How to Juggle a Girlfriend and Video Gaming

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: June 28, 2024

Are you tired of being nagged by your girlfriend when you're trying to play video games? Don't despair, there are plenty of ways to get your girlfriend to accept your "addiction". Maybe you can even get her to embrace it!

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Try the procedure outlined in How to Get Your Girlfriend to Play Video Games . You might end up fighting over who gets to play their favorite video game, but that's a much better problem to have than arguing over not spending enough time together.
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This could be a new hobby that she's always wanted to try, or regular meet-ups with her friends. That way, she has something fulfilling to do, while you play video games. Stay away from hobbies like dancing though - she might just sucker you into joining her!

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If she loves to read, maybe she can submerge herself in her favorite book while you indulge in your video games. There are also activities like knitting, crochet , and painting that will keep her busy, but you can still feel like you're spending some time together by being in the same room. Be encouraging with whatever she chooses - after you finish your game, ask her how her book/knitting/painting is going. Another idea is to have a second TV in the room that she can watch while you play.
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If all you want to do is play video games, even if it means spending little or no time with her, that's not enough for most girls, and your relationship might be on thin ice. If you give her enough attention and reassurance when you're not playing video games, however, she might not feel the need to fight to regain the time you devote to video games.
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Relationships benefit from honesty and inclusion. Talk with your girlfriend about why playing video games is important to you. If you play online games with your friends, explain that this is your way of connecting and sharing an interest with your friends. If you play games on your own, this is your way of relaxing and enjoying yourself, just as she has her relaxation time doing things she enjoys. It's okay to have different interests.
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Plan when you can spend time apart, that works well for both of you. For example, if she goes to Yoga on Monday and Thursday nights, this would be an ideal time for you to plan ahead and arrange game-time by yourself or with friends.
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Be sure to include time doing something together in your plan, so that you can both look forward to times when you can connect with each other. When you've agreed times to spend together, you can both be much more present together, knowing that any self-relaxation time is already catered for.
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Sticking to these boundaries will help you both achieve regular time apart doing what you enjoy. Compromise is also important in any relationship, so make sure that you're not asking for what you both agree may be too much game-time. Honoring the agreement shows respect for the relationship, and for your girlfriend.

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Question

My boyfriend spends too much time on video games, how do I address this with him?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Dealing with a boyfriend who plays video games excessively requires open communication and finding a balance that works for both partners. It's crucial to express your feelings and needs to your partner without blaming or criticizing them. Start by initiating a conversation and sharing your concerns in a calm and respectful manner. Let your boyfriend know how his gaming habits make you feel and discuss the impact it has on your relationship. Listen to your boyfriend's perspective and try to understand why he enjoys playing video games. Finding common ground and compromise is key. Suggest setting boundaries or limits on gaming time that both of you can agree on. This can help ensure that quality time together is prioritized and that neither partner feels neglected. If your boyfriend's gaming habits are causing strain in the relationship, seek professional help or counseling to address underlying issues and improve communication. Remember that a healthy relationship requires mutual understanding, compromise, and respect for each other's needs and interests.

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What if my girlfriend is a gamer?

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Play video games with her. If you are a lot better than her, let her win sometimes.

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Remember, good hygiene and daily exercise are part of maintaining a girlfriend too. Make sure you haven't dropped your character from when you've first started dating.

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Don't constantly discuss gaming. Your GF might not like you gaming all the time, but she'll like your talking about it when you're not gaming even less. Reminding her how much you enjoy gaming when you're not might make her feel like you're not enjoying your time with her.

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Try to say something like "I love you" (along with a nice, affectionate hug) before she goes anywhere that she may encounter other women. This will ensure she leaves with a smile, and the claws don't come out when she starts complaining about you to all her friends.

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