Tell me your funniest jokes
Title says it all. I'm looking for a good laugh and want some funny lines that I can share with my friends. Give me your favorites!
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Expert Comments
Here is a basic principle of writing jokes that I'd recommend to anyone who wants to come up with some good ones: start with where you are. If you’re in a certain city or setting, there are always local quirks or cultural norms you can turn into material. For me, I'm located in Miami, so I base a lot of my humor there—there’s so much to joke about that people there would relate to.
Here are some examples of jokes I wrote recently about Miami and the crowd there:
–Going viral in Miami is easy. Just live the Miami life and hope whoever’s recording doesn’t use it as evidence.
–Only in Miami can the word “allegedly” raise your net worth.
–A successful happy hour is when you go out for one drink after work and end up splitting a $600 tab with people you just met.
–Hobbies in Miami are different. Some people collect sneakers, others collect business items.
–Mocktails aren’t about saving money. They’re about proving you can afford to be sober.
Ultimately, it really comes down to knowing your audience and your purpose. If your goal is injecting a joke into casual conversation, you just want to be present and aware. It's about noticing the absurdities of a conversation and understanding why something is funny, then building on it. You want to be relaxed—you're just enjoying yourself so much that you naturally notice the subtleties and funny details that lead to a great joke. If you're having genuine fun, you're more likely to be funny. That's a great position to be in.
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Here are some examples of jokes I wrote recently about Miami and the crowd there:
–Going viral in Miami is easy. Just live the Miami life and hope whoever’s recording doesn’t use it as evidence.
–Only in Miami can the word “allegedly” raise your net worth.
–A successful happy hour is when you go out for one drink after work and end up splitting a $600 tab with people you just met.
–Hobbies in Miami are different. Some people collect sneakers, others collect business items.
–Mocktails aren’t about saving money. They’re about proving you can afford to be sober.
Ultimately, it really comes down to knowing your audience and your purpose. If your goal is injecting a joke into casual conversation, you just want to be present and aware. It's about noticing the absurdities of a conversation and understanding why something is funny, then building on it. You want to be relaxed—you're just enjoying yourself so much that you naturally notice the subtleties and funny details that lead to a great joke. If you're having genuine fun, you're more likely to be funny. That's a great position to be in.
Reader Comments
I'm a big fan of dad jokes! Here are a few that tickle me:
- Two termites walk into a bar. One says, "Is the bar tender here?"
- How can tell when a joke becomes a dad joke? When it becomes apparent (a parent)
- Did you hear about the man who got all his lamps stolen? He was delighted
- What's brown and sticky? A stick
- (When you drive past a cemetery) People are dying to get in there...
- How do you know when a clock is still hungry? It goes back four seconds
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- Two termites walk into a bar. One says, "Is the bar tender here?"
- How can tell when a joke becomes a dad joke? When it becomes apparent (a parent)
- Did you hear about the man who got all his lamps stolen? He was delighted
- What's brown and sticky? A stick
- (When you drive past a cemetery) People are dying to get in there...
- How do you know when a clock is still hungry? It goes back four seconds
Oh I have a quite a few that make me chuckle, but these are hands-down my top jokes:
• Why didn't the teddy bear have any dessert? Because it was too stuffed!
• I've been reading a good book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down!
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out-standing in his field!
• What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
• A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?!”
• A duck walks into a pharmacy and walks up to the counter. “I’d like some Chapstick”, he tells the pharmacist. “How are you going to pay for that?” the pharmacist asks. The duck replies “Just put it on my bill”.
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• Why didn't the teddy bear have any dessert? Because it was too stuffed!
• I've been reading a good book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down!
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out-standing in his field!
• What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
• A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?!”
• A duck walks into a pharmacy and walks up to the counter. “I’d like some Chapstick”, he tells the pharmacist. “How are you going to pay for that?” the pharmacist asks. The duck replies “Just put it on my bill”.
Yesterday my friend asked me, "Are you even listening to me?"
That's a weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
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That's a weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
Here's one I like:
A recently-widowed woman is grieving at her deceased husband's funeral. A man approaches her and asks, “May I say a word?”
The woman nods through her tears.
The man stands up, clears his throat, and says “Plethora.”
The woman says, “Thanks that means a lot."
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A recently-widowed woman is grieving at her deceased husband's funeral. A man approaches her and asks, “May I say a word?”
The woman nods through her tears.
The man stands up, clears his throat, and says “Plethora.”
The woman says, “Thanks that means a lot."
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