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What's My Hate Language?

Take this quiz to see how you handle your anger.

Your love language is how you show your affection, so it makes sense that your hate language is how you show your frustration. What’s your hate language? Are you a cold-shoulder hater? A sneaky seeker of revenge? Or something else?

Answer these simple personality questions, and we’ll tell you your hate language and what it says about you.

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Questions Overview

1. Someone you thought was your best friend is having a party but didn't invite you on purpose. If you lashed out, what would you do?
  1. I show up to the party anyway to make them uncomfortable.
  2. I block them on everything and cut them out of my life. Bye!
  3. I plan my own, better party and invite all the same people.
  4. I call them out online and expose them for the two-faced person they are.
2. What does anger feel like?
  1. An icy chill that freezes me.
  2. A raging fire that hurts others around me.
  3. A strong wind that moves me against my will.
  4. A flood that dampens my senses.
3. What's the most hurtful thing someone could do to you?
  1. Ignore me.
  2. Call me names.
  3. Lie to me.
  4. Steal from me.
4. Someone cuts you in line by shoving you aside. How do you react?
  1. I shove them out of line. Two can play at that game.
  2. I complain to a manager. That won't fly with me.
  3. I tell them that they’re rude. Sometimes you just have to say what's on your mind.
  4. I breathe down their neck. They can cut, but they won't be comfortable.
  5. I let it slide. I have bigger problems.
5. What's your favorite way to blow off some steam?
  1. Venting to a friend, or to a journal.
  2. Working out and sweating off my frustration.
  3. Meditating and realigning with what matters.
  4. Distracting myself with fun things like video games.
6. What's the most important part of a relationship?
  1. Communication
  2. Trust
  3. Shared values
  4. Patience
7. What do you struggle with most in relationships?
  1. I struggle to say what's on my mind.
  2. I struggle to set boundaries and stick to them.
  3. I struggle to show physical affection.
  4. I struggle to remember important things, like big dates or their interests.
8. Would you say you easily get frustrated?
  1. Yeah. It doesn't take much to set me off.
  2. Sort of. I lose my cool now and then.
  3. Nope, nothing shakes me.
9. What's one thing you'll never tolerate?
  1. Someone insulting me.
  2. Someone physically hurting me.
  3. Someone manipulating me.
10. Do you agree with the mantra, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind?"
  1. Yes. The cycle has to stop somewhere.
  2. Sort of, but sometimes you just have to get even.
  3. No. If you can't ever fight back, you'll just get taken advantage of forever.
11. Someone steps on the back of your shoe and doesn't apologize. How do you respond?
  1. Step on their shoe. Now we're even.
  2. Give them a light shove away. Respect my personal space, man.
  3. Flag them down and demand an apology. They need to learn a lesson.
  4. Give them a mean look that'll haunt them for the rest of the day.
12. Your worst enemy invites you to their wedding. What do you do?
  1. Throw away the invitation. No, thank you.
  2. Show up and propose to my partner at their wedding.
  3. Rip up the invite and mail it back to send a message.
  4. Find their fiancé and tell them everything that's wrong with my enemy.
  5. Attend the wedding just to eat at the buffet. Hey, it's free food.

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Of course, criticism can be helpful when it's constructive and asked for. Next time you feel yourself getting frustrated with someone, say, \"Can I give you some feedback?\" Then, wrap your criticism in a compliment sandwich, like, \"I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I don't need your help right now, and it might just get in the way. But thank you for offering, that's very kind.\" That way, you can vent your anger in a helpful, polite way that's less likely to come off as rude.

For more info on controlling anger and hate, check out these resources:

What are the five hate languages?

What is a hate language?
Hate languages are the opposite of love languages. The idea is that when you dislike someone, you’ll act a certain kind of way toward them, and the way you act can be categorized into one of five behaviors.

What are the hate languages?

  • Criticism or words of discouragement: Saying negative things to bring someone down.
  • Neglect or alienation: Avoiding someone and cutting them off.
  • Selfishness or lack of recognition: Flaunting your own positives in front of them to make them feel bad, and ignoring their accomplishments.
  • Sabotage or injustice: Trying to ruin things for the other person.
  • Resentment: Letting your hate simmer and build without saying anything.

What is a love language?
A love language is how you show affection to people you like. It’s an idea created by Gary Chapman to help people understand why and how they think and act in their relationships.

What are the love languages?

  • Words of affirmation: Giving compliments or praise.
  • Quality time: Spending time with someone to bond.
  • Gifts: Giving someone presents to show them appreciation.
  • Acts of service: Doing someone favors to express your love.
  • Physical touch: Wanting to touch someone you love, like through hugs, caressing, or hand-holding.

Are love and hate languages real? Yes and no! Love and hate languages aren’t certified psychological practices, but that doesn’t make them fake. They’re all real things that people do, and understanding what they are can help you understand how you interact with others. But you don’t have just one love or hate language! People are complicated, and we all show our love and hate in many different ways depending on the situation.