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How to Describe a Good Marriage

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Co-authored by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: August 30, 2024

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Ever wondered what makes a marriage great? Although every relationship is a little different, the same common traits are found in the strongest marriages. Trust, communication, and respect probably come to mind, but you might be surprised to learn that playfulness and friendship rank high, too. Read through these characteristics to see how your marriage compares.

1

You spend quality time around one another.

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Strong couples make time for their relationship. It's really easy to get into a routine where you and your spouse are simply functioning in the same household. This isn't a bad thing as long as you're also enjoying each other's company! ^{[1]
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Expert Source

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Interview. 18 January 2022.} To do this, you might need to schedule date nights or activities throughout the week. Here are a few ways to get some one-on-one time:
- Work on a mutual project you've wanted to accomplish.
- Take a language class together.
- Go for a walk or jog after dinner.
- Have a picnic the next time the weather's nice.
- Watch a local comedian and laugh together.
- Go on a day trip and explore a nearby town.

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2

You keep the lines of communication open.

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A good marriage means it's easy to share thoughts and feelings. You two regularly talk—sharing your concerns, joys, fears, and expectations. This means that when you need support, you can tell your spouse and they'll be there for you. ^{[2]
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Expert Source

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Interview. 18 January 2022.} You probably feel that you could tell your spouse anything. ^{[3]
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University of Rochester Medical Center
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- When you two talk, you also give each other your undivided attention. For instance, your spouse will put down their phone or get off their laptop when you want to tell them something.

3

You’re kind and respectful to each other.

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A strong marriage is based on mutual love, so you show it. When you talk to your spouse, you're considerate of their feelings and you respect them as an individual. You also let them know that you care by being kind. Little gestures of kindness also prevent you two from getting on each other's nerves or blowing things out of proportion.
- Acts of kindness don't have to be huge! You could leave a sweet note, pack a lunch for your spouse, compliment them in front of others, or call them during the day to see how they're doing.

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4

You’re both committed to the relationship.

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You and your spouse support each other through thick and thin. Your marriage is strong if you feel supported and safe—you know that your spouse is truly your partner and they're not going anywhere!
- In healthy marriages, neither partner will threaten the other with divorce or withhold affection.

5

You think the best of your spouse.

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Secure partners give each other the benefit of the doubt when they make mistakes. If you're waiting for your partner to mess up or you blame them when things go wrong, you'll soon resent them. Instead, be generous and assume that your partner has good intentions. ^{[4]
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- For example, if your spouse is running late, don't think, "He can never be on time. He's never considerate enough to check in with me," tell yourself, "Traffic must be bad today. I know he said he'd try to make it home on time."

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6

You have fun with each other.

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Couples in a good marriage are playful and lighthearted. Spouses face a lot of life's challenges together, but close couples also look for the fun and laughter in life. If things are feeling monotonous or boring, be spontaneous and surprise your partner. It will inject some fun and energy into your relationship.
- For instance, you could play innocent pranks on your spouse, surprise them with a weekend getaway, or take them to a show they've wanted to see.

7

You show each other physical affection.

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Physical connection makes you feel more trusting and secure. We're not talking big displays of affection—a hand on their shoulder, a quick kiss, or holding hands all make you feel supported in the relationship. ^{[5]
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Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
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- Keep in mind that some people have a stronger need for physical touch while others are more reserved. Try to find a good balance of what you and your partner need in your marriage.

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8

You both work on emotional and sexual intimacy.

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Strong marriages have a deep connection, so spouses can support each other. To improve your intimacy, spend more time talking and listening to each other—share your feelings, fears, desires, everything! Take this communication to the bedroom and talk about what turns you on. Sex is a great opportunity to deepen your emotional connection. ^{[6]
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- Being emotionally close means that you're vulnerable, but you trust your partner to respect and listen to you.

9

You successfully resolve conflicts.

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Strong couples don't avoid fighting, but they use it as an opportunity to talk. If you or your spouse is upset, you'll listen to each other to find out what's wrong. ^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Interview. 18 January 2022.} Then, you'll work as a team to come up with a solution. There's no blaming, name-calling, or yelling—just calm, respectful discussion.
- For example, instead of saying, "You never help around the house. You just don't appreciate what I do!" you could say, "Can we talk about household chores later? I'm feeling really stressed out."
- Reader Poll: We asked 2729 wikiHow readers how they and their partner communicate during fights, and only 5% of them said they don’t fight. [Take Poll] It’s normal for couples to have arguments now and then, but make sure you’re able to communicate respectfully during and after the fight.
Esther Perel, Psychotherapist

Resolve issues through communication and hard work. "Issues and conflict will arise in every relationship. But in healthy relationships, the deeper issue is recognized, and we work to chip away at it, moving from rupture to repair."

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10

You forgive your spouse.

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You realize that your partner is human and will make mistakes. At some point, they'll hurt your feelings or you'll hurt theirs and this is completely normal. However, strong couples can forgive each other and move on instead of punishing or resenting each other.
- If you can't forgive your spouse and choose to hold a grudge, you'll have a hard time emotionally connecting with them in the future.
- Not sure how to forgive them? You might say, "I'm really hurt by what you did, but I love you and I want to get through this together."

11

You appreciate your partner.

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You or your spouse frequently say that you're thankful for each other. If you're like many couples, you might forget to tell your spouse that you love or value them. Make a point of expressing affection and appreciation every day. This lets your spouse know that you see them and love having them in your life.
- For instance, you could say, "Hey, thank you for making dinner tonight. It was wonderful," or, "Thanks for picking up the kids today. It really made my day easier."

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References

↑ Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 18 January 2022.
↑ Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 18 January 2022.
↑ https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=1&contentid=4580
↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_we_can_learn_from_the_best_marriages
↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_we_can_learn_from_the_best_marriages
↑ https://extensionpublications.unl.edu/assets/pdf/g2132.pdf
↑ Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 18 January 2022.

About This Article

Co-authored by:

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

This article was co-authored by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC and by wikiHow staff writer, Jessica Gibson . Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over twelve years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling. This article has been viewed 26,646 times.

4 votes - 100%

Co-authors: 3

Updated: August 30, 2024

Views: 26,646

Categories: Married Life

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 26,646 times.

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