Is Kissing Cheating? Plus, What Counts as Infidelity

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How to set boundaries with your partner and navigate cheating
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When it comes to kissing someone who isn't your partner, most people consider it cheating. But this all depends on your relationship and the boundaries you’ve set with your partner. In this article, we explain what types of kisses count as cheating and which ones don’t, explain what to do if your partner kisses someone else , talk about how to set boundaries in your relationship with the help of Licensed Clinical Social Worker Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, and Licensed Clinical Psychologist Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD, and more!

Is kissing considered cheating?

Most people consider kissing to be cheating, especially if it’s a romantic, steamy kiss or makeout session. But a small kiss goodbye or a light kiss on the cheek may not be considered cheating. At the end of the day, it all depends on your relationship and the boundaries you and your partner have set.

Section 1 of 6:

Is kissing cheating?

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  1. Yes, kissing someone else is usually considered cheating. If a person shares a romantic kiss with someone who’s not their romantic partner, especially if the kiss includes other physical touches or makes one or both people sexually aroused, that’s usually considered cheating. It can be both physical and emotional cheating, as well as a violation of trust, especially if the person doesn’t mention it to their partner. [1] However, it all depends on the boundaries the couple has set within their romantic relationship. [2]
    • A friendly, non-romantic kiss may not be counted as cheating. In some cultures, a kiss is as regular as a greeting. So for some people, the answer here is no. If you and your partner have discussed cheating and decided that it’s only reserved for explicit moments where someone does something romantic, then friendly kisses probably won’t be an issue.
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Section 2 of 6:

Is drunk kissing cheating?

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  1. Yes, a drunk kiss is usually also considered cheating. Even if a person’s state of mind is altered, if they’re having a romantic or physical interaction with someone who isn’t their partner, they’re being unfaithful. [3] A friendly, platonic kiss may not be considered cheating, though. It ultimately depends on the boundaries the couple has set for their relationship.
Section 3 of 6:

What else counts as cheating?

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  1. 1
    Having a sexual encounter with someone outside of your relationship. Consensually having sex with someone other than a person’s partner is absolutely cheating . Unless they’re in a polyamorous relationship, the general rule of thumb is that romantic kissing and anything further, like butt slaps, make outs, or full on sexual intercourse, is cheating. [4]
  2. 2
    Sending sexy or explicit pictures. The moment someone hits send on that risque photo to someone who isn’t their partner, it’s cheating. It’s easy to think, “But I didn’t actually sleep with them,” but there were still sexual photos sent to someone who isn’t a partner in the relationship, which most consider to be crossing the boundary of cheating in a relationship. [5]
    • Sending sexy and explicit messages also falls into this boat.
  3. 3
    Using dating apps. Making a dating profile and using it to swipe on attractive people is typically viewed as cheating. Even though it may seem safe since it’s online and not in-person, there’s still a connection that’s being formed with someone other than that person’s partner, so it counts as cheating. [6]
  4. 4
    Sneaking around with other people and lying about it. This one is more of a case-by-case thing, but generally, when someone is sneaking around with others and hiding it from their partner because they know their partner wouldn’t approve of their actions, it’s often considered cheating. It’s definitely cheating if the person someone is sneaking around with start building a romantic connection, as they’re emotionally betraying your partner. [7]
    • When someone is deliberately lying to their partner about who they’re with, it can break the trust between the two of them.
  5. 5
    Hiding your relationship from an attractive person. Being around an attractive person and deliberately avoiding telling them about their relationship status because they think they have a chance with them counts as cheating. It doesn’t matter if the line into sexual activity isn’t crossed—pretending like the relationship doesn’t exist in order to flirt or shoot their shot with an attractive person is cheating. [8]
  6. 6
    Flirting with others on social media. In many relationships, flirty comments on Instagram photos of hot people and suggestive DMs to people they may never meet in person are considered cheating. Although that physical boundary isn’t being crossed, there are still emotional boundaries that are being crossed. Whether it’s flooding an ex’s feed with likes and comments or constantly DM’ing OnlyFans models, flirting with others on social media is usually cheating. [9]
    • For example, if you’re looking through your partner’s phone and notice DMs flooded with heart-eye emojis, suggestive pictures, and language that’s typically reserved for the bedroom, they’re cheating. [10]
    • This type of cheating is often referred to as microcheating .
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Section 4 of 6:

What to Do if Your Partner Kissed Someone Else

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  1. Talk to your partner about the kiss and the state of your relationship. Depending on the boundaries you have in your relationship, your partner kissing another person can feel like the end of the world. To determine where the relationship will go from here, sit down and have an honest, heartfelt conversation about how it made you feel. Make sure to ask about their reasons behind the kiss, too. Then, discuss your boundaries and see if your partner will abide by them. If they don’t, then you may want to break things off. [11]
    • For example, you can approach your partner and say, “When you kissed that person in the hall, it made me really upset. Can we talk about where to go from here?”
    • If your partner doesn’t know that you know about the kiss, ask if you two can talk. When you’re both calm, initiate the conversation by saying, “I know you kissed someone else, and it was really upsetting. Can we talk about where things go from here?”
    • When you initiate the conversation, try not to put any of your feelings onto them by saying things like “You made me feel this way.” Instead, use “I” statements and express your feelings without putting any blame on them. For example, “I felt betrayed.”
    • Avoid making rash decisions to get revenge or hurt your partner. While it may feel like the best option at the time, it can cause further issues in your relationship.
Section 5 of 6:

Can a relationship survive if they kissed someone else?

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  1. 1
    If the kiss was a one-time thing that they regret, the relationship may survive. When your partner reveals that they kissed someone once and immediately regretted it, it’s normal for you to be upset and to want time to process things. Once you process things, you may find yourself feeling like it’s something you can work through. In that case, the relationship is salvageable, it just depends on whether you’re willing to forgive them and set boundaries in the relationship. [12]
    • If your partner is genuinely sorry and wishes to work things out with you, you may want to hear them out and discuss the situation if you also want to save the relationship.
  2. 2
    If they’re constantly kissing other people, the relationship may not survive. Now, a friendly kiss goodbye to friends probably won’t implode the relationship, but if your partner kisses other people romantically and betrays your trust, it may be time to end things. If they’re willing to betray your trust and kiss other people when you’re not around, it’s often an indicator that they’re willing to go beyond that, too.
    • You may be able to keep things together if both of you can sit down and have an honest conversation about why things are rocky. But you must both be willing to work through these hard times and commit to each other.
    • It’s okay if the relationship has run its course. Not all relationships last forever, and even if you’re hurting right now, you’ll likely come out stronger on the other side.
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Section 6 of 6:

How to Set Boundaries with Your Partner

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  1. Sit down and talk about what you do and don’t accept. Bilek says to have a conversation about boundaries when you’re both calm and not stressed, tired, or hungry. Once you’ve made sure both parties are calm and in the right headspace, then have a conversation about your dos and don’ts in a relationship.
    • Say something like “I want to talk about some of my boundaries, and also want to be respectful of what you’re comfortable with. Can we have a conversation about our boundaries in a relationship?”
    • According to Tovar, setting boundaries means being very clear about what kinds of behavior you will and won’t accept.
    • Bilek says boundaries look different for everyone, as everyone has different needs and things they’re comfortable with. One couple may view watching porn as crossing a boundary, while another may be okay with that.
    • Discuss what you consider to be cheating or crossing a boundary, such as sending suggestive DMs to people who aren’t your partner, flirting with other people, using dating apps, sending sexts or nudes, and kissing or other physical contact.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://affairimprover.com/relationship-intimacy/is-kissing-cheating/
      2. ↑ https://www.elle.com.au/culture/news/what-counts-as-cheating-kiss-and-tell-column-24821/
      3. ↑ https://blog.illicitencounters.com/2023/11/20/can-a-relationship-survive-a-drunken-kiss/#Is_a_Drunken_Kiss_Significant
      4. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/types-of-cheating-in-relationship/
      5. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/types-of-cheating-in-relationship/
      6. ↑ https://www.romper.com/life/is-kissing-cheating
      7. ↑ https://www.romper.com/life/is-kissing-cheating
      8. ↑ https://www.romper.com/life/is-kissing-cheating
      9. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/types-of-cheating-in-relationship/
      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-common-is-cheating-infidelity-really
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201802/your-partner-cheated-now-what
      3. ↑ https://affairimprover.com/relationship-intimacy/is-kissing-cheating/

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