might bully you into doing something you don't want to. Make eye contact and tell them "no" using a calm and steady voice. You may have to repeat this a few times, but eventually they'll stop.
  4. Being within proximity of a mean person often requires proper armory. You know, at some point, the individual might throw something vicious your way. Feel the emotions that come with being around such a person. Don’t push these feelings away or act as if they are irrelevant. Name them. [1]
    • It’s easy to dismiss your feelings but this isn’t really fair to you or the mean person. You just end up bottling things up that some point might explode.
    • Addressing your feelings might give insight as to why this is happening. Does your reaction fuel the fire and give the mean person more reason to pick on you? Sometimes, mean people target others because they want a reaction.
    • Step back and observe how the mean person interacts with others. Is the behavior only happening with you or is it how they generally act?
  5. Care for yourself. Do a self-soothing exercise. Preparing yourself for a necessary interaction can also help to take some of the sting out of what they might say.
    • Breathe deeply and make positive affirmations to calm yourself. Getting upset will only encourage the mean person to continue their behavior.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 678 wikiHow readers, and 50% of them admitted that they typically respond to negative emotions by lashing out at others . [Take Poll] Instead, try journaling or taking deep breaths to calm yourself.
  6. Practice mindfulness . This means taking the time to focus on your body, how it handles stress and a way to focus on relieving that stress through meditation or concentrated thought. Dealing with a mean person can be stressful and exhausting—this is a way to let that go.
    • Try a body scan exercise to release the tension. Lay down or sit back in a chair and clear your mind. Starting with your toes, tense and relax each body part until you reach your face and fingers. This usually takes about 15 minutes. [2]
    • You can also download many relaxation videos on YouTube if you prefer to listen to something that will guide you through the process.
  7. Advertisement
Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Calling Out a Mean Person

PDF download Download Article
  1. When you go to confront a person who is being mean, you must come off as brave and confident . Pull your shoulders back. Lift your chin and meet the person’s eyes.
    • Stand up to the behavior in a confident way or use your confidence to defy the behavior. That is up to you, but confidence is the key.
  2. Tell the person what you thought of their words or behavior. Many times the mean person is masking an underlying feeling with negative attention, so avoid making this a personal attack. they need to know that you were upset by the behavior but not the person. [3]
    • "Hey, I felt humiliated when you teased me in the meeting earlier." Something straightforward and to the point should do the trick.
    • Don't be vague and tell them that they're being mean for example. Instead, give them a specific example, such as how they teased you in front of class.
  3. Instead of simply telling the person what they did wrong, explain how the situation could have been handled in a more kind way.
    • For example: "The next time you have suggestions for my work performance, can you please share them with me privately? I'd greatly appreciate that."
    • Alternatively, ask them for help so that they can use their talents instead of seeking negative attention. Letting them know that you recognize their skills can start a better working relationship.
    • Be the first one to extend the olive branch and offer kindness. If they're able to gain positive attention, they're usually stop their behavior. [4]
  4. This should only be done after you have tried other approaches since it may affect the relationship long term with the other person. If this is someone you only interact with for a small bit of time every once in a while it may not be worth the extra involvement.
    • Bullying is against the rules in most schools and jobs. If you're the target of bullying , reach out to someone who can help put a stop to it. [5]
  5. Advertisement
Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Sheltering Yourself from a Mean Person

PDF download Download Article
  1. In some cases, you cannot avoid interacting with the person, but you can keep the time you spend with them to a minimum. Keeping your interaction short and sweet is key.
    • If they have a snappy attitude each time you talk to them in person, consider communicating via email.
    • For face-to-face encounters, prepare your statement ahead of time so that the conversation can end quickly: "Hey, I'm headed to a meeting, but I wanted to check in to see how the report was progressing."
  2. This is a big part of having an exit plan. If you have to ask for their help, do it on the way out to lunch, so you do not have time to stay for any negative feedback. [6]
    • Make your exit obvious, like having your coat on and walking out the door. This will allow you to leave quickly in a convincing manner. They won't have time to be mean.
    • You can say something like "Oh, well. I'm running late for my lunch break. I'll catch you later."
  3. You may have a choice in some cases like avoiding a mean cashier at the local grocery store but in other cases like the mean person being your boss you may not be able to avoid them altogether. Mean people can spread their negative energy, so keeping your distance allows you to preserve a positive outlook.
    • If you can't avoid them, consider each encounter as a challenge for you to show compassion and practice patience. Just as mean people can spread negative energy, you can spread the positive.
  4. Being around mean people can be draining. Just as you should try to avoid a person who is mean to you, you should also make an effort to be around people who are nice and supportive. [7] Doing so can provide you with much-needed nurturing and counteract the negative energy a mean person gives off. [8]
  5. Advertisement

Protect Yourself from Deceitful People with this Expert Series

Do you have liars or people who like to bully and gossip in your life? It can be hard to know what's real when the people around you aren't truthful, so we've put together this expert series to help you protect yourself from lying, bullying, and gossip.

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
      Advertisement

      Video

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If someone is being mean to you, try responding to them with compassion instead of anger, since there might be a deeper problem that they are trying to hide. If, for example, someone is acting frustrated, irritated, or impatient towards you, tell them, “Looks like you could use a break. Why don’t we take 5 minutes?” If the person continues to bully you, you can deal with it by being assertive and telling the person that you will not allow yourself to be walked over. For example, if someone is trying to bully you into doing something you don’t want to, make eye contact and tell them “No” in a calm and steady voice. While you may be tempted to lash out, breathe deeply and tell yourself positive affirmations so you don’t escalate the situation. For more help from our co-author, including how to avoid mean people, read on.

      Did this summary help you?
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 141,334 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Anonymous

        Feb 26, 2017

        "There's a mean kid at my school who constantly puts me down and makes fun of me, and this article helped me ..." more
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement