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If you're in the middle of an online romance, you might ask—will this last? Maybe you and your partner fell in love IRL, but now you’re forced to maintain a relationship online. Or maybe you two fell in love on the internet, and now you’re wondering if the magic will translate to an in-person meetup. We’re here to help you out by covering the challenges of online relationships so you can overcome all of them. Read on to click with your SO and score your happy ending!
This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Joshua Pompey. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
Section 1 of 4:
What are the odds that an online relationship will last?
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On average, online relationships last around 3 years. A German study tracked the longevity of online relationships and found that they typically last half as long as "proximal"—geographically close—relationships. Based on the research's statistics, a proximal relationship's average length is 7.3 years, while the average length of an online relationship is 2.9 years. [1] X Research source
- The study found that participants in online relationships were influenced by how "available" they felt their SO was. If their partner always felt “unavailable” to them, it was difficult for them to feel closely connected to this person.
- Whether couples fell in love IRL and continued the relationship online or only interacted over the internet, participants reported that they felt anxious without their partner’s physical presence.
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â of online romances end 3 months after couples unite or reunite. When they make the transition from virtual communication to physical connection, some challenges can arise. A study that recorded when online romances ended found that participants missed fun parts of their long distance dynamic, like the freedom of independence and the excitement of fantasies. [2] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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An online romance can last if both partners communicate well. The most promising way to make an online relationship work is honesty. If partners represent themselves accurately and express what they need in a relationship, they can look forward to a bright future.
- With enough time, effort, and communication, partners in online relationships can enjoy amazing outcomes, including a stable dynamic or long-term marriage. [3] X Research source
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Section 2 of 4:
What are the benefits of an online relationship?
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Couples involved in an online relationship focus on communication. Since social media and tech both offer so many ways to connect, people who connect online benefit from expressing themselves to their partners. For example, partners can regularly send affectionate text messages , which helps to reinforce their bond and boost their romantic satisfaction. [4] X Research source
- Talking online or through texts also supports "self-disclosure"—or unfiltered honesty—which helps couples feel a sense of trust and understanding
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Time apart and long talks promote deep connection instead of lust. Since an online relationship isn't just based attraction, couples are less likely to be overinvested in their physical intimacy. Through texts, emails, IMs, and video calls, couples can learn if there's more to their dynamic than fiery chemistry. [5] X Research source
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Online relationships help couples create fond memories together. Partners who don't have to wait to see each other might lose sight of how special it is to share a moment together. Couples who talk exclusively online or meet only once in a while, on the other hand, cherish the thought of spending time with each other. They also get the chance to plan fun dates and activities while they chat online.
- If they meet up regularly, couples in an online romance can turn dates into photo ops and take selfies they'll treasure.
- If their relationship is totally online, partners can plan and save up for an unforgettable getaway.
- SOs in an online dynamic might prioritize creating a dazzling romance when they see each other in person. When they're apart, their warm memories might be the "glue" that keeps them together.
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Section 3 of 4:
Why are long-distance relationships challenging?
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Online romances might encourage idealism instead of realism. Since many couples who date online don't know what it's like to be with each other on a daily basis, they might fill in the blanks with fantasies. They might expect their partner to be perfect and feel disappointed or underwhelmed when they meet up in person. [6] X Research source
- Studies also show that the longer SOs go without seeing each other, the more likely it is that they'll develop high standards or expectations that are hard to live up to.
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Couples dating online may struggle not seeing each other in person. If partners who date online have a strong attraction to each other, then video chats might not satisfy their desire for touch and physical intimacy. If they reunite and enjoy their experience together, then they may feel withdrawal from affection and find that a digital romance is tough to maintain. [7] X Research source
- If a person's love language is physical touch, an online romance may be a big challenge.
- Couples may really miss the chemistry that they discovered when they met up.
- Some individuals may also feel extremely lonely when they can't be affectionate.
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Section 4 of 4:
Ways to Make an Online Relationship Work
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Spend quality time discussing your common interests and values. Use your dynamic online as a rich opportunity to build a friendship and get to know each other better. Talk about your past experiences and your goals for the future. Also chat about the qualities you're seeking in a partner that help make a relationship sustainable for you. [8] X Research source
- Bring up questions related to your partner's personality. For example, ask, "What's more important, work ethic or patience?"
- Studies show that people who share similar philosophies and passions grow even closer over time, so exploring these topics online is a great way to see if you both have long-term compatibility.
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Embrace texts, IMs, or emails as a way to express emotional intimacy. While video chats are fun and romantic, try to mix up your communication style—every once in a while, use just text to describe yourself or your emotions. People tend to let their walls down when someone can't see or hear them, so a feeling of "anonymity" can create a sense of safety that encourages you to fully open up.
- Studies also show that couples who text each other often tackle subjects that are deeply meaningful or more taboo. These interactions can boost their feelings of trust. [9] X Research source
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Resolve conflicts with empathy and respect early in your relationship. While you enjoy your "honeymoon phase" , make the most of your strong desire to stay connected—talk about how to support one another during rough patches. When you troubleshoot your romance in advance and agree to handle challenges with kindness, you'll both experience plenty of security. [10] X Research source
- Address issues you both think might come up. For example, say, "I'll have a heavy workload next week, so I probably won't be able to text much. Let's schedule a video date so we can reconnect!"
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Share your needs for connection so you'll feel emotionally fulfilled. Set boundaries to honor your relationship and share what you want in your dynamic. Tell your partner what helps you thrive and experience a sense of balance. As a couple, open up about how to show affection using love languages and how you express love . When you speak from the heart, you'll both have a great shot at making your online romance long-lasting. [11] X Research source
- Discuss certain commitments, like monogamy, you both expect.
- Share a future, such as an engagement or marriage, you dream about.
- Talk about what helps you feel love. For example, maybe you adore praise.
- Agree to how you'll show care—your partner may need long video chats.
- Remember that your online romance can defy any odds and stand the test of time!
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can you tell if someone is an online romance scammer?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.A big red flag is when someone you've never met in real life starts asking for money. People with bad sob stories online as well as people who constantly need any kind of help are also red flags.
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you'd like to learn more about online relationships, check out our in-depth interview with John Keegan .
References
- ↑ https://edoc.hu-berlin.de/handle/18452/17023
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407506070472
- ↑ https://news.uchicago.edu/story/meeting-online-leads-happier-more-enduring-marriages
- ↑ https://sophia.stkate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1863&context=msw_papers
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/201401/distance-is-the-new-closeness
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407507072578
- ↑ https://behrend.psu.edu/student-life/student-services/personal-counseling/student-resources/long-distance-relationships
- ↑ https://opentextbc.ca/socialpsychology/chapter/close-relationships-liking-and-loving-over-the-long-term/
- ↑ https://socialmedialab.sites.stanford.edu/sites/g/files/sbiybj22976/files/media/file/jiang-jc-absence.pdf
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