How to Design a Life of Your Choice

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It's easy to get discouraged if you feel like you're stuck in a rut or like your life is something that's happening to you. It doesn't have to be that way, though—with some planning and determination, you can work toward a life that leaves you fulfilled and satisfied. Even small steps can help you start making progress toward your long-term goals. If you keep it up, you might just be living your dream life before you know it!

1

Daydream about where you want to end up.

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    When you're getting ready for a trip, you usually start by picking the destination—then you figure out how you're going to get there. Life is the same way. Before you can live out your dreams, you have to figure out what that looks like. Don't worry if the destination changes as you're traveling, though—that's part of the fun! [1] [2]
    • For instance, when you picture your dream life, you might imagine a big house by a lake, with plenty of time for fishing and entertaining. You could use that vision to help guide your financial decisions until you can make that a reality.
    • If your goal is to live a long, active life, you might make gradual lifestyle changes to improve your health.
    • When you're envisioning the life you want for yourself, think about the values that are most important to you. For instance, if you love adventure and learning, traveling might be a good way to make those things a part of your life. [3]
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2

Set an achievable long-term goal.

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    Hard work and talent go a long way, but don't hang all of your plans on a big gamble. Instead, choose a goal that you can realistically see yourself accomplishing. You can always set bigger goals once you reach the first set! [4] [5]
    • For instance, there's no way to guarantee that if you design a video game, you'll be able to sell it for a million dollars. Would you still be happy being a video game designer if you only enjoyed moderate commercial success? If so, that might be a great goal for you.
    • Try writing down your end goal—seeing it on paper can help you stay motivated! [6]
3

Map out your big-picture plan with a series of small steps.

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    Don't just daydream about where you want to end up—start brainstorming steps you need to take to get there. Then, build a timeline where you write out all of the things you need to do to reach your goal, and give yourself a deadline to make them happen. [7]
    • For instance, if you want to climb a mountain one day, it's great to picture yourself standing at the top, but don't stop there. Research trails and climbing gear, practice on the rock-climbing wall at the gym, read about the altitude and weather on the mountain—anything you can do that will help you get ready to start that climb!
    • Sometimes even the smallest steps can help you stay motivated as you work toward your goal. Want to redecorate your entire house? Try picking up a couple of throw pillows or a new tablecloth while you're out.
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4

Have an intention for each day.

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    Take a few minutes at the start of each day to jot down your schedule—and be sure to build in some time to work toward your dreams. [8] What can you do right now to start accomplishing one of the smaller goals on your list? Once you check that off, move on to the next one—and don't be surprised if your life starts to change dramatically as you build up momentum! [9]
    • If you want to become more physically fit, you might set a goal to only drink 2 sodas and to exercise for 30 minutes that day. [10]
    • If your long-term plan is to start your own business, your goal might be to listen to a podcast on entrepreneurship every night.
    • Try repeating your end goal as a mantra at the start of each morning and every night before you go to bed. That can keep you focused as you move throughout the day. [11]
5

Track your progress—and make adjustments as needed.

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    The visual reminder of how far you've come can be a boost on days you're feeling a little discouraged. This can be as simple as making a list of your goals, then crossing them off one by one as you achieve them. You could also use an app to track changes like paying off debt or losing weight, or use a calendar to track a time-based goal like sobriety. [12]
    • Also, re-evaluate your plans every so often, and stay flexible. Your vision of the perfect life might change over time—and that's fine! If that happens, don't be afraid to change course. [13]
    Oprah Winfrey, Entertainment Mogul

    Design a meaningful life that you feel good about living. "The challenge of life, I have found, is to build a resume that doesn't simply tell a story about what you want to be, but that tells a story about who you want to be."

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6

Use daily affirmations to keep yourself motivated.

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    Say it to yourself at the start of the day to help you keep your big picture in mind as you make decisions, and repeat it again before bed as you reflect on what you accomplished that day. This can keep you energized as you create the life you want, even if you're working on goals that might take a long time to reach. [14]
    • For instance, you might start and end each day by saying, "I deserve to be the healthiest version of myself," or, "I will work for myself in 5 years."
7

Look at your job as a learning opportunity.

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    It can be difficult to transition into a new career, so if that's your goal, it can feel frustrating to work at a job in a different field. However, it can help a lot if you find an aspect of your job that might help you in the future. Then, focus on being as good at that as possible. [15]
    • For instance, if you want to own your own boutique one day, but you work in fast food right now, you might make it a priority to give your guests the best service you possibly can—customer service is an important skill in retail, too!
    • If you feel like you've learned everything you can from the job you have now, or there's nothing that will help you later on, work on building up your experience through things like taking classes or doing freelance work.
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8

Don't be afraid to take calculated risks.

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    Designing your dream life means that sometimes, you have to get a little uncomfortable. Don't be reckless, but do keep an open mind—you might need to just say "Yes" and jump when an opportunity presents itself! [16]
    • If you want to travel, for instance, sooner or later you're going to have to take the plunge and take time off work! If your dream is to open your own restaurant, you'll have to get ready to hustle when you find the perfect space.
    • Having big dreams sometimes means taking on more responsibilities. If you want a bigger house, you'll probably have to have a larger house payment.
9

Get smart about your money.

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    Does it ever seem like money just slips through your fingers? Having a short-term budget and a long-term financial plan can help you feel more in control of your finances. And in time, that can make it easier to turn your goals and dreams into reality! [17]
    • For instance, you might figure out that 75% of your paycheck goes to essentials like bills and groceries. Out of the 25% that's left over, try putting 10% into emergency savings and 10% into a long-term retirement fund or investment portfolio. Then, you can use the extra 5% as your pocket money.
    • Invest in your dreams, too—if you can take a college course for the same price as attending a weekend-long festival, think seriously about which one will make you happier in the long run.
    • Don't feel like you have to budget every single dollar you make for serious stuff, though—you're more likely to stick to your plan if you leave room for the things you really enjoy, like dining out once in a while. After all, the point of all this is to help you live the life you really want!
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10

Don't get discouraged by roadblocks.

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    You might have unexpected financial issues or health problems, for instance, or you might decide to take some time away from your career to start a family. When things like that happen, you might need to take a step back to re-evaluate your strategy—but it doesn't mean you need to give up completely. When you finally reach your goals, you'll enjoy your success that much more because of everything you've overcome to get there. [18]
    • When you're facing a setback, remind yourself why you got started in the first place. For instance, if you want to get fit but you're struggling to eat healthier, don't focus on what your body looks like—think about what you want your body to be able to do, like playing tag with your kids or running a marathon. [19]
11

Be disciplined about your goals.

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    Don't choose what's easy over what you really want in the long term. When you're working toward a life-changing goal, you'll sometimes have to say no to things like going out with your friends, binge-watching shows on Netflix, or buying those new shoes that you want-but-don't-need. [20]
    • You don't necessarily have to cut all of the fun things out of your life, but make sure that your long-term goal is always your top priority. For instance, if you're taking an online course to help you get your dream job, you might have an hour of non-negotiable study time after work every single day—no matter what else is going on.
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12

Take responsibility for your life.

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    You can't have your dream life if you're just living passively—you have to be willing to take charge of everything that happens to you. That might mean advocating for yourself when it's time for a promotion or making time for the gym every day. On the other hand, it also means being willing to take responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming other people for what happens to you. [21]
    • If you get a bad grade on a test, your first reaction might be to say, "I couldn't study because of my loud neighbors." Instead, remind yourself that you could have put on headphones or gone to the library to study.
13

Pay attention to people who inspire you.

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    When you're working to build the life you really want, try to spend time around other people who have done the same. Look for people who are motivated and successful—especially people who have found success doing what you want to do. Ask them for advice and pay attention to their habits to see what traits they have that might help you in your own life. [22]
    • You don't have to give up your old friends, but if they have habits that hold them back in life, be careful that you don't imitate them. [23]
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14

Tune out negativity.

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  1. Listen to criticism but don't take it too seriously. If someone questions your path, take some time to consider whether they're bringing up a good point. If you need to, make small adjustments in your plan to account for their feedback. However, don't give up just because other people criticize you or tell you that you can't do something. Remind yourself that they're speaking from their own perspective, and it's okay if that's different from yours. [24]

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I live my life without feeling guilty?
    Amber Rosenberg, PCC
    Pacific Life Coach
    Amber Rosenberg is a Professional Life Coach, Career Coach, and Executive Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. As the owner of Pacific Life Coach, she has 20+ years of coaching experience and a background in corporations, tech companies, and nonprofits. Amber trained with the Coaches Training Institute and is a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).
    Amber Rosenberg, PCC
    Pacific Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Think about your vision for your life and how that defines your priorities. When you're focused on what's truly important for you, it's easier to let go of guilt about not being able to "do it all" or "be everything to everyone."
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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      References

      1. ↑ Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Pacific Life Coach. Expert Interview. 26 April 2021.
      2. ↑ https://www.inc.com/nicolas-cole/you-either-live-by-default-or-you-live-by-design-you-choose.html
      3. ↑ Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Pacific Life Coach. Expert Interview. 26 April 2021.
      4. ↑ Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Pacific Life Coach. Expert Interview. 26 April 2021.
      5. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/285049
      6. ↑ https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/10-ways-to-overcome-your-fears-so-you-can-live-your-dreams.html
      7. ↑ https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/10-ways-to-overcome-your-fears-so-you-can-live-your-dreams.html
      8. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/keystone-habits-that-transform-your-life-2015-8
      9. ↑ https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/10-ways-to-overcome-your-fears-so-you-can-live-your-dreams.html
      1. ↑ https://www.inc.com/nicolas-cole/7-steps-to-transform-yourself-from-who-you-are-to-who-you-want-to-be.html
      2. ↑ https://www.inc.com/nicolas-cole/you-either-live-by-default-or-you-live-by-design-you-choose.html
      3. ↑ https://www.inc.com/nicolas-cole/you-either-live-by-default-or-you-live-by-design-you-choose.html
      4. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/304275
      5. ↑ https://www.inc.com/nicolas-cole/7-steps-to-transform-yourself-from-who-you-are-to-who-you-want-to-be.html
      6. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/304275
      7. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/304275
      8. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/304275
      9. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/304275
      10. ↑ https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/10-ways-to-overcome-your-fears-so-you-can-live-your-dreams.html
      11. ↑ https://www.inc.com/nicolas-cole/you-either-live-by-default-or-you-live-by-design-you-choose.html
      12. ↑ https://www.inc.com/nicolas-cole/you-either-live-by-default-or-you-live-by-design-you-choose.html
      13. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/celinnedacosta/2018/07/31/3-ways-to-start-designing-your-dream-life/?sh=17139d961253
      14. ↑ https://www.inc.com/nicolas-cole/you-either-live-by-default-or-you-live-by-design-you-choose.html
      15. ↑ https://www.inc.com/nicolas-cole/you-either-live-by-default-or-you-live-by-design-you-choose.html

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