How to Have Sex Without Your Parents Finding Out

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Secret places to do it with strict parents

Co-authored by Luke Smith, MFA

Last Updated: December 19, 2024 Fact Checked

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Doing It At Home

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Finding Other Places and Times

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Avoiding Getting Caught

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Having Safe & Healthy Sex

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Q&A

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Warnings

Taking your relationship to the next level can be pretty tricky when your parents are right down the hall. How are you supposed to get intimate without getting caught in the act? Don’t worry—sneaking around is pretty simple, as long as you have a plan in place. We’ll give you plenty of tips for having fun at home or away, as well as how to stay secret and safe while getting down with your partner.

How to Have Sex Without Getting Caught

Find a time when your parents are away for at least a few hours, like a date night or movie plans. Or, look for a secluded place to park and have sex in the car instead of the house. If you’re over 18 and can afford it, it may be worth it to book a hotel room for total privacy.

Section 1 of 4:

Doing It At Home

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1
Do it when your parents are away. Get a feel for your parents’ schedules, or wait for when they have plans away from home, and plan for a time when they’ll be gone for at least a few hours. ^{[1]
X
Research source} Make sure that there's a large enough window before you get too excited. Listen for talk of date nights, weekend events, and movie plans. These are usually good for about 3-5 hours of parental absence during which you can plot your own secret rendezvous.
- If they ever go out of town and leave you in charge, you’ve hit the jackpot.
2
Choose a discreet sex position. Some positions are louder than others, and might make the headboard bang against the wall, which is sure to give the game away if your parents are at home. Try having sex while standing up, or do it on the floor instead of the bed. ^{[2]
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- Missionary or sex while spooning are also pretty quiet positions, and don't require much movement.
- Or, try doing it in a chair, or even up against an outside-facing wall.
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3
Put on some music to cover up the noise. A decently loud speaker and some tunes can go a long way toward muffling the noise. ^{[3]
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Research source} That said, keep in mind that if you play your music too loud, or you play it when your parents are trying to get some peace and quiet, they may come to investigate.
- Test the waters by playing some music at other times, when you’re not having sex. This will also make it seem more normal and less out of place or suspicious.
4

Hit the shower. If your room has a bathroom, that’s probably the best place to get down, since it’s insulated from the rest of the house by your bedroom. If it has a shower, even better. Turn on the water and hop in, or just get busy right outside the tub. Just be sure not to let the water run for too long, or your parents might come to complain.
5
Keep your voices down, and avoid loud noises. You can’t expect to keep this under wraps when you make a clumsy ruckus every time. Explain to your partner why you need to keep quiet. After you learn to do your business swiftly and quietly, you may even be able to get away with it in a house full of people.
- Also, use a towel or pillow between the bed and the wall, or the bed posts and the floor, to cover up squeaking or banging.
Mutual masturbation , oral sex, and other non-penetrative sex acts tend to be much easier to hide. You may find many unexpected opportunities for a quick session when you wouldn't necessarily be able to go all-out. ^{[4]
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Section 2 of 4:

Finding Other Places and Times

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1
Go to your partner’s house if their parents are more open-minded. Your partner’s parents may have different views on sex and safety. If that’s the case, then this is probably the easiest option. Plus, it’s a good idea to have responsible adults around, since they can be a great resource for sexual health matters.
- If your parents won't let you go over to a partner's house, you may have to make up an excuse for where you were when you get home.
2
Do it in a car, if you or your partner have one. Having sex in a car is doable as long as you can find a secluded place to park. This option might be a bit cramped, but it certainly can be done. If you live in a rural area, try pulling over on a country road. Business parks are usually fairly deserted on weekends and after hours. You can also try to hide in plain sight with lots of other cars around in a big parking lot. ^{[5]
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- Avoid parking near buildings or businesses. Otherwise, make sure to look out for security cameras, and make sure to read any signs that indicate you're not supposed to be there. You don't want to draw the attention of police or security guards!
- Keep in mind that having sex in a car may still count as “public indecency” in many places, and is a serious crime. If possible, park in a private place owned by someone you know.
You might be able to arrange for some privacy at a social gathering or the house of someone whose parents are less uptight than yours. Your friend’s parents may be out of town, or they may have a vacation home situation that they’d let you use. It may not be super likely, but it’s totally worth looking into.
4
Venture into the outdoors. Remote natural settings like parks and forests are usually good places to get some alone time. Pack a picnic with food, drinks, and blankets, and hike around together in search of secluded spots. Make sure to pick a place that is safe and private. Or, go camping and get it on inside a tent!
- If you know of a good spot already, feel free to take your romantic liaison there. Perhaps there is a "make-out point" near your community; maybe you know about an old treehouse in the woods or a quiet place where no one goes.
- Make sure that your partner is up for roughing it. Not everyone is comfortable with the great outdoors. Make your intentions clear beforehand.
5
Get creative with other indoor spaces. Book a cheap motel room , if you can afford it. Take your partner to an unused or low-traffic room at school, at work, or at another community building, or use a private, lockable bathroom. Try to think outside the box, but remember to keep it lowkey.
- If you’re risking it someplace unfamiliar, try to get a read on that space beforehand. For example, keep an eye on that closet at work to see how often it’s used before you use it, yourself.

Section 3 of 4:

Avoiding Getting Caught

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Sex, and especially safe sex, leaves traces. Throw out any condoms or other protection you might use, and take out the trash. If possible, clean your sheets or clothing, if you got them dirty—otherwise your parent might find the evidence in the laundry. Open a window to air out the room or the car. If you used toys, wash them and keep them somewhere safe and secret. ^{[6]
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2
Agree on an alibi for every encounter. Do this even if you don’t think you will need it. As your parents leave the house for dinner and a movie, tell them you plan to spend your evening doing homework or watching TV. If you are going to a social gathering that your parents might not approve of, think of a more wholesome activity you could claim to be doing for the night, like a study group or a sleepover. Use your imagination, but be ready to back up any claims that you make.
- Be careful what you say. Your parents might know more than you think they do, and you don't want to give them any reason to be suspicious. Be aware that parents often talk to other parents.
- Make sure that your story matches the stories of other people who will supposedly be around. If you say that you're sleeping over at a friend's house, make sure that your parents won't ask your friend's parents about it, or that your friend's parents will cover for you.
3
Keep it just between the two of you. If you talk about your sex life to the wrong person, word could get back to your parents, or other adults. Secrets are best kept on a need-to-know basis—so be careful who you tell. This also means covering your tracks to avoid detection. Don’t leave your diary lying around, and don’t tell anyone who doesn’t have to know.
- That said, if you find yourself in an unexpected, tricky situation, such as a pregnancy or STI episode, it’s best to tell a trusted adult.
4
Always obey the law while getting it on. In the United States, the age of consent is 16-18, depending on the state. Make sure you and your partner are of age. Also, having sex in public is a serious offense in most places. If you are caught breaking these laws, you may be fined and/or sent to prison and legally labeled a sex offender. ^{[7]
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- Many teenage lovers have been branded sex offenders over the years. This label can follow you indefinitely; you have to register as a sex offender whenever you move to a new address, and you may not be allowed to live within a certain radius of a school. ^{[8]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Science Direct
  Online archive of peer-reviewed research on scientific, technical and medical topics
  Go to source}

Section 4 of 4:

Having Safe & Healthy Sex

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1
Understand the risks, like pregnancy and disease. Unprotected sex can lead to unwanted pregnancy , various sexually-transmitted infections , general health concerns, and psychological repercussions. Sex is great, but it's also a great responsibility: to your body, to your partner, to your family, and to your future. Read up on safe sex online to make sure that you're doing everything you can. ^{[9]
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- DO NOT go without protection for risk of your parents finding out. An unexpected pregnancy or STD is far harder to explain than a box of condoms or pack of pills. ^{[10]
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  Cleveland Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
2
Talk to your partner about if you’re ready for sex. Sex is fun, but it also comes with risks. Talk to your partner about sex before you have it. Discuss things like what it means to you, what’s most fun and comfortable, and how you’ll stay safe. If you're going to keep your parents from finding out, you need to communicate and be on the same page about everything.
- Be sure that you're doing this for the right reasons. Are you truly ready to have joyful, responsible sex, or are you responding to peer pressure and outside expectations?
- Find a discreet way to talk about these things. If your parents read your text messages, then you shouldn't discuss your plans over text. If you go to the same school, you can talk there. Consider agreeing on a "code" to refer to sexual things so that you can make plans more openly.
Emily Morse, Author & Sex Therapist

Open communication around sex is healthy. "We have no examples of people talking about sex in a healthy way. We have a lot of shame around it because, if sex does come up in a conversation, it's usually something negative."
3
Use protection, like condoms and birth control. It is best to combine methods if you want to prevent pregnancy as well as STDs. You can buy condoms at most drugstores, grocery stores, and convenience stores, as well as health clinics. Girls: ask your doctor about birth control pills and other long-term solutions if you're planning to be sexually active. It might be embarrassing to talk about this at first, but it's better to be safe than sorry! ^{[11]
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- Free condoms are available to the public at clinics and doctors' offices, the Department of Health and Social Services, and some schools—visit the school nurse. Stash them in your locker or any secure hiding place that is safe from prying eyes, and keep in mind that they can expire.
- "Pulling out" is not a sure way to prevent pregnancy. Even condoms are not 100% effective – but they are much safer than the alternative.
- An STD (sexually transmitted disease) could pose serious health risks, and it might haunt you throughout your life. Think about who you're having sex with, and think about who they in turn have had sex with. A huge part of sexual responsibility is communicating with your partner about sexual history. ^{[12]
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4
Visit a gynecologist to stay healthy. All sexually active females should see a gynecologist at least once a year for cancer tests, STD screenings, and birth control. Most young women do not have reasons to visit the gynecologist before becoming sexually active, so it might be hard to get your parents’ support without blowing your cover. However, this is an important part of safe sex, and it is well worth your while to set up an appointment. ^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
HealthyChildren.org
Health information from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
Go to source}
- If your parents don’t approve, just tell them there’s something wrong “down there” and that you think you should see a doctor. There are plenty of reasons other than sex to see a gynecologist.
- Or, ask another trusted adult to take you. Organizations like Planned Parenthood offer discreet and affordable sexual healthcare, even for teens.
5
Talk to an adult to get educated about sex. If you can't talk to your parents about sex, think about other adults in your life whom you're comfortable approaching with sensitive questions. Try talking to a doctor, a teacher, a trustworthy family member (brother, sister, aunt, uncle,) or a counselor. If you can't think of anyone, visit the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic and make an appointment to speak with a clinician. Sex is a big responsibility to take on alone, and it might be helpful to get advice from someone more experienced. ^{[14]
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- An older sibling can be a great person to talk to, depending on your relationship with them. They're experienced with sex, but they also understand where you're coming from. Consider their advice before moving forward.
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Consider telling your parents, especially if something goes wrong. They might be more helpful and understanding than you expect. By sneaking around and trying to have sex without your parents knowing, you will always be at risk of getting caught. Think about whether that's a chance you want to take. ^{[15]
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- Have a confident, mature conversation with your parents about your decision. If you can explain why you're ready to have sex, they might give you the space to make your own choice.
- Find out if your partner’s parents could handle the news. If so, talk to them. This kind of thing often goes much more smoothly if somebody’s parents know what is going on.

Community Q&A

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My boyfriend came to my house, and we had sex on the floor in my room. I told him to stop (because it hurt), but he didn't. How do I tell him to stop? It's hard because I love him and he is great sex.

HumanBeing

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Your boyfriend should stop if you tell him to stop. You need to be very clear about stopping him. Say, "Stop. I am not enjoying this" or, "No, stop, I want you to get off me". It feels like you are being bossy, but you have the right to stop him from hurting you.

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I want to have sex, but secretly, and don't want to get pregnant. Can my boyfriend wear two condoms to make extra sure I don't get pregnant?

KuroetheUnicorn

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Wearing two condoms is a very bad idea. The friction between the two can make them more likely to break or tear than wearing just one would.

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I'm a teenage girl and my cousin (same age as me) tried to force me into sex. He failed and I want to tell my mom but I know she'll take things too far. What can I do?

Community Answer

Tell your mother. It's never okay for anyone to try to force you into sex and your cousin needs to face the consequences.

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Warnings

Always ask your partner for permission to have sex. Consent is a must, and your partner can’t give consent if they’re under pressure, or not sober.

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Make sure you trust your partner, and they are who they say they are. Ask for an ID if you’re unsure. Some people aim to take advantage of teens who may want to experiment or gain sexual experience.

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How to Have Sex Without Your Parents Finding Out

How to Have Sex Without Getting Caught

Steps

Doing It At Home

Finding Other Places and Times

Avoiding Getting Caught

Having Safe & Healthy Sex

Community Q&A

Tips

Warnings

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