How to Break Up with Someone You’re Not Officially Dating

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The dos and don'ts of ending a casual relationship
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When it comes to the world of dating, casual relationships can be especially hard to navigate. Maybe your relationship lost its spark, or you just don’t feel the same way that you did before. Telling the other person you want to end things can be intimidating and awkward, but you owe it to them, and yourself, to be upfront about your feelings. Not to worry—we’ve answered a lot of your frequently-asked questions, so you can move toward a happier, healthier chapter in your future.

Things You Should Know

  • End a casual relationship once you know it’s no longer working—but pick a good time when neither of you has anything else going on, and do it in person.
  • Be honest about how you feel, but be gentle about it. Try to weave some positives in, and ground your breakup in “I” statements: “I feel that it’s not working out.”
  • Avoid continuing to hook up or send any other mixed messages after breaking up, as this could make things messier and more painful for you both.
Question 1 of 11:

When is it time to end a casual relationship?

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  1. Don’t try to extend the relationship, or wait for the “magic” to come back. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t feel the same way you did before, but it’s best to let your hook-up know as soon as you can.
    • Don’t keep the other person on “standby” until a new person comes along. Instead, break things off as soon as you can. This way, you can start looking for someone who really satisfies your needs—and so can they.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1611 wikiHow readers why they want to break up with their partner, and only 9% of them said their partner cheated on them. [Take Poll] Remember, you shouldn’t wait for your partner to do something horrible to break up with them. You’re allowed to end the relationship if you no longer want to be in it, no matter your reason.
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Question 2 of 11:

Should I end things in person?

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  1. Even if you haven’t been hooking up for that long, it’s still worth meeting face-to-face whenever you decide to break things off. Shoot them a text or give them a call and see if they’re free to meet up. [1]
    • If you’re unable to make an in-person meeting work, try talking on the phone or chatting over video.
Question 3 of 11:

When should I have the conversation?

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  1. Try not to meet up first thing in the morning, or right when the other person gets off work. Instead, pick a time when you both can focus on the conversation without any distractions.
    • You might meet up on the weekend, or sometime in the early evening.
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Question 4 of 11:

How do I break things off without being rude?

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  1. Let them know that you aren’t really into the relationship and that you need to break things off. Try to politely explain how you’re feeling, and let them know why things haven’t been working. [2]
    • You might say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but I can’t really see this relationship going anywhere. I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other.”
Question 5 of 11:

How do I end things on a good note?

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  1. Using “I” statements puts the focus entirely on your feelings and experiences, rather than laying any blame on the other person. These statements are a great way to be honest without hurting any feelings in the process. [3]
    • You could say something like, “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and I’m not ready for a relationship” or “My schedule is really exhausting, and I don’t have the energy for late-night booty calls.”
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Question 6 of 11:

Is it okay to end a casual relationship over text?

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  1. It’s preferable to end things in person, but texting is better than nothing. If the relationship is really casual, a basic text can break things off while still providing the other person with closure. [4]
    • You could say, “It’s been fun getting to know you, but I don’t really feel a connection here. Best wishes!”
    • You might also text something like, “I don’t feel like we’re a good match. It’s nothing personal, but I think it’s best if we stop meeting up.”
Question 7 of 11:

How do I end things with someone who won’t commit?

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  1. It can be really tough when you and your hook-up have different long-term goals for the relationship. Instead, let them know that the relationship isn’t meeting your needs, and that you need to break things off. Stress that, while you don’t have any hard feelings, you don’t want to meet up with them anymore. [5]
    • You might say something like, “I’ve had a fun time over the past few weeks, but I’m really looking for a long-term relationship. I really wish you the best, but I need to put myself first.”
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Question 8 of 11:

Is it okay to delete them on social media after we’ve split up?

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  1. It can be tough to see an ex on TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram every time you log on. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with unfriending, unfollowing, or even blocking them to give yourself a sense of space and privacy. [6]
    • You could even mute them temporarily while you adjust to no longer being together. This way, if you eventually feel like you’d like to reconnect, you can do so easily.
Question 9 of 11:

Is it okay to ghost someone?

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  1. Ghosting, or cutting off communication without any explanation, may seem like the easy way out, but it leaves your ex with a lot more questions than answers. Instead, at least shoot them a text to let them know that you don’t want to go out anymore. This way, the other person won’t wonder what went wrong. [7]
  2. If your ex is abusive, manipulative, or ignorant of your boundaries, it’s okay to cut things off without any explanation. Your safety and emotional wellbeing are most important! [8]
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Question 10 of 11:

How will they react to me breaking up with them?

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  1. Breakups are unpleasant all around. Even if you do everything perfectly and it’s ultimately what’s best for you both, the other person could still wind up with some hurt feelings, especially if they were more invested in the relationship than you. Don’t expect them to retaliate (and you certainly don’t deserve it if they do), but prepare for the possibility that they’ll respond with anger or that they’ll blame you for the breakup. [9]
    • Even if you want to stay friends after, realize they may not want to—and their friends may not want to, either. They may come around in time, or they might not.
Question 11 of 11:

Is it okay if we still hook up once in a while?

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  1. Hooking up can lead to a lot of mixed messages, and will only complicate things in the future. Instead, try to break things off as cleanly as possible, so you can both move on.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What should I do if I'm not sure whether I want to break up or not?
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Ask yourself a series of basic questions about the relationship, and answer them honestly. Do they make you a better person? Do they make you happy? Do they make you better and stronger? If the answer to some, or all of those questions is "no," it's probably time to move on.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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    Not Helpful 0 Helpful 9
  • Question
    Why break up with someone if it's just a casual thing?
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Your time is valuable. If you don't see a future with this other person and you're not enjoying yourself, just move on. If you're still having fun and the other person adds something to your life, it's totally fine to stay together!
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202211/how-break
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/assembly-required/202109/4-keys-breaking-well-and-sticking-it
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5961625/
      4. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/8005c989-3226-435b-b87c-da5ece40fad3
      5. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a26397512/situationship-dating-definition/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/assembly-required/202109/4-keys-breaking-well-and-sticking-it
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201903/when-is-it-ok-ghost-someone
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201903/when-is-it-ok-ghost-someone
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202211/how-break

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