Feigning Ignorance: What It Means & Why People Do It

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Learn the signs someone is acting oblivious to manipulate you
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When someone is feigning ignorance, they are intentionally acting oblivious or unaware about a situation, often to avoid accountability and responsibility. This tactic can be manipulative, especially when its done with malicious or harmful intentions. In this article, we're doing a deep dive into the concept of feigning ignorance, including why people do it and how to respond to it.

What does it mean to feign ignorance?

To feign ignorance means to intentionally act oblivious or unaware of something, usually to avoid accountability and responsibility. It’s considered a manipulation tactic because it influences someone’s thoughts with falsehoods. Feigned ignorance can occur in the workplace, relationships, and legal situations.

Section 1 of 7:

What does feigning ignorance mean?

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  1. When you’re confronted or questioned about something and you act like you have no idea what the person is talking about (even though you absolutely do), you are feigning ignorance. Feigning ignorance is considered to be a form of manipulation, especially when it's done for selfish reasons or with malicious intent. [1]
    • Example: “Dude, I asked him to take out the garbage and he asked me where the garbage goes, even though he takes it out every week.”
    • Example: “I can’t stand it! I asked you to clean the house and you told me you would do it by Sunday, then Sunday comes around and you act like you have no idea what I’m talking about! Stop pretending and get to it, man. Please.”
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Section 2 of 7:

Why People Feign Ignorance (With Examples)

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  1. When someone wants to avoid putting forth effort or owning up to a mistake, they may feign ignorance. For example, a work colleague may act as though they're unaware of a deadline in order to avoid getting in trouble for not doing the work. For example: [2]
    • You: “Hey, welcome back to the office! I hope you had a good weekend. Did you get those weekly reports in on Friday like I asked?”
    • Your Coworker: “Weekly reports? I don’t recall you asking me about those? Are you sure it wasn’t someone else?”
  2. 2
    To avoid conflict Some people feign ignorance to avoid confrontation or negative interactions. Even if they don't mean it maliciously, feigning ignorance can cause problems in a friendship or relationship because it's dishonest. Over time, this can create a lot of resentment. [3]
    • Them: “Hey, I’m sorry we were arguing last night. I can tell you’re still upset and I’m sorry.”
    • You: “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m all good! Don’t worry about me.”
  3. Some people feign ignorance when they do something wrong so they don't feel as judged or criticized. Acting clueless indicates to the other person that they had no idea they were making a mistake, so they shouldn't be judged for it. For example:
    • Them: “I know you’ve been complaining about how I haven’t been picking up around the house, but I just wanted to know what I should do?”
    • You: “We’ve been here for two years, man. I thought you’d know how to do these chores. I just need you to clean the bathroom and kitchen.”
  4. 4
    To manipulate others into saying more than they intended Some people choose to play dumb to get information out of people. Say you’re gossiping with a friend and they start talking about a situation you're already aware of. You may feign ignorance about the situation so you can hear their side of the story, complete with all the juicy details. For example:
    • Them: “Did you hear about what happened to Jackson at Rachel’s party? It was so messed up!”
    • You (knowing he passed out): “No, what?! Were you there? What did he do?”
  5. Some people feign ignorance in social situations to control or steer the conversation. This usually isn't done maliciously, but more as a way to facilitate small talk or avoid awkward conversations. For example:
    • Them: “Man, have you seen that TikTok of that girl buying her man dinner? I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t let a female pay for my food.”
    • You: “Can’t say that I’ve seen that TikTok, man. I did see that Halftime Show, though! Man, Kendrick did his thing!”
  6. 6
    To influence how they’re perceived Some people may feign ignorance so they're seen as less competent, which causes others to lower their expectations. This can ease performance pressure, take eyes off of them, or cause others to be floored when they surpass their expectations. [4]
    • Them: “Woah! I didn’t know you were able to lift that much! Since when did you start doing that?”
    • You: “Oh this? Man, I’m just gifted with strength, I guess!”
  7. Some people play dumb so that others underestimate them. People tend to drop their guard when they don't feel threatened or challenged, giving the person playing dumb a chance to gain the upper hand. For example: [5]
    • Them: “Thanks for sitting down with me to negotiate these new prices. I take it you have no objections to the $50 increase, considering you haven’t spoken on it since it was first proposed.”
    • You: “Well, now that you mention it, I am curious about how much of that increase is going to be returned to the company. Do you mind explaining that before we go put pen to paper?”
  8. 8
    To ignore relationship commitments A partner who feigns ignorance may commit to doing something, like a date or a chore, but when the time comes to actually do it, they act clueless about it. That way, they don't ever have to take responsibility for not doing something they promised to do. For example: [6]
    • You: “I’m so excited for our date tomorrow! I can’t believe you remembered my favorite restaurant. What time is our reservation?”
    • Them: “Reservation? Babe, what are you talking about? We were just talking about saving money! I think I’d know if I made a reservation, haha!”
  9. If someone is feigning ignorance in a legal case, it may be because they’re intentionally withholding details from important people, like a lawyer or an officer of the law. They may get into a situation where they feel as though keeping the information to themselves is the best course of action, which causes them to intentionally avoid telling an authority figure, even when asked. For example, say you’re a lawyer handling a case:
    • You: “I know it was probably a lot to handle, but do you know how fast you were going when you got into the fender bender?”
    • Them (knowing their speed caused the accident): “No, I honestly have no idea. Everything was so jarring.”
    • Lying to your lawyer can make your case go worse than intended, as they’re working under false pretenses. This can cause them to develop a poorer case, as they typically rely on clients for the facts of the situation. [7]
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Section 3 of 7:

How to Recognize Feigned Ignorance

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  1. When you suspect someone is feigning ignorance, take a good look at their body language and listen to their tone to see if their ignorance is genuine or not. [8] Someone who is lying may speak in a higher or lower tone than usual. [9] They may fidget with their nails or shake their hands and may struggle to make eye contact.
    • Psychotherapist Kelli Miller says that when people cross their arms, they may have more closed-off energy. Look for this when studying your partner’s body language.
  2. When you suspect that someone is feigning ignorance, take a step back and reflect on your history together. Do they have a pattern of acting clueless in certain situations, but completely competent in near-identical situations? If so, they may be trying to avoid responsibility and only showing up to the plate when they feel like it. For example: [10]
    • Them: “Hey man, I know you said I can just drive you up to the mall instead of paying you back for gas, but I don’t think I’d be down to do that. I’m not sure how far the mall is.”
    • You: “Bro what? You drove when we went to the mall last week. Besides, it’s five minutes down the street!”
  3. When someone is feigning ignorance, they tend to ask constant questions about things that are practically common sense, especially in situations where everyone is expected to have a certain level of knowledge. By asking a load of questions under the guise of cluelessness, they can shuffle their responsibilities off to you.
  4. If you suspect that someone is feigning ignorance, take a step back and look at the context of the situation. Consider whether the situation is pushing at something they genuinely want to hide or if they just aren’t aware of what’s going on. If they are genuinely trying to hide something, consider why that’s the case. [11]
    • If you notice your partner is being intentionally oblivious about a holiday or your birthday, ask yourself why they’re doing so. Are they tight on money? Are they surprising you? Or, are they having second thoughts?
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Section 4 of 7:

How to Respond to Feigning Ignorance

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  1. By kindly, patiently explaining the situation to someone who is feigning ignorance, you give them fewer chances to act oblivious to the situation, which can force them to hold themselves accountable and take action when needed. For example, if you ask your partner to wipe down a table and they ask how they should wipe it down, calmly explain to them that they should spray the table with a cleaning solution, wait 30 seconds, then wipe it away with a dry cloth.
    • If able, read them the instructions to the task you want them to do so there’s less chance for “confusion” or error.
    • If you struggle with patience, try practicing patience with yourself first. Deeply breathe when waiting for something and try to avoid rushing things. [12]
  2. Kindly ask probing questions to reveal the truth and gauge whether your partner is being honest with you or not. For example, if you suspect that your partner is feigning ignorance about picking up dinner or not being truthful about their whereabouts for the day, ask them something like “Hey, I know we haven’t been in touch today, but did you remember to grab dinner like you said?” [13]
    • By asking them if they remembered, reminding them that they said it, and being direct, you’re giving your partner fewer chances to lie about the situation.
  3. When you are confronted with someone who is feigning ignorance, clearly lay down to them the facts of the situation and hold them accountable for their ignorance. Say you and your partner are going on a date that they planned and they act clueless once the day arrives. Hold them accountable by reminding them that they planned out the date and make sure you include as many details as you can.
    • This can leave them with fewer chances to scurry out of the conversation by acting clueless, especially if you provide them with details.
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Section 5 of 7:

Is feigning ignorance manipulative?

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  1. By intentionally playing dumb to get out of a situation, you are manipulating the person who’s confronting you. You’re intentionally trying to confuse them and cause them to not believe in their own thoughts, which is manipulative. It’s manipulative if you lie to someone and say you have no idea what they’re talking about when they confront you about something you know you did. For example: [14]
    • Them: “Did you go through my phone last night? I woke up to a bunch of my messages deleted and you’re the only one who has my passcode.”
    • You: “No way! I’d never do that. There must have been a glitch or something.”
      • If you know that you went through their phone the night before and decide to lie about it, that’s manipulative.
Section 6 of 7:

Is it ever okay to feign ignorance?

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  1. Feigning ignorance can be done without being manipulative, and it’s okay if you aren’t doing it to avoid accountability. For example, if you’re intentionally lying about a surprise party because you don’t want to spoil the surprise, that’d be okay, even if you’re feigning ignorance. It’d also be okay if you’re trying to get valuable input about something, like a product you’re selling. [15]
    • You can also feign ignorance if you know an issue isn’t worth your time. For example, if someone accuses you of doing something that you know you didn’t do, you can act oblivious to shut the situation down.
    • If someone accuses you of doing something you know you did, it’s best to own up to it. If you don’t, then it’d be manipulative.
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Section 7 of 7:

Related & Similar Terms

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  1. 1
    Sealioning Sealioning is a form of trolling that involves pestering someone with questions and requests in an attempt to upset them and make their claim or belief seem invalid. For example, if you’re arguing with someone in a comment section and they start bombarding you with questions about sources for your claims, who you support, and other questions along those lines, they may be sealioning. [16]
  2. 2
    Weaponized incompetence Weaponized incompetence is when someone knowingly or unknowingly shows that they’re unable to perform or master specific tasks, which often leads to others handling their work. For example, if someone acts like they’re unable to handle a chore, that may lead to you having to do it instead. [17]
  3. 3
    Shirking responsibility Shirking your responsibilities means to avoid dealing with them even though you have an obligation to do so. For example, you may say that you’re going to wash the dishes once you get home from work, but you may end up deciding to doomscroll instead. [18]
  4. 4
    Disingenuous Someone who is disingenuous is lacking in frankness and sincerity. They are often intentionally choosing to be insincere or withhold information. For example, if you ask someone what they think about your outfit and they say that they think it’s nice, but their body language tells you they dislike it, they’re being disingenuous. [19]
  5. 5
    Coy When someone is being coy, that means they are showing reluctance to make a definite commitment to something or someone. For example, if you and a potential partner are talking about taking a vacation in the summer and they entertain the conversation even though they are reluctant to commit to the vacation, they are being coy. [20]
  6. 6
    Facetious Someone who is being facetious is often trying to be funny or humorous, sometimes inappropriately. Similar to how someone who is feigning ignorance avoids accountability, someone can be facetious in order to draw attention away from a situation they view as unfavorable. [21]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/03/10/manipulation-by-acting-dumb/
      2. ↑ https://youtu.be/SY3AEacwWrs?si=foUvpHGz7Lnimuxv&t=101
      3. ↑ https://youtu.be/SY3AEacwWrs?si=foUvpHGz7Lnimuxv&t=101
      4. ↑ https://www.financialsamurai.com/are-you-smart-enough-to-act-dumb-enough-to-get-ahead/
      5. ↑ https://www.financialsamurai.com/are-you-smart-enough-to-act-dumb-enough-to-get-ahead/
      6. ↑ https://strengthinmystory.com/feigning-ignorance/
      7. ↑ https://www.dentons.com/en/insights/newsletters/2023/july/10/practice-tips-for-lawyers/what-if-a-client-lies-to-their-lawyer
      8. ↑ https://youtu.be/SY3AEacwWrs?si=8V56-M2BDLP2RQrY&t=134
      9. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2016/03/deception
      1. ↑ https://strengthinmystory.com/feigning-ignorance/
      2. ↑ https://youtu.be/SY3AEacwWrs?si=8V56-M2BDLP2RQrY&t=134
      3. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/ways-to-have-more-patience-in-a-relationship/
      4. ↑ https://youtu.be/SY3AEacwWrs?si=8V56-M2BDLP2RQrY&t=134
      5. ↑ https://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/03/10/manipulation-by-acting-dumb/
      6. ↑ https://www.truematter.com/ideas/post/assumptions-about-users-to-banish-from-your-brain-forever
      7. ↑ https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/sealioning/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/weaponized-incompetence
      9. ↑ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shirk
      10. ↑ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/disingenuous
      11. ↑ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/coy
      12. ↑ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/facetious

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