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Are you timid but you wish you could speak out more ? Do you often feel overlooked in groups and want to make your voice heard? Is your participation grade in class suffering because of your shyness? It's definitely not your fault that you were born a bit shyer than the average person, but it's something that you can overcome with effort. With a fresh mindset and a little bit of acting, you too can be confident and assertive when interacting with others .

1

Become self-aware.

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  1. Maybe you feel shy all the time. Or you might get nervous and quiet in large social situations. Knowing what causes your shyness will help you to get over it faster. Also, realize that shyness is not a personality—it's just an obstacle that stands in your way. [1]
    • Don't just focus on what you need to improve. Think about your strengths too. Maybe you are withdrawn, but you're also really good at observing people and understanding them.
    • You may also want to identify any specific areas that contribute to your shyness. For example, do you feel shy at informal or formal events? Does the age or status of the person you are speaking to influence your shyness?
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2

Work on your strengths.

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  1. This can boost your self-esteem and make you more confident. [2]
    • For example, if you know that you're good at observing and understanding people, pay attention and hone this skill. Really start trying to empathize with people. This may make it easier to strike up a conversation with someone new.
3

Don't expect perfection.

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  1. Don't let frustration impact your self-esteem. If left alone, this frustration can create insecurity and depression. Instead of focusing on areas you need to improve, acknowledge and appreciate what you are good at. [3]
    • Keep in mind that failure and self-consciousness are part of the learning process, so you are more likely to feel worse before you feel better.
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4

Improve your self-image.

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  1. It's easy to label yourself as shy and simply retreat from social interactions. Don't associate being shy with being an outcast, weird, or unusual. Instead, accept that you're unique. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. [4]
5

Use social media.

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  1. Use social media to get to know someone better. This isn't necessarily a replacement for social interaction. Instead, social media can help you feel more comfortable with the people you're interested in getting to know better. [5]
    • Try to find similar interests by sharing information about yourself. You may be surprised to find that people have similar interests or dislikes as you.
    • Steer clear of social media forums that focus on shyness because they tend to be a place where people ruminate on their shyness rather than seeking ways to overcome shyness.
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6

Do something you enjoy before a social interaction.

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  1. If you're anxious about going to a party or meeting, do something that you really enjoy right before the event. This can make you more curious and outgoing. [6]
    • Doing some form of aerobic exercise before a social event may also help to calm your nerves by burning of excess adrenaline.
7

Have a positive outlook.

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  1. This will also make you less critical of yourself and more accepting of others.
    • For example, if you start to feel shy or nervous around someone new, look at it as a positive sign that you should meet someone new. [7]
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8

Have a game plan.

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  1. You can make an effort to make eye contact during conversations. You can also do something that you've never done before (eg. changing your hairstyle). This will make you feel and become bolder over a period of time, although it may seem strange and frightening at first.
    • If you're having trouble coming up with a conversation starter, think of compliments you could give or questions you could ask. These will quickly get the other person talking.
9

Join a class or group.

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  1. These are great opportunities to have regular interactions with strangers that could become friends. [8]
    • Expect it to be awkward at first, but stick with it. Practice talking with people in the group every week. It will get easier and easier.
    • One great organization for overcoming shyness and gaining confidence as a public speaker is toastmasters.
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10

Don't be afraid to talk about yourself.

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  1. Allow yourself to be the interesting person that you are and don't be afraid to let others know what's been happening with you. [9]
    • Showing mutual interest in another person's life will also help spur a conversation on. With enough practice, a natural conversation will easily develop.
    • Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a conversation can be hard at first, but it will help you to create bonds with other people and it is a natural part of conversation.
11

Practice relaxation techniques.

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  1. Close your eyes and take deep breaths to clear your mind. Try to learn tips that will help you in social settings. [10]
    • For example, you could learn visualization techniques. Close your eyes and imagine being happy and confident in an imagined scenario. This can actually make you more confident, or at least relieve some of your fear.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 728 wikiHow readers who've experienced social anxiety, and 54% of them agreed that the best way to relax in social situations is by focusing on breathing. [Take Poll]
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12

Spend more time around people.

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  1. If you want to go from shy to confident, you first need to put yourself out there in order to meet people. Put yourself in social situations and practice speaking. [11]
    • Accept feeling awkward. Remember that becoming confident will take practice. Don't give up after one attempt at being bold. Repeated attempts will make it easier and easier to interact. [12]
13

Do something for others.

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  1. [13] Take some time to help someone you know who needs it. You don't have to do something epic.
    • Just spending time with a relative that's lonely or sharing dinner with a friend who needs help can empower you and make others feel better.
    • You can also show an interest in other people and ask them open ended questions to help take the pressure off of you during conversations. People usually love to talk about themselves, so this is a good conversation strategy and it will make them feel good about themselves.
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14

Adopt power poses.

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  1. [14] Make eye contact, hold your head high, and pull your shoulders back.
    • For example, sit in a chair and place your hands behind your head, lacing your fingers. Or stand with your legs slightly apart and place your hands on your waist. These are a couple of power poses. [15]
15

Practice slow talk.

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  1. Practice on your own by reading something out loud slowly and then extend this into your conversations with other people and any public speaking that you have to do. If you catch yourself speaking rapidly, then stop and take a deep breath before you continue.
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16

Be yourself.

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  1. Genuinely express yourself by being authentically you . Don't feel like you have to be the most outgoing, spontaneous person in the room. You can express yourself, even if it's in a way that is quiet and subdued. Stop worrying about what others think. Your self-esteem is the most important way to boost confidence.
    • Don't force yourself to be comfortable and confident in every situation. You may find that you can overcome cautiousness in certain social settings and not others. For example, you may favor small-group interaction, but really hate interacting at large clubs or parties. [16]
17

Seek help from a therapist.

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  1. Shyness is a common problem for many people, but in some cases it may begin to interfere with your daily life. If this happens, then you may need to seek the help of a therapist.
    • For example, if you avoid social events due to shyness, cannot effectively perform at school or work, or if you feel extremely anxious as a result of your shyness, then you may want to see a therapist for help.
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Expert Advice

To feel more confident when you're around others:

  • Breathe deeply.
  • Make eye contact when you're talking to people.
  • Smile.
  • Pay attention to your posture—stand tall with your shoulders back.
  • Think of conversation as a chance to connect, rather than a performance.
  • Be curious. Ask questions, listen actively to the person's answers, and comment on those answers.
  • Brush up on current affairs or practice telling interesting stories about yourself, like trips you've been on or books you've read.
Life & Career Coach

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I stop being shy and insecure?
    Annie Lin, MBA
    Life & Career Coach
    Annie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program.
    Life & Career Coach
    Expert Answer
    Try meditating each day to ground yourself. As you meditate, imagine you are a big tree, extending your roots down into the earth. This helps calm your nervous system, and it allows you to listen deeply to yourself.
  • Question
    How can I not to be shy when talking to a girl?
    Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
    Professional Counselor
    Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.
    Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Adjust your state of mind. Approach a girl as if she is a friend and someone you already know instead of someone to be nervous around.
  • Question
    Why would a person be shy?
    Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
    Professional Counselor
    Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.
    Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    There are many causes of shyness including negative relationship experiences, social anxiety, or low self-esteem.
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      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To go from shy to confident, practice interacting with strangers, even if it's a little awkward at first, so you can get better at starting conversations. Also, when conversing with others, act confident even if you don't feel that way at first since acting bolder will help you feel that way over time. When you do go out to a party or meeting, do something you enjoy right before the event, like listening to music or reading a book, to help you relax. Once you’re out, start small by making eye contact during conversations. To learn how to adopt power poses to make you feel more confident, keep reading!

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        Jun 11, 2017

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