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Whether you've been together for years and you want to make sure she knows how much you love her, or if this is the first time you're dropping the "L-word," expressing your love can be scary. But it doesn't have to be. Instead of comparing yourself to the movies and music ideal of love, just be honest and open about how you feel.
Steps
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Think of her specific, unique qualities that you love. Telling someone you love her doesn't happen every day, and very few people will ever become such an important object of your affection. To genuinely express your love from the heart, think about the things that make this woman special. They can be little memories you share, a quirk she has you can't get enough of, or skills and a personality that still amazes you.
- You may bring these things up when you talk, you may not. What is important is that you understand why you feel in love. It is much easier to express something, after all, if you understand it.
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Choose a quiet, safe, and generally happy time to talk. You simply want somewhere you can comfortably express your feelings and listen to her response. After a date, on a walk, or simply a quiet moment alone are all good places to talk, but don't stress too much over the location. The words, not the place, are far more important and exciting. That said, there are some not-so-great times to say "I love you" the first time:
- After sex
- While drunk or intoxicated
- Online or over the phone (unless you cannot see each other in person)
- During or after a fight or argument.
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Keep it simple and honest. While movies may tell you you have to be special or original with your message, you don't. Spending all your time planning or waiting for a perfect moment grossly misses the point of your relationship. You are in love — so just keep it simple and let her know. It will be more than enough, guaranteed.
- This isn't to say there is no time for romance and spectacle in your relationship. But expressing your love for someone is a big emotional development — you don't need bells and whistles.
- How happy she makes you, good memories you've shared, your hopes and feelings — this is more than enough "material" to work with without feeling like you must write a poem or plan an event. [1] X Research source
- Reader Poll: We asked 676 wikiHow readers, and 57% of them agreed that the memory they cherish the most about their relationship is the moment they first met their partner or felt sparks fly . [Take Poll]
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Just put the words out there. Take a deep breath and count to three. When you finish, tell yourself you're just going to blurt out "I love you." This is all it takes — three seconds of courage for a potential lifetime of happiness. Don't get caught up in an intro, perfect wording, or anything fancy. Just tell her, "I love you."
- "I'm in love with you."
- "These last months have been some of the best in my life, and I've been so lucky to meet you. I love you."
- "I've had something on my chest for a while, and it feels good to let it out. I love you."
- Pull her in close for a hug or kiss and, before breaking the embrace, whisper, "I love you."
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Once you're done talking, sit back and listen, no matter what the response. Think of it this way — you are telling someone you feel one of the most powerful emotions you've ever felt, and you've been dealing with this feeling for a few days or weeks. She is hearing this for the first time, and she may need some time to process her feelings. You can't control how she is going to respond, nor should you try. Instead, listen to her response and let her lead the conversation. [2] X Research source
- It takes an immense amount of courage to tell someone you love them. Be proud of yourself.
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If you can't see each other in person, express your feelings through a phone call or letter. Don't feel like you must wait to be reunited with someone to express your love — if you feel it, let it out. That said, it's hard to understand from a short letter or text message what a quick "I love you" means (is it a joke, serious, semi-serious?) so don't leave any doubt. Take the time to express your feelings in a way that leaves no doubt in your beloved's mind.
- Let her know that you'd rather talk to her in person, but couldn't keep your feelings secret any longer.
- Elaborate on why you've suddenly started feeling this way, and can't keep it in any more. Give her the feeling and backstory.
- Say that you don't need a response or answer immediately, just that you needed to get this off your chest. [3] X Research source
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Say "I love you" when you feel in love, not because you think you "must" say it. Some people can comfortably say "I love you" multiple times a day. Others are more reserved, feeling like over-saying it might lessen its power and beauty. Wherever you fall, there is a good way to make sure your expressions of love only come when you really mean them. [4] X Expert Source Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.- If expressing your love feels like a burden on you, then you need to re-examine how you actually feel about her. Are your issues with the word "love" or the emotion of love?
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Use other words to express your love without always saying "I love you." You don't have to be a broken record to express your love regularly. Telling her that you're grateful for her presence, that you're excited just being around her, that you adore her, or any other synonyms for love will get the point across without making your words seem rote or unthoughtful. Try:
- "I am better because of you."
- "I cannot stop thinking about you."
- "You drive me crazy on a daily basis, and I love it."
- Use cutesy terms she likes, like darling, honey, doll, etc. [5] X Research source
- If either of you can speak multiple languages, try saying "I love you" in one of those other languages.
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Let her know how much you appreciate her help and support. Acknowledge the little things she does for you and let her know how cool it is. Tell her that her spaghetti sauce is especially good on the days that it is, and remind her how important her support has been when you're going through tough times. A great way to express your love is to show that you're paying attention and are appreciative, making her a big part of your thoughts. [6] X Expert Source Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019. Good times include:- After taking care of you or chipping in during a tough time.
- When you've felt stressed and are worried you've taken it out on her.
- Occasionally remembering regular chores or help. If she packs your lunch every morning before work for you, be sure to thank her for it.
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Offer your forgiveness and withhold your blame. A loving couple is a team, getting through life's challenges together, not alone. When you hold a mistake over someone's head after she has apologized, however, or you keep a grudge going because you fault her for hard times, you're breaking up the bond. Love is easily expressed in forgiveness, as it shows that your bond is deeper than one issue or mistake. Blaming someone for a problem turns things into a me vs. you scenario. [7] X Research source
- Forgiveness can take time, and that is okay. The point is that you express your love through your willingness to look past honest mistakes, loving the person in her entirety, flaws and all.
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Be open and honest during arguments instead of hiding or sheltering concerns. Even loving couples fight, and that is okay. What is more important is how you fight. There will always be issues and differences, but loving couples know that getting things out in the open is more important than burying feelings for a later day. In its own way, this is an expression of love to a girl — the trust that you can be honest her, and that you can trust her to do the same. [8] X Expert Source Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.- There is no such thing as doing something to "prove your love." Love isn't a loan or scientific idea — it doesn't need to be proven. [9] X Research source
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Make her a part of your plans and future. People that you love are naturally part of your future. When you close your eyes, she is there by your side, and letting her know this is a great way to express your love without saying the words. This doesn't mean you map out every detail from marriage to kids — it just means you let her know you're excited to keep her in your life.
- "If we could retire together right now, where would you want to go with me?"
- Talk about your career and living plans, dreaming, scheming, and planning together even if nothing comes of it.
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Find time once a day to tell or show her your love. If you make an effort to show your love once a day, whether with a good-night "I love you" or by simply putting his toothpaste on her brush for her, you'll keep the relationship strong for a long time. If you're worried about showing your affection, just think about finding one time a day where you can. Even an extra-long, passionate kiss is a great way to slow down time with her for a half-second. [10] X Research source
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Show physical affection, and talk about each other's needs. Some people don't mind cuddling up any chance they get. Others prefer to save intimate moments for intimate times. Communication effectively is best way to show affection and express your love in a way everyone is comfortable with. [11] X Expert Source Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019. That said, you should feel comfortable expressing your love in public in some capacity:- Hugging and/or kissing goodbye
- Holding hands
- Light joshing around, flirty pushing and shoving
- Telling her you love her around your friends or strangers.
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Do little favors for her, especially unexpected ones. Complete one of her chores for her or scramble eggs for breakfast in bed on Sunday. When you show her that you're thinking of her when it's not a special occasion, she'll know that you love her without having to hear it.
- This is especially important when she is stressed out. What can you take off her plate to make her life a little easier?
- Don't do these favors to get anything in return — just do them to make her a little happier and show your love.
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Use date nights and little occasions to celebrate your love. Take time and effort to splash some color into your life. This doesn't mean blowing your whole paycheck on her; it means setting aside time each week or day for couple time. When you set aside your schedule to be with her and spend some blissful hours together, the message is clear — you love her, and you're willing to express it.
- A date night can be take-out and a movie or a fancy restaurant. Maybe you'd rather go camping, in the backyard or a national park. Perhaps you just want to go to a museum and wander for a few hours. The time and thought is the important part.
- Though you can't do it every time, surprises are a great way to express your love on a special day.
- Remember important dates and events — attention to your relationship on these days makes a big impact. Unfortunately, so does forgetting them. [12] X Research source
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Give her space and free time to be herself. Trusting and allowing her to have fun on her own is key to a strong, healthy relationship. Just because you love her doesn't mean you need to become her shadow. If you really love her, you can happily set her free, counting down the minutes until she comes back. [13] X Research source
- When you are apart, it's okay to want to talk or text. Just don't "hover" over her every action or moment. Let her have fun and you'll have good stories to share when you're reunited.
- When you know you're in love, you don't have to be jealous. She'll come back.
Esther Perel, PsychotherapistShared experience and individuality are both important in a healthy relationship. "Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness."
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QuestionWhat's the most important thing to do in a relationship?Jin Kim is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ individuals, people of color, and those that may have challenges related to reconciling multiple and intersectional identities. Jin received his Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT-Affirming Psychology, in 2015.The most important aspect of building and maintaining a healthy relationship is to work on healthy communication. Have conversations, learn your partner’s communication style, utilize “I-statements,” and get in a regular habit of expressing your feelings towards each other.
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Tips
- Love is a very strong word, find what it means to you first.Thanks
- Be able to take this risk. She may tell you she loves you, too, or she may not. This doesn't mean she doesn't love you or won't be in the future — it just means she's not ready to say it now.Thanks
- Respect yourself! Think,"any girl would be lucky to have me." Just don't let your ego get to you.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://allwomenstalk.com/12-signs-its-the-right-time-to-say-i-love-you
- ↑ http://elitedaily.com/dating/10-ways-know-youre-love-someone-dont-just-like/685279/
- ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/2013177056/actions-mean-i-love-you
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
- ↑ http://grammar.yourdictionary.com/style-and-usage/love-expression-in-words.html
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-gratitude/201304/10-ways-express-love
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
- ↑ http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a7039/tell-him-you-love-him-without-words/
- ↑ http://www.yourtango.com/2013177056/actions-mean-i-love-you
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
- ↑ http://www.romanceways.com/how-to-express-love-to-a-girl-2.html
- ↑ http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a7039/tell-him-you-love-him-without-words/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you’re having trouble expressing your love to a girl, start by listing the specific and unique qualities that you love about her, like shared memories or her adorable quirks, and occasionally work them into your conversations. Let her know how much she means to you by saying something like, “I’m better because of you.” Ignore the grand gestures you’ve seen in the movies and instead keep what you have to say simple and honest, since this will come off as more authentic and genuine. For more of our reviewer’s tips, including how to give her space to process her feelings, keep reading.
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Reader Success Stories
- "Tell her that you love her. Prepare yourself. Don't force her, if she says no don't worry, it means that she is not ready." ..." more
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