Introducing your child to a new partner is a decision that should not be taken lightly. However, if you feel that the time is right in your relationship to introduce your child to your new boyfriend, it is also very exciting because you now get to share the most important person in your life with somebody you care deeply for. The following steps will give you some guidance on how to make the introductions easy on you, your child and your boyfriend.
Steps
-
Make sure that you and your partner have a stable and happy relationship with potential for a future before making any introductions. Chopping and changing partners and introducing your child to every man you meet can be emotionally damaging and confusing to the child. Children are susceptible to forming bonds with people quickly and if the relationship is unstable and your partner leaves, your child will also suffer the loss. Be sure of your relationship before making any decisions.
-
Consider your child's age before you make any introductions. There is no harm in a baby (less than a year old) meeting your new boyfriend, because if the relationship ends, the chances of your baby remembering or forming a bond is less likely than those bonds formed with an older child. However, limit the amount of time your new boyfriend is around the baby if you are unsure of how the relationship is going to progress.Advertisement
-
Consider name dropping and voice mails. Before you introduce the child to the new man in your life, consider name dropping or voice calls. Mentioning your partner in conversation (depending on your child's age), will let the child know that you have a new friend who you spend time with. Also, if your child has started talking already, it might be a nice idea to allow them to speak on the phone occasionally so that your child will have some time to get used to this new person, if only on a vocal level to begin with.
-
Choose the venue for the introduction carefully. To make the introduction on the child easier, keep the venue neutral and in an area where the child feels at ease and happy. For example, if your child is being uncooperative at mealtime, bedtime or when you go to the store, it's best not to invite your new boyfriend over at these times. This is because again, depending on the child's age, they will associate the meeting of this new man with times they find distressing and may act up in the future when your new partner makes an appearance. However, if you go to the park or play ground, the child will be at ease, in a social environment where the meeting of people is somewhat the norm, making the introduction something that's associated with fun.
-
Introduce your boyfriend as your friend. When introducing the child to your partner, it's probably best to introduce him as a friend at the beginning. Most children don't understand relationships between consenting adults, particularly in the early years, so there is no need to complicate matters by explaining. If your child is older and does understand relations between adults, still consider calling him a friend while your child gets used to him being around.
-
Make the transition as easy as possible for your child. Try to keep things as simple as possible, particularly in the beginning. Limit physical contact between you and your boyfriend around the child and keep the nights he stays over to a minimum. Remember it may be the case that it has only been you and your child together for as long as he/she remembers and the new partner's involvement in both your lives can make the child feel insecure, especially if they think that their time with mommy or daddy is being compromised.
-
Help your boyfriend bond with your child by telling him about what your child likes and dislikes in advance. That way he can strike the conversation to a great start with something that interests your child.
- Inform your boyfriend about your child's interests and hobbies so that they can build a connection with your child. Example: If the child likes baseball, get some tickets and go see a minor league game.
Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Tips
- In terms of your new man, introductions can be just as stressful for him as it is for your child. He will obviously want to be liked by the child in your life. That's why choosing the correct and most importantly, relaxed venue is key to making this work. You can also reassure your new partner by telling him in advance (just in case), that it might take a while for your child to take to him but he has nothing to worry about.Thanks
- Don't try to create the 'model child' persona in front of your partner in order to impress him. You love your child as they are, and so should your new partner. 'Children', are just that; children. Mood swings, crankiness and being out of sorts goes without saying where a child is concerned and your partner will just have to understand this.Thanks
- Always keep the venue of the meeting light.Thanks
Advertisement
Reference
Warnings
- Don't forget to separate the time you spend with your partner and the time you spend with your child. The bond between you and your child should never ever be compromised by the existence of somebody else. 'Me and You Time' is very important during this transitional period in a child's life.Thanks
- If your partner shows any signs of aggression or makes any sort of derogatory remarks towards your child, you will have to reconsider the relationship for your child's sake. You want the sort of man who will influence your child in the right way, not the wrong way.Thanks
- Your child may not necessarily take to your new partner right away. This is completely understandable. You have known your partner (hopefully), for some time before you introduced him to your child and it may take some time for a bond to form between them both. Don't be alarmed if it doesn't work out the first few times. Persistence and patience is a virtue in this circumstance.Thanks
- Remember to include your child when your partner is around. A child will feel vulnerable if you ignore them just because this man is in your company. This will cause despise towards the man in question and may cause the child to act out when he is around, in order to get your attention.Thanks
- If your child starts 'acting up' for reasons that are unfounded, then you will have to be firm with them. Tell your child that you won't put up with bad behaviour around this person and explain that it is unacceptable.Thanks
Advertisement
About this article
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 181,625 times.
Advertisement
85%
of readers found this article helpful
.
Click a star to add your vote
% of people told us that this article helped them.
