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If you're worried you come across as irritating, here's how to fix it
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Do you ever feel like people are looking at you strangely? Or that maybe your best friend doesn’t invite you to do things as often as they used to? You might be wondering whether people find you irritating. We’re here to help you examine your situation and behavior with some social cues that suggest people may be irritated, what you might be doing wrong, and how to fix it.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
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1They avoid spending time with you. Often, the most obvious sign is when people avoid you. [1] X Research source They might go out of their way to not talk to you, turn down invitations, claim they’re busy, or have lots of excuses as to why they can’t hang out. It may be because they’re uncomfortable interacting with you.
- Keep in mind that everyone has their own preferences. If one person avoids you but others don’t, you just might not click with them, and that’s okay!
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2They roll their eyes, frown, or look uncomfortable when you're speaking. Sometimes, people can’t help showing their emotions on their face, so observe other people’s expressions to help figure out if they are irritated. [2] X Research source If they appear relaxed and smiling, they are probably not annoyed. Some signs of irritation include: [3] X Research source
- Frowning
- Rolling their eyes
- Raising their eyebrows
- Holding their mouth closed or tight
- Squinting or pushing their brows together
- Pushing their lower jaw forward
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3They have disengaged body language when you're around. In addition to watching facial expressions, pay attention to body language . Most people will subconsciously give signals that they are uncomfortable or irritated. Be on the lookout for: [4] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- Lack of eye contact, or looking away
- Neck rubbing
- Face rubbing
- Looking at the door or a clock
- Feet pointed away
- Crossed arms
- Fidgeting
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4They avoid talking to you in social settings. When someone finds you annoying, they might clam up or become stiff in conversation. [5] X Research source It could be that they don’t enjoy talking to you for some reason, and so they aren’t engaging.
- Ask yourself if you listen actively to other people, or tend to interrupt them a lot.
- Also ask yourself if you tend to dominate conversations, or always steer them onto the subject of yourself or things you like, rather than what other people like.
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5They put less effort into being friends with you than they used to. If you’re wondering if you are irritating someone in particular, step back and take an objective look at your relationship. Has it changed recently? The other person might be upset with you for reasons they can’t or won’t say. [6] X Research source Remember, when in doubt, ask!
- Has your co-worker stopped chatting with you over your morning coffee? Consider asking them if everything is okay.
- If your best friend no longer invites you over for movie night, ask what is going on.
- Do people abruptly leave or end conversations when you come by?
- When you start talking, do people try to end the conversation as quickly as possible?
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6They're excessively nice to you. Some people shut down or avoid you if they think you’re annoying, but other people turn up the personality dial to 11. Sometimes, it’s because they feel sorry for the annoying person. Other times, they might be trying to overwhelm or annoy you, so that you end up avoiding them. [7] X Research source
- Are they always smiling and laughing with you, so much that it seems excessive?
- Do they go far out of their way to do you favors?
- Do they tend to flatter you so much it makes you uncomfortable?
- Be careful not to confuse this with someone being genuinely nice! If they’re generally also nice to other people, they’re probably just a kind person.
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7If you don't understand how someone feels, ask. Most things can be solved with a little communication . It's okay to ask for clarification if you can't figure out what someone is thinking or feeling. If you're uncertain, state what you notice, then politely ask what it means. Here are some examples: [8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- "I've noticed you're checking the time a lot. Do you need to go?"
- "You seem fidgety. Is something bothering you?"
- "You look uncomfortable. Should we change the subject?"
- "Have I upset you somehow?"
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8Give others the benefit of the doubt. It is possible the other person has something else happening in their life. Maybe your sister just hasn't had much time for you lately. It's natural to assume that it has something to do with you, but it might not! Remember that everyone has their ups and downs, and the person might just be stressed about work or school. [9] X Research source
- Also, everyone has their own habits and behaviors. You might be mistaking irritation for someone’s plain, baseline personality.
- Still curious if people find you annoying? Take our Am I Annoying Quiz to find out how you come across to others.
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Section 2 of 3:
Qualities that People Tend to Find Irritating
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1Letting other people do all the work. Start by looking at how you interact with others. Take a look at your work ethic and habits and ask yourself if you tend to try to enlist others to do your work for you, or dodge other responsibilities. If so, it’s pretty likely that people find this irritating. [10] X Research source
- Think about if you regularly ask coworkers to help out with your projects. If your answer is a yes, they might be irritated.
- Maybe you realize that you often try to get out of doing your fair share of work during group projects at school. Your classmates are probably tired of this behavior.
- Maybe your job at home is to take out the trash. If you constantly beg your sister to do it for you, she might be annoyed.
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2Making a lot of noise while talking or hanging out. You might have never considered whether or not you are loud. Now is the time to start paying attention. Throughout the day, take note of situations where you might be making too much noise for others. Spend a week keeping a log of situations where you are potentially being too loud. Some common examples of being irritatingly loud include: [11] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
- Being a noisy neighbor by playing your music too loudly.
- Talking during movies when you go to the theater or when you’re watching Netflix with a friend.
- Talking over people in social situations.
- Talking while others are talking in meetings or in class.
- Talking on a cell phone in public places.
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3Having a strong, unpleasant body odor. Smells can be very aggravating for people, and that goes for both good and bad odors. This includes body odor, bad breath, and strong perfumes or colognes. People may try to avoid you if they don’t like these smells. [12] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- Do you wear a lot of perfume, cologne, body spray, or body lotion?
- Do you eat a lot of strong-smelling foods?
- Do you shower or bathe often?
- Do you wear deodorant and/or other personal care products?
- Do you change your clothes daily?
- Do you wash your laundry before re-wearing it?
- Do your pets have an opportunity to soil your clothes before you wear them out?
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4Being overly negative or critical. If you regularly say negative things, it can really start to wear on the people around you. You might tend to criticize other people, even when they don’t want the input. [13] X Research source Before you complain or talk down to someone, ask yourself if this is a pattern for you.
- Complaining can sometimes help you deal with your feelings, but only in moderation. If you spend a lot of time complaining, people may not enjoy the conversation very much.
- You might be irritating if you constantly say, "Yes, but..." For example, if a co-worker makes a suggestion and you say, "Yes, but the client would hate that," that can make them feel their ideas aren't appreciated.
- It's also negative if you can't take a compliment . For instance, if someone compliments you, don't say, "Thanks for complimenting my cooking, but the chicken was really too dry and the sauce was bland!"
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5Speaking inappropriately or vulgarly. How you speak and what you say can irritate the people around you. Talking too fast or about inappropriate topics can be off-putting to people. Additionally, frequently using slang, street talk, or profanity can bother people. Watch for the following irritating behaviors: [14] X Research source
- Using the word "like" inappropriately too often.
- Using text speak.
- Ending statements so that they sound like a question.
- Using "you" instead of "we."
- Correcting others.
- Excessively using the phrase "you know."
- Constantly talking about yourself.
- Giving unsolicited advice.
- Speaking in run-on sentences.
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6Having bad manners in general. If you regularly forget your manners, there's a good chance that people find this annoying. You don't have to go out of your way to be overly polite, but you should definitely make an effort to use basic courtesy . [15] X Research source Start by always remembering to say please and thank you.
- Use your inside voice, even when you're upset. Don't raise your voice during disagreements.
- Greet people. For example, if you sit down next to a classmate at lunch, say, "Hi, Sue. How's your day going?"
- Avoid interrupting people when they are in the middle of a conversation. If you do interrupt, say "I'm sorry. I realize I interrupted. What were you saying?"
- Keep a respectful distance from people you don’t know well, and respect their boundaries about personal space.
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7Ask someone you trust for feedback. One of the simplest ways to know if you are irritating is to simply ask. If you feel like your relationship with someone is strained, let them know that you’ve noticed. You might say to your best friend, “I’ve noticed we haven’t spent much time together lately. Have I done something to annoy you?” [16] X Research source
- To a coworker, say, “Do you think it bothers people when I eat tuna in the break room?”
- If someone gives you helpful feedback, thank them and work to make any necessary changes.
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Section 3 of 3:
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1Take time to self-reflect each day. Self-reflection means taking a close look at yourself. Make it a habit to sit and think about your day. Consider your actions and the reactions of others. You’ll start to have a better understanding of yourself. [17] X Research source
- Set aside 20 minutes a day to reflect. You could write in a journal or think while you take a walk.
- Think about what kinds of interactions you had that day. If they were positive, note what worked. If they weren't so great, try to think of ways you could make things go more smoothly the next time.
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2Practice turning negative thoughts into positive thoughts. If you find that you regularly irritate others, you might want to work on changing parts of your behavior. Start by thinking more positively . If your thoughts are positive, you are more likely to behave in an optimistic and approachable way. [18] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- Every evening, think of 3 good things that happened today. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can help you feel better and share these good feelings with others.
- If you worry someone doesn’t like you, ask yourself if there’s something else that might be going on with them, or if it has anything to do with you.
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3Surround yourself with positive people. If someone is irritated with you, it’s not necessarily your fault. The two of you just might not click. That’s okay! Work on being around people who are positive, and who enjoy spending time with you. [19] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- If someone doesn’t want to sit with you at lunch, try not to spend too much time worrying about it. Instead, join another group.
- If a friend regularly criticizes you, start spending time around your other friends. Try to be around people with positive attitudes.
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4Enlist the help of someone who can help when you overstep. If you have trusted friends or coworkers who can signal you when the irritating behavior begins, you can more actively break bad habits. Ask your closest friends or relatives to help you spot this behavior, and practice listening when other people offer you feedback. [20] X Research source
- You might say something like, "I've noticed that people at parties don't hang around with me, so I'm trying to fix my speech habits. Will you help me spot my bad habits?"
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5Be polite towards others. Rude or thoughtless behavior is one of the most common causes for annoyance. Try to always use good manners so that you don’t upset someone. Don’t interrupt, always say please and thank you, and greet people in a friendly way. [21] X Research source You can also be polite by respecting other people's personal space.
- Be attentive to others. Show that you are listening by maintaining eye contact (or looking at them) and asking questions when appropriate.
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6Take time to listen to other people's ideas. Maybe you've been asked to talk less during meetings. It's probably not because your ideas aren't valid, it's just that you might be monopolizing the conversation. Don't worry, you can correct the problem. Make an effort to listen more than you talk. [22] X Research source For example, in a 10-minute conversation, you shouldn't be doing more than 5 minutes of the talking.
- Make sure that you only talk when you have something of value to add to the conversation. For example, if your friends are talking about how much they love yoga, you don't need to interrupt to say, "But really, spinning is so much better!"
- Don't feel a constant need to talk. For example, if the person next to you on the bus is reading a book, you don't have to pepper them with questions like, "What's that about? Is it good? Why is that picture on the cover?"
- While it's okay to be friendly, it's also good to notice whether people are receptive. Sometimes, they need quiet time and would prefer to be left alone.
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7Validate people’s feelings and practice empathy. Pay attention when they talk about how they feel, and take their emotions seriously. People deeply appreciate people who make them feel heard and understood. Making a habit of validating people's feelings can go a long way to helping them feel comfortable around you, and helping them enjoy spending time with you.
- For example, if someone shares a frustrating story, say, “That’s so aggravating! How are you handling it? It looks like you’re handling it well, to me.”
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8Talk less about yourself. It can be really irritating if someone is constantly talking about themselves. If you've realized that you’re guilty of this, explore some ways to correct the problem. For example, ask other people questions about themselves. [23] X Research source If you're talking about how much you loved a certain TV show, take time to ask the other person what their favorite show is, too.
- If you notice you've been talking about yourself a lot, pause and ask a question about the other person, such as "So how has your day been?"
- When someone is telling a story, try not to always jump in and say, "I had the same thing happen to me!" It's okay to empathize, but it's also okay to let other people steer the conversation.
- Notice whether the other person is asking questions. A person who is genuinely interested might prompt you to keep talking about yourself, in which case, keep doing so until the subject naturally changes.
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9Take a class on etiquette, communicating effectively, or speech. Learning basic social etiquette can help you better identify the behaviors you need to work on and what you can do instead. You will be able to practice communicating well in a positive environment with other students who are trying to improve. [24] X Research source
- Look online for classes, seminars, or workshops in your area.
- You may be able to take a class at your school.
- Check with local therapists to see if they offer group workshops.
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10Try not to be hard on yourself. Maybe you irritated someone. That's okay, it happens to everyone. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Occasionally being annoying doesn't make you a bad person. Instead, just make an effort to smooth things over by apologizing to the person you annoyed, if appropriate, and moving forward. [25] X Research source
- Keep in mind that nobody has a perfect social track record! Every day, we’re all just trying to figure out how to communicate and coexist with people.
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Tips
- Try to remember that what’s annoying to one person might be fun or engaging to another person. You won’t be everyone's cup of tea, and that’s okay!Thanks
- If someone is constantly rude or mean to you, it’s more likely that they’re just a rude or mean person with their own issues, and you’re not the problem.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Just because someone finds you annoying doesn't mean they're right. Definitely don't try to imitate them to fix your own behavior.
- Try not to overcorrect your behaviors or make yourself into someone your not just to please other people.
- Remember to respect other people's boundaries, especially when you're in their spaces.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202012/is-someone-avoiding-you-this-might-be-why
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13414-018-1603-y?fromPaywallRec=false
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-become-self-aware
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9325107/
- ↑ https://www.stylist.co.uk/relationships/people-annoying-psychology-science/640551
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202012/is-someone-avoiding-you-this-might-be-why
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understand-other-people/201707/the-difficult-ones-are-everywhere
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/empathy
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201303/6-ways-stop-being-annoying
- ↑ http://time.com/9681/7-ways-youre-annoying-absolutely-everybody/
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2015/06/how-to-know-if-you-talk-too-much
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sweating-and-body-odor/symptoms-causes/syc-20353895
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-we-work/201210/how-to-respond-to-negativity
- ↑ https://www.additudemag.com/talking-too-much-listening-conversation-skills-adhd-adults/
- ↑ https://www.damemagazine.com/2018/07/25/do-manners-matter-and-is-it-ok-to-opt-out-of-a-friends-crisis/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-is-your-true-north/201509/know-thyself-how-develop-self-awareness
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-is-your-true-north/201509/know-thyself-how-develop-self-awareness
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950?pg=2
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950?pg=2
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201303/6-ways-stop-being-annoying
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201303/6-ways-stop-being-annoying
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201303/6-ways-stop-being-annoying
- ↑ https://www.additudemag.com/talking-too-much-listening-conversation-skills-adhd-adults/
- ↑ https://gt20.org/life-resources/etiquette-manners/rules-of-etiquette/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-wise-brain/201705/are-you-hard-yourself
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you’re afraid you might be irritating, pay attention to how others react to you. People who are irritated with you might frown or roll their eyes a lot, use closed-off body language like crossing their arms or looking away, or look for excuses not to be around you. Look at your own actions, too. Some common irritating behaviors include getting into people’s personal space, being too loud, interrupting, making every conversation about yourself, or being overly negative. If you’re still not sure, ask someone you trust for their honest opinion.
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