What Does "A Friend of Dorothy" Mean?

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Your complete guide to this LGBTQ slang phrase
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You may have heard the term “friend of Dorothy” in older films or TV shows, but what exactly does it mean? If you’re looking for the answer to this question, you’re in the right place! We’ll go over the definition of this vintage LGBTQ slang phrase, explore its origins, and go over its historical uses. Keep reading for everything you need to know!

“Friend of Dorothy” 101

“Friend of Dorothy” is a code word for a gay man. It emerged in the mid 20th century, when gay people faced persecution in American society. Asking if someone was “a friend of Dorothy” became a discreet way to figure out if they were gay or an ally. The term was likely inspired by Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz .

Section 1 of 4:

“Friend of Dorothy” Definition

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  1. The term first emerged in the mid 20th century, around World War II. Since homosexuality was illegal at the time, asking if someone was a “friend of Dorothy” became a discreet way to figure out their sexuality without explicitly saying it. This allowed members of the LGBTQ community to identify safe spaces and connect with each other, without exposing themselves to homophobia or hostility. [1]
    • For example, if someone replied that he didn’t know anyone named Dorothy, this would suggest that he was straight. A gay person would then proceed with caution before revealing their sexuality in front of this person.
    • On the other hand, if someone confirmed that he was a friend of Dorothy, this would be a signal that he was also gay (or an ally), so it was safe to be open in front of him.
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Section 2 of 4:

Where does the phrase “Friend of Dorothy” come from?

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  1. The exact origins of the phrase are unclear, but many believe that the “Dorothy” in question is Dorothy Gale from L. Frank Baum’s classic books. Dorothy is a loving and open-minded character who accepts her new friends as they are, so it makes sense that she would be the inspiration for this term. Additionally, Judy Garland (who plays Dorothy in the 1939 film) was seen as a gay icon and LGBTQ ally, which further solidifies the connection. [2]
    • Many LGBTQ fans have also identified queer subtext in both the original novels and the movie.
    • For example, in Baum’s book The Road to Oz , a character says, “You have some queer friends, Dorothy,” to which Dorothy replies, “The queerness doesn’t matter, so long as they’re friends.” [3]
    • In the movie, Glinda the Good Witch also sings the song “Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are,” and these words became a rallying cry during the gay rights movement of the 1980s. [4]
    • Some have even suggested that Dorothy’s journey mirrors the experience of coming out. She leaves a rigid, black-and-white world, emerges into a colorful one, and creates a found family with her new friends—an experience many LGBTQ people can relate to.
  2. Dorothy Parker was a celebrated short story author and screenwriter in the 1920s and 30’s. Parker was married to a bisexual actor named Alan Campbell, and she was also known for throwing lavish parties that many gay men attended. [5] According to the story, gay guests who weren’t officially invited to the parties could simply say they were “friends of Dorothy” at the door to be let in. [6]
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Section 3 of 4:

“Friend of Dorothy” Historical Usage

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  1. Since “friend of Dorothy” was a discreet way to identify other gay people, it was most commonly used from around the 1940s to the end of the 1980s, when homophobia and hostility toward gay people were especially rampant in American culture. [7]
    • In casual conversation, someone might ask another person if they were “a friend of Dorothy” to gauge their reaction. If they were gay or an ally, they would usually confirm that they were a friend of Dorothy.
    • Eventually, the term started to be used in more public contexts as well. For example, in the 1980s, gay and lesbian passengers began planning events during cruises, and these gatherings were often publicized as “Friend of Dorothy” or “FOD” meet-ups. [8]
    • A famous misunderstanding regarding the phrase also occurred in the 1970s-80s. At the time, the Naval Investigative Service was investigating homosexuality, and they thought that Dorothy was an actual person who had intel on the gay community, so they spent time trying to hunt her down. [9]
  2. The gay rights movement of the late 20th century led to increased acceptance for LGBTQ people in American culture, so there was no longer as much of a need for secret lingo to identify other gay people. The term “Friend of Dorothy” became less common, and people began openly identifying as gay, rather than using coded language.
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Section 4 of 4:

Related LGBTQ Slang Terms

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  1. 1
    Friend of Mrs. King The phrase “friend of Mrs. King” was essentially the U.K. version of “friend of Dorothy,” and it was used in the same way. [10] If one wanted to figure out if another person was gay without revealing their own sexuality, they could simply ask if that person was “a friend of Mrs. King.”
  2. 2
    Dropping hairpins The slang term “dropping hairpins” meant dropping subtle hints that one was gay, often to signal to another person that it was safe for them to do the same. [11] Like “friend of Dorothy,” this phrase was most popular during the mid to late 20th century, when many gay people needed to be careful about revealing their sexualities due to homophobia.
    • “Dropping hairpins” was essentially a metaphor for “letting one’s hair down.” It meant that one was comfortable enough with another person to let their guard down and be themselves.
    • The Stonewall riots of 1969 were also famously referred to as “the hairpin drop heard around the world.” [12]
  3. 3
    Lavender marriage A “lavender marriage” was a marriage that was meant to hide the sexuality of one or both partners. These unions were popular in the early 20th century, when it was often necessary for LGBTQ people to hide their sexualities to avoid homophobia and persecution. [13] Although the members of lavender marriages weren’t romantically attracted to each other, they often cared for each other deeply as friends and partners.
    • The term originated during the Golden Age of Hollywood, when it was common for gay, lesbian, and bisexual movie stars to marry each other in order to avoid suspicion from the public. [14]
    • Judy Garland’s marriage to Vincent Minnelli is a famous example of a lavender marriage. Garland was aware that Minnelli was gay, and she even advised her daughter Liza to marry gay men because they made the best life partners. [15]
  4. 4
    Beard “Beard” is a slang term for a straight person who dates or marries a gay person in order to help them hide their sexuality. It can also refer to a relationship between a gay man and a lesbian woman, for the purposes of hiding both of their sexualities. The term emerged around the late 1950s and was most popular during the mid to late 20th century, similar to the term “friend of Dorothy.” [16]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.thepinknews.com/2020/11/16/friend-of-dorothy-meaning-the-crown-gay-queen-wizard-oz/
      2. ↑ https://www.distractify.com/p/friend-of-dorothy-meaning
      3. ↑ https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1038552-the-road-to-oz
      4. ↑ https://newsroom.ucla.edu/stories/the-history-of-coming-out-from-secret-gay-code-to-popular-political-protest
      5. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20170605-dorothy-parkers-stunning-wit-and-tragic-life
      6. ↑ https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2001-sep-08-me-43587-story.html
      7. ↑ https://www.cruisecritic.com/articles/what-is-a-friend-of-dorothy-on-a-cruise-ship-exploring-lgbtq-meetups-at-sea#the-history-of-the-friends-of-dorothy
      8. ↑ https://www.cruisecritic.com/articles/what-is-a-friend-of-dorothy-on-a-cruise-ship-exploring-lgbtq-meetups-at-sea#the-history-of-the-friends-of-dorothy
      9. ↑ https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2019/10/surrender-dorothy-century-us-navy-worst-branch-lgb-people/
      1. ↑ https://newsroom.ucla.edu/stories/the-history-of-coming-out-from-secret-gay-code-to-popular-political-protest
      2. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/03/style/the-end-of-gaydar.html
      3. ↑ https://stonewallhistory.omeka.net/items/show/31
      4. ↑ https://www.history.com/news/hollywood-lmarriages-gay-stars-lgbt
      5. ↑ https://www.history.com/news/hollywood-lmarriages-gay-stars-lgbt
      6. ↑ https://www.autostraddle.com/new-definition-gay-lavender-marriage/
      7. ↑ https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/07/08/what-exactly-is-an-lgbtq-beard-everything-you-need-to-know/

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