How to Know That He Is Not the One

Co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP

Last Updated: August 20, 2021

If you want to know whether or not your man is the one, then the best thing you can do is listen to your gut. However, sometimes that feeling in your gut isn’t enough, and you need to look for more of the signs that tell you whether you should hit the road or walk down the aisle. At the end of the day, no one can make this decision but you.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Seeing How You Feel

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1
Know he’s not the one if you can’t embrace his flaws. Many people have this idea of “the one” as being this perfect, god-like person who will solve all of your problems and make every day of your life a fairy tale. However, the real way to know if you’re with “the one” is to see that you’re with a person you love whose flaws you are able to accept. If you’re able to deal with the loud belching, the bad taste in music, or the messiness of the man you’re with instead of cringing every time he does something you deem imperfect, then he’s the one.
- This doesn’t mean that you can’t talk about having him change some of his flaws, like learning to clean up better. But if he’s not the one, then you probably can’t stand his imperfections.
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2
Know he’s not the one if you don’t get excited to see him. If you’re with the one, it doesn’t mean you’ll be feeling butterflies 24/7, contrary to what you may think. However, if he’s really not the one for you, then you won’t feel a thing when you get ready to meet him or come home to him. You should feel a sense of excitement and expectation when you’re about to see him or spend time with him if he’s the one.
- If by the third date, you don't feel like you have chemistry, that's a good sign to move on. ^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Chris Willatt
  House Cleaning Professional
  
  Expert Interview. 1 July 2019.}
- If you don’t feel any kind of joy about seeing him, then you may be looking at him more as a friend, or may just have gotten bored with him.
- The next time you get ready to see him, ask yourself how excited you are. Does your heart race a little? Have you been looking forward to it all day? You don’t have to be over-the-moon happy every single time you hang out, but it should be something you look forward to for sure.
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3
Know he’s not the one if you can’t see a future with him in it. If he’s the one, then you should already be thinking about living the rest of your life with him, whether this means getting married, having kids, and all the traditional things, or if it means being life partners and exploring life together. If you look forward a few years, or even think about what you’ll be doing next summer, and can’t imagine him being by your side, then you know he’s not the one.
- Another sign that he’s not the one is that he’s never mentioned a future with you in it. If he gets nervous or changes the subject every time you bring up the future, then it’s a sign that he’s not serious about you.
- Try to imagine your life in ten years, as crazy as that may sound. Does it seem impossible to picture him by your side, or not by your side? If you absolutely can’t see it, then he’s not the one.
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4
Know he’s not the one if you don’t feel comfortable around him. If he’s the one, then you should feel like you’re able to be yourself around him, instead of having to dress up or fit a certain role in his life. You should be able to look like yourself, talk like yourself, and express your views without worrying that you’ll upset or disappoint him. Though you can feel a little bit nervous just because you like him, you know he’s not the one if you’re constantly stressed out, anxious, or worrying about how he feels about you.
- If you’re constantly worried that something you say will upset him or set him off, then he’s not the one.
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5
Know he’s not the one if you can’t be honest with him. If he’s the one, then you should feel comfortable telling him the truth, whether this means where you’ve been or what your worries about the relationship are. You shouldn’t feel like every little thing you tell him will make him angry, jealous, moody, or just reserved. If he really cares for you, then you should feel like you can tell him anything without making you feel afraid or anxious. If he makes you feel scared every time you want to tell him what’s really on your mind, then he’s not the one.
- If you feel like you have to lie to protect him or to keep him from getting angry, then he’s not the one.
- If you feel like you can open up to him about your doubts and that he will listen and take you seriously, then he may be the one.
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6
Know that in the end, only you can know whether or not he’s the one. You can sit down with your best friends and family members and you can go down a million checklists about whether or not he’s the one, but in the end, you’re the only person who can figure this one out. It can be helpful to turn to sources like wikiHow for advice, but at the end of the day, you’ll be the only person to know if the guy is not the one, no matter what anyone else says.
- Remember that what is perfect for your best friend or favorite aunt may not be great for you; people can help you, but they can’t make the decision for you because you’re different people with different needs.
- However, one sign that he may not be the one is that you’re on this page. If you’re already having your doubts about whether or not he’s the one, then you may have a problem.
- As corny as it sounds, you’ll know whether or not he’s the one in your gut. It’s an intuitive feeling that you sometimes can’t explain. There may be a chance that you already know he’s wrong for you in your gut, but are looking for confirmation.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Is He the One?

You look over at your man and think: ''is our love temporary, or is he the one?'' Will this be the guy you share your life with—or just another boyfriend? The truth is, you’ve probably collected all the clues you need already. If you look closely at your relationship, the answer might be clearer than you’d think. Ready to find out if you’re dating your soulmate? Take this quiz!

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