There is nothing more frustrating than liking a guy and him not having a clue. If he isn’t noticing you, there are some steps you can take to help point him in the right direction. By being comfortable in your own skin, dropping a few hints, and giving him a gentle nudge, you will be well on your way to catching his interest. And why wouldn’t he be interested; you’re spectacular!
This article is based off an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed psychotherapist and award-winning author. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:
Showing Your Best Self
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Decide what you like about yourself . [1] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. This will help you to figure out what you want him to notice about you. Maybe you like how smart you are or you’re proud of the way your treat people or you appreciate your creativity. Figure out these things for yourself. You don’t have to wait for him to tell you that you’re awesome! Instead, you have a chance to share with him the wonderful things about you, whether he appreciates them or not. [2] X Research source- If you aren’t sure, try making a list of at least three things that you appreciate about yourself. It can include anything at all! If you are struggling, ask a good friend or family member to help you. Sometimes seeing yourself through the eyes of those who love you can be quite illuminating.
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Express yourself visually. Before he can see what’s on the inside, initially he can only see your outer appearance. Take advantage of this to express yourself and make a statement about who you are. This can be accomplished by developing your own sense of style. The way people dress says a lot about them. Someone in sweatpants has a very different demeanor than someone in a dress. You certainly don’t have to wear a dress unless you want to, but find a style that feels true to you. This way, even what’s on the outside will be able to tell him something about what’s on the inside. [3] X Research source
- If you don’t know where to start, look at the styles of other people around you and think about what they are communicating through what they wear. If you find someone wearing something that you like, make a mental note of it.
- To develop your own style, go to a few stores and start trying on clothes. Step outside of your comfort zone and try new styles. For feedback, you can bring along a friend. Once you try on a bunch of clothes, you should have a better idea of what works for you. You could even take pictures of your top three outfits. Make sure that you feel comfortable and confident and keep in mind what you are communicating.
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Take care of yourself . When you respect yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally, you will naturally be more attractive and vibrant. [4] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. This means eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and staying hydrated, but it also means monitoring negative thought patterns, validating your emotions, and surrounding yourself with people who bring out the best in you. When you take time to respect all aspects of yourself, you teach others to do the same and people will instinctively take notice of this. [5] X Research source- It can take a lifetime to truly master this, but don’t let that deter you. Aim for progress, not perfection. Start with one change you can make today.
- Maybe you usually eat junk food for dinner. You can easily replace this with a healthy salad and some grilled fish.
- If are very hard on yourself and you catch yourself being negative, replace this with a word of encouragement, such as “You did a great job writing your paper today.”
- Perhaps you have a friend who always seems to cause conflict and trouble. Try spending less time with this friend and more time with someone who treats people well.
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Be Confident . When you know your own worth, he will naturally take notice. [6] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. Take ownership of what you think and how you feel and don’t be afraid to communicate this. You’re the only one who can share this with the world and you have a worthwhile, unique perspective to contribute. If you have been afraid to share your thoughts and feelings in the past, start with something small. For example, if your friends ask where you want to eat and you would usually just say, “I don’t care. What sounds good to you?” try replacing that with something you want, such as, “Mexican food sounds great right now.” Practicing speaking up for yourself to develop confidence. This will allow you to share your true self with the guy you like. [7] X Research source- To cultivate confidence, spend time pursuing your interests and growing your talents. When you’re doing what you’re good at, you will feel more confident.
- Even if you’re not feeling particularly confident, you can fake it ’til you make it! Present yourself well by using confident body language. Stand tall with your shoulders back and make eye contact with people. You will instantly appear more confident regardless of how you feel.
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Find what makes you happy . This will help you to be well-balanced so that there isn’t too much riding on whether or not he notices you. Plus, when you are in your element, staying true to yourself and doing what you love, you are more likely to catch his attention anyway. [8] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. Maybe you love playing an instrument or excel at a sport. Pursue these passions so that you grow as a person. [9] X Research source- If you aren’t sure what makes you happy, pick an activity that interests you and give it a try. Don’t worry if you’re a complete beginner. Maybe you’ve thought that painting looks fun, but you haven’t had the chance to try it. Simply buy some paper, paint, and a paintbrush, and get going! Look for tips online or sign up for a class.
- Maybe you're happiest when you spend time with your friends. Being around loved ones and building strong relationships is a great way to improve your happiness. Make sure to invest time in the people you love.
- It can be very rewarding to give to people and help others. If you aren't sure what makes you happy, try volunteering somewhere. You could spend some time reading to seniors at a retirement home or spend time giving out food to the poor. When you see how you positively impact others, you will feel happy too.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:
Showing Interest
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Smile and make eye contact. This is the first step in forging a connection. It signals your interest and is sure to get his attention. Guys are much more likely to notice girls that show their interest in this way. To start, try to catch his glance and then maintain eye contact for a couple of seconds while smiling. This shows that you are friendly and available, and will make you much more approachable. Don’t be surprised if he strikes up a conversation with you. [10] X Research source
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Use social media. This is a great way to casually signal interest. Follow him on your social media accounts. You could even send him a casual message, like, "Hey, it was great seeing you at the game today.” People also often tell a lot about themselves over social media, so this is a good way to learn more about him. Knowing about his interests is a great way to strike up a conversation with him the next time you see him. [11] X Research source
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Pay attention to his likes and dislikes. This will help you to relate to him. Even if you don’t have much in common, you can probably find some common ground. If you don't know very much about him, simply ask him a question to find out more, such as, “How long have you been swimming for?” This shows your interest and starts a conversation with a subject that he is interested in. He is sure to enjoy and notice this. Most people like talking about themselves! [12] X Research source
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Go to a public event where you know he’ll be. This is a good way to “accidentally” run into him. Maybe he plays in a band each weekend, or maybe he has a sporting event every Wednesday. Grab a few of your friends and go to one of these. When he sees you there, he will be likely to notice you because you are sharing an activity.
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Give him a compliment . [13] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. Guys tend to like girls who like them. You don’t have to overdo it, but just tell him something that you like about him. [14] X Research source For example, if you are at his football game, you could go up to him afterwards and say something like, “You played great today! I enjoyed watching your game.” This will make him feel good and allow him to see that you appreciate him. It is also a good way to start a conversation with him. [15] X Research source- Go beyond his looks and try complimenting something unique about his personality. [16]
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Expert Source
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- Go beyond his looks and try complimenting something unique about his personality. [16]
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Expert Source
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
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Flirt . This will help him to notice you as more than just a friend. There are many ways to flirt, so choose the ways that feel natural to you. Try gently touching his arm while you are talking. Physical contact has been shown to be a powerful way to get someone’s attention. Just don’t overdo it. If you come on too strong, you might scare him off! [17] X Research source
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Laugh. Happy people tend to be more noticeable. They stand out. Show off your sense of humor and laugh at his jokes. This will allow you to show your beautiful smile as well. Try to make him laugh too. Use a goofy pun or tell him a silly joke. If he tells you that you’re a good listener, say something like, “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.” If he feels happy around you, he will surely take notice of that. [18] X Research sourceAdvertisement
Part 3
Part 3 of 3:
Reaching the Next Level
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Be honest. If you’re doing your best to allow him to notice you but he still isn’t getting the hint, you can always speed things up a bit and simply tell him how you feel. [19] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. If you’re not very comfortable confessing your feelings to him, you can do so more casually by saying something such as, “I’ve had so much fun hanging out with you lately. I really like spending time with you.” You can then see how he responds. Maybe he feels the same way, but wasn’t sure how to bring it up. [20] X Research source -
Ask him out. A girl can only wait so long! If he still isn’t noticing you, try making the move yourself. If you feel confident asking him out on a date, go for it! [21] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. If you’re not ready to formally ask him out, you could try something more easygoing by saying something like, “A few of my friends are going to see a movie this weekend. Would you like to join us?” This takes the pressure off, yet still allows a chance for you to spend more time with him. If he agrees to go, make the most of it and try to show your interest and get to know him better. [22] X Research source -
Be content whether he notices you or not. If you go through these steps and he still isn’t taking notice, it’s time to move on. There are plenty of other guys out there. Make sure you are content regardless of who notices you. Your happiness is your responsibility. When you are happy and confident, even if the guy you like doesn’t notice you, the right person will someday. [23] X Research source
- A good way to practice contentment is to count your blessings. It can be challenging when you don't get what you want, but you still have a lot of other great things and people in your life. Make the most of what you have right now instead of waiting for something in the future. Then when you finally do find the right person, you will be in the right frame of mind to enjoy it.
- If you are struggling with this, try making a list of all the great people and things in your life. Instead of dwelling on the one person who doesn't notice you, take notice of each person who cherishes you and spend time with them. They will help you get past your disappointment.
- Try to practice positive thinking instead of allowing negativity to cloud your mind. Replace thoughts like, "I feel awful that he doesn't like me. Why does this always happen to me? I'm never going to find someone!" with, "I have such an amazing friend who does notice me. I'm so fortunate for what I have. We always have a great time together." This will help you to appreciate what you have instead of dwelling on what you don't have.
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Tips
- Try to break the ice by casually initiating conversations with him.Thanks
- Be natural around him and don't be afraid to speak up to him.Thanks
- Spend more time with him so he will notice all of your blessings.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don't flirt with him if he is already taken.Thanks
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References
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/08/23/8-steps-to-like-yourself-more/
- ↑ http://theeverygirl.com/8-tips-to-help-you-find-your-personal-style
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7529/what-it-truly-means-to-be-healthy.html
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ http://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/13-easy-ways-to-boost-your-confidence.html
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lamisha-serfwalls/7-tips-to-find-yourself-when-youre-feeling-lost_b_7514516.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201305/how-get-guys-or-gals-attention
- ↑ https://www.wired.com/2016/08/how-teens-use-social-media/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2016/01/22/genuine-compliments_n_5617439.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ http://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/
- ↑ http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a4098/tips-for-being-funny-in-relationships/
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/02/effectively-communicating-feelings/
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
- ↑ http://www.hercampus.com/love/dating/how-ask-him-out-5-secrets-making-first-move
- ↑ http://livingontheedge.org/read-blog/blog/2014/06/13/the-secret-to-being-content
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