If you’ve had two dates with someone and you’re hoping to go on a third, you may be wondering how much time should pass before you ask them out. While it’s tempting to sit around waiting to see what they do, you should know that if you like someone, there’s nothing wrong with making the first move. With that said, there are a few pros and cons to giving it some time depending on how your first two dates went. Want to know more about the nuances surrounding the third date? We’ve got you covered!
Steps
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If you’re just casually dating around, feel free to let things breathe. Give it space, continue texting or talking to them over the phone if you’ve been doing that and take it slow. If they ask you out in the next 5-10 days, you’ll know that the two of you are on the same page about casually exploring this. If they don’t, you can decide if you want to keep waiting or ask them out yourself in a super laid-back way. [3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- If the first two dates were kind of lukewarm, they may be waiting to see what you do first. If you are interested in continuing to date, don’t hesitate to speak up!
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Don’t assume they aren’t into you if a week passes. If your first two dates were a good time but they haven’t made a move after a week or so, they may just have a lot going on. It could be that they’re busy with work, or they’ve got stuff going on in their personal life. The fact that the dates went super well means a lot, so don’t worry. [4] X Research source
- This is especially likely to not be a big deal if you’re both on the older side. If you’ve got a career or you’re wrapping up college or graduate school, the third date may not be the most pressing thing right now.
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Yes, it’s kind of the point where you determine if there’s real chemistry. The first date is where many people just get to know one another, but there’s a lot of performing. The second date tends to be where people get a vibe for one another and answer important questions about one another. That third date is where most people figure out if the relationship is worth pursuing or not. A lot of people will put up with one or two so-so dates, but three? This is where you know if you’re in or not! [8] X Research source
- This isn’t to say that you should go out of your way to be anything other than what you are. Be yourself! You already got this far, so it’s safe to assume things are going well.
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Don’t put too much importance on date #3 if the first two went well. If dates one and two went super well (you were kissing, holding hands, etc.), you probably don’t need to worry all that much about the third date. Some couples hit it off right away and they just know they’ve got something. If you’re getting that vibe, trust your gut. [9] X Research source
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It’s up to you, but it’s kind of an outdated guideline these days. The three date rule refers to the adage that you should wait until the third date to have sex. Make your own decisions in this department. Don’t let anyone pressure you when you aren’t ready to have sex, and don’t force yourself to not do something you want to do just to satisfy some outdated adage. [10] X Research source
- Just to clarify, this is not the same thing as the “three day rule,” which refers to how long you should wait to text or call someone after you’ve met them (although that one is also outdated, too). [11] X Research source
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There does seem to be some benefit to holding off on sex, though. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing what you want with your body, there is some evidence that relationships are more likely to succeed when couples hold off on sex early on. Some studies suggest that couples are happier and more likely to stick together when they don’t get physically intimate after the first few dates, so rest easy if you want to wait. [12] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- How long you wait is entirely up to you. There’s no concrete “sweet spot.” You might wait for 5-10 dates to pass, or hold off for 1-3 months. It’s entirely up to you.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/5-ways-indirectly-ask-date
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-digitally/201806/why-do-we-flirt-text
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/attachment-and-adult-relationships.htm
- ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/ghosting-first-date-no-reply-rejection-silence-text-call-a8746326.html
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/some-reassuring-thoughts-about-needing-reassurance
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201803/is-it-better-ask-date-or-wait-be-asked
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201803/is-it-better-ask-date-or-wait-be-asked
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/blog/2018/12/the-third-date#1
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/yes-trust-gut-heres/
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