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Encourage them on the path toward recovery with this guide
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If someone you love, especially a romantic partner, is grappling with a pornography addiction, it can put you in a really tough spot. Try to understand that it doesn't reflect on their feelings for you. Having a pornography addiction often carries a lot of guilt and shame, so create a safe space for them to talk about it. If you want to help them, the best thing you can do is show them that you support them and that you're not judging them. Read on to learn more about this behavioral addiction and how you can help someone overcome it.
Things You Should Know
- Help someone addicted to pornography by making a plan for them to quit, talking to them about it, and holding them accountable for steps they make to quit.
- If someone has a pornography addiction, they compulsively view pornography, have no control over that behavior, and don't stop despite negative consequences.
- Signs of pornography addiction include a lack of control over watching porn, spending a lot of time watching porn, and an inability to stop watching porn.
Steps
Section 1 of 5:
How to Discuss a Porn Addiction
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Talk to the person privately about their pornography problem. Choose a private area where the two of you can talk without distractions. Let them know that you aren't criticizing or judging them and listen actively if they're willing to open up to you about it. [1] X Research source
- For example, you might say, "I've noticed that you spend a lot of time online looking at porn lately. There's nothing wrong with looking at porn, but it seems like you're a little off balance. Would you like to talk about it?"
- Tell the person that you care for them and you just want what's best for them. You might also mention that they should never feel too guilty or ashamed to talk to you about it.
- If the person adamantly refuses that they have a problem and doesn't believe they need to do anything about it, reassure them that you're there for them if they change their mind.
- Look for patterns and triggers for their behavior. Helping them to disrupt these patterns could possibly help them have a healthier relationship with porn, if not eliminate it completely from their life. [2] X Research source Keep in mind that the person might not be aware that they have a problem. If the person has already mentioned to you that they believe their pornography viewing is a problem, on the other hand, you can help them by gently pointing out these patterns.
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Make a plan to help the person cut back or stop viewing porn. Based on the person's viewing patterns, think of activities that would be a replacement for watching pornography. Include options for the person to taper off their viewing before they eliminate it from their life completely—quitting something cold turkey can be extremely difficult. [3] X Research source
- Include ways to limit the behavior in your plan as well. For example, you might look at blocking or filtering apps for their electronic devices.
- Accountability is important. Think about ways you can help them here—look at monitoring apps that will send you reports so you can evaluate their progress.
- You don't necessarily have to do this on your own! Talk to a therapist or counselor who specializes in sex or porn addiction and they can give you some tips.
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Share your plan with the person if they're open to it. If the person agrees with you that their pornography viewing is a problem and they want to cut back or quit, that's a great thing. They've taken the first step on the road to recovery, which is to admit that they have a problem. [4] X Research source
- Talk about the plan together. If there's anything they disagree with, ask them what they think might work better.
- If they don't think they have a problem or they aren't interested in your plan, don't push it. Just tell them that you're available any time they want to talk about it and leave it at that. Remember, you can't force someone to change if they're not ready to.
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Section 5 of 5:
Self-Care
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Set healthy boundaries with the person so you don't enable them. While you want to help the person, you also don't want to do anything that would enable their compulsive behavior to continue. Setting boundaries and enforcing those boundaries show that you love the person and are holding them accountable for their actions. This is especially important if the person refuses to admit that they have a problem and doesn't want to seek help. [23] X Research source
- For example, you might say, "I am installing filtering software and will no longer let you watch porn on our shared devices."
- Let the person know that you're not trying to control them or control their behavior by setting these boundaries, you're just trying to protect yourself.
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Take care of yourself while you support the person. You'll have a hard time providing someone emotional support if you're not looking after your own mental health at the same time. Loving someone who is struggling with a behavioral addiction can be a very draining thing, so make sure you're getting enough sleep and taking time to recharge. [24] X Research source
- Journaling about the process can help you come to terms with their addiction so that you don't feel guilty about it yourself.
- Exercise regularly to help manage the stress you might be feeling. [25] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- Don't be afraid to reach out to a therapist or counselor if you're having problems dealing with the person's addictive behavior.
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Tips
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Good rest is necessary for a clear mind and self-control. Sometimes it is easier to fall back into an addiction when you are exhausted.
- Never take a phone or tablet to bed with you at night to avoid temptation.
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References
- ↑ https://onlinegrad.pepperdine.edu/blog/behavioral-addiction-recovery-tips/
- ↑ https://onlinegrad.pepperdine.edu/blog/behavioral-addiction-recovery-tips/
- ↑ https://trafalgarresidence.com/blog/porn-addiction-recovery/
- ↑ https://trafalgarresidence.com/blog/porn-addiction-recovery/
- ↑ https://www.robertweissmsw.com/resources/filtering-and-accountability-softwares-for-use-in-sex-addiction-recovery/
- ↑ https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/
- ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/porn-addiction
- ↑ https://endsexualexploitation.org/articles/tips-to-overcome-pornography-use/
- ↑ https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27348560/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6352245/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6352245/
- ↑ https://trafalgarresidence.com/blog/porn-addiction-recovery/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6352245/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6352245/
- ↑ https://fherehab.com/learning/pornography-addiction-stats
- ↑ https://trafalgarresidence.com/blog/porn-addiction-signs/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6352245/
- ↑ https://fherehab.com/learning/pornography-addiction-stats
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2945841/
- ↑ https://trafalgarresidence.com/blog/porn-addiction-recovery/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6352245/
- ↑ https://onlinegrad.pepperdine.edu/blog/behavioral-addiction-recovery-tips/
- ↑ https://onlinegrad.pepperdine.edu/blog/behavioral-addiction-recovery-tips/
- ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1402378/
About This Article
Article Summary
X
Helping someone overcome a pornography addiction can be really difficult, but by offering emotional support and encouraging them to take up new, good habits, you’ll have a better chance of success. When you find out about the addiction, let the person know you’re there to help, since admitting to an addiction is a big step. You should also listen compassionately to how they talk about their problem, because you’ll only make it harder for them if you judge or try to shame them into action. A pornography addiction means the person is spending a lot of time alone online, so encourage them to get out and make new connections by inviting them to social gatherings or doing activities with them. Check in with the person regularly by text or email, since they’ll feel a greater responsibility to change their behavior if they feel accountable to someone else. For tips from our co-author on how to deal with a relapse by the addicted person, keep reading!
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