Funny Text Jokes: 45 Short & Hilarious Jokes to Send Your Friends

Examples of funny, clever, and corny jokes you can text to your friends

Co-authored by Glenn Carreau Reviewed by Seth Hall

Last Updated: November 21, 2024 Fact Checked

Want to make your friends laugh out loud with a text? Texting is a quick and easy way to connect with people, perfect for sending clever quips to brighten their day. All you need to do is find a few jokes that translate well on a phone screen! If you need a little inspiration, look no further. We’ve put together a handy list of jokes, puns, and witty one-liners you can send over text.

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Funny Text Jokes

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Fish and ships!
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What do a tick and the Eiffel tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites. ^{[1]
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What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
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When does a joke become a dad joke? When it’s apparent. ^{[2]
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I’m going to fall!
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What did one snowman say to another? Wait, do you smell carrots?
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What did the hungry clock do? It went back 4 seconds.
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What’s the tallest building in the world? A library, of course. It has so many stories!
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Don’t take life too seriously. Remember, you will never get out of it alive!
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I know they say that money talks… ...But all mine says is “Goodbye!”
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I used to have a handle on life… ...But then it broke.
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I tried to catch fog the other day. But I mist.
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Let’s start telling people their brain is an app. Maybe then they’ll want to use it!
It’s literally impossible to put down!
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What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur? Thesaurus. ^{[3]
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Why can’t you trust a burrito? They tend to spill the beans.
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What’s a plant’s favorite drink? Root beer!
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I threw a boomerang a few years ago… ...And now I live in constant fear.
You wait here; I’ll go on ahead.
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I get enough exercise just pushing my luck! ^{[4]
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Blunt pencils are really pointless.
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6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down. ^{[5]
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Just burned 2,000 calories! That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. ^{[6]
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Because at this point, you know too much.
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Thanks for being my best friend. And for always going along with my worst ideas, of course!
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This may be cheesy… ...But you’re legen-dairy!
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What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.
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There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
A belly button!
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I know someone who does a great impression of an owl…
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I’m a nobody and nobody is perfect… ...Therefore, I must be perfect!
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Knock knock. Who’s there? Muffin. Muffin who? Muffin in this world can stop us!
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Knock knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben thinking about you all day!
Who’s there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, fine…W-H-O.
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Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.
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Are you a keyboard? Because you’re my type!
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On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9… ...And I’m the 1 you need!
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Roses are red, the world is a mess… ...And worst of all, you’re not answering my texts.
The second word of this text!
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We’ll we’ll we’ll… If it isn’t autocorrect.
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Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
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The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
It got a little tense.