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Sometimes, Indian parents seem to be harder to deal with than the rest. Stereotypically, they have high academic expectations, limited dating rules, and biased behavioral expectations owing to family values. Many Indian teens growing up in the western world often feel overwhelmed. This article will give Indian kids some advice for living in an Indian family and dealing with common scenarios. This article will also highlight the upsides of living in an Indian family.
Steps
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Remember that there are and will always continue to be some cultural differences among your Indian parents and you, which are irreversible. Depending upon how you acquaint yourself with the changing times, you will find there is a difference in thought process. You should try to learn to live with them rather than change them. Learning more about their upbringing may help you see why they expect you to appreciate what you are given.
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Cope with the pressure to do well at school. Like any parent, Indian parents expect you to do well at school. Extra curricular activities are not very high with them. High grades, a medal, a certificate etc garner their kudos, especially among relatives and family gatherings. Striving for the highest grades you can achieve is not a bad thing and remember Indians in America often get the highest paying jobs.Advertisement
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Be active at home, with books and homework. Apart from the expectation of maintaining high academic grades, your parents will probably expect you to do homework, or "studies" at home. Recite a poem or an essay and practice before family. They will be blown away if your poem or essay is in their native language or their regional language like Marathi, Gujarati, Malayalam, Bengali etc. Try to help your parents around the house whenever you walk past them or when you have free time.
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Don't get too close to the opposite sex. Your parents may not approve of you dating. In order to fit in with your peers, you can talk to girls or guys (depending on your gender) at school, but avoid activities like bringing your friend of the opposite sex home alone or often as your parents will certainly not see it in the way you might see it. Do not get into any arguments over this matter with them, especially if your parents are very orthodox and strict. You will have to deal with a lot more trouble, mentally and in some cases even physically. Try to stay low in the dating world as a teen and deal with your relationship issues as you get older with your parents.
- One thing to remember though is that this can be a big matter of disagreement between you and your parents, remember that the average Indian will never divorce, and most Indian marriages last for a long time. You don't want to be tied down to a marriage that you don't want to be in.
- Not all parents are strict. Some do encourage making friends, calling friends over regardless of gender, country etc. Appreciate if your parents are friendly and open with you. Don't break their trust by assuring them you are not dating while you are seeing someone. Be honest or wait until you are old enough. Talk it out with your parents to be sure of their expectations.
- One thing to remember though is that this can be a big matter of disagreement between you and your parents, remember that the average Indian will never divorce, and most Indian marriages last for a long time. You don't want to be tied down to a marriage that you don't want to be in.
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Be well behaved at school. Parents take pride in seeing their children not bullying, not fighting, and not spending time outside school after school hours. Maintain timeliness. Ask them when you'd like to stay out for longer. State why and with whom you will be and when you'll be back. Call them if you have a phone to make them know that you are fine. Try to avoid getting into too much trouble at school as your parents will dish out more severe punishments than your school district ever could. However, always remember that if you are involved in a justified fight, your parents will support you all the way, encourage your actions, and even conduct an Indian version of Face time with that horrible child.
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See if your parents always go for the cheapest, the most expensive or that which comes with an offer. Most Indian parents tend to be spendthrifts. They will buy you some George jeans from Walmart even though you might have your eye on some of those swaggy jeans at West 49. They will, in time, start buying you better clothes or other products when you prove yourself to them with good grades and behavior. They also go with everyone who uses certain brands, especially if one of them is a fellow Indian.
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If your parents never let you go to the mall on your own or with friends, go with them and distract them with a discount at a nice store. There is an 80% guarantee that they will be so occupied with those 'good value for money ' clothes or furniture that you can ask them for permission to browse another store and they will just say yes without thinking.
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Know what you want. If your parents yell at you, never argue with them. Just keep calm. When angry, try nodding and apologizing and they will eventually cool down. Decide your college, subjects, and sports or art preference beforehand. Because parents and siblings try to make decisions for kids. Explain it to them in the form of a future plan. Have some idea or a clear future plan.
- Remember, at the end of the day, you are who you are and you must live your own life. Be true to yourself. If you feel opposed to something that your parents say or do (or make you do), fight for what you think is right.
- Set that line between your home life and your social life and enforce it.
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Be responsible in front of relatives. If they have relatives or guests over, try being polite and answering their questions and ask about their family. After a reasonable time you can always use school work to excused.
- Behave well; other adults will notice your behaviour and report back to your parents. If the report is good, they will congratulate your parents and you will be congratulated in time, by your parents.
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Try to keep your image and reputation in school good. You don't have to be a hardcore "swag" god but do not be the nerd. Hangout with everyone. Be popular. If your classmates make some Indian jokes laugh along. However, if they are making hardcore insults about India or your culture, show them the classic Indian talent of a good beating. Do not be worried about getting in trouble at home as your parents will strongly condone your actions given the circumstances.
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Save up for your own things. If you are 16 and you want a car, get one when you get your own job because there is a small chance they will see eye to eye with you on that. Remember, back in the 1970s and '80s in India, cars, TVs, phones, microwaves, washing machines, and even western style sitting toilets were only for the extremely wealthy.
- If you fight for what you think is right, there is a chance that they will end up thinking they are being disrespected.
- Remember, most Indian parents are very emotional. Hug them more often. Smile and apologize, just for hurting them. And they'll be all yours. So, try to be close to them emotionally.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionHow do I persuade my Indian parents to let me go out with friends?Community AnswerYou have two options: Say you have to help your friends with something or have a group project. Another option: Do revision and try to impress them, then arrange a time to visit your friends. If you think they will disagree with where you're going, be as vague with your descriptions as possible.
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QuestionHow do I deal with my Indian mom comparing me to other kids?Community AnswerTell your mom that you don't like when she compares you to other kids and remind her of the stuff you're good at.
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QuestionMy dad doesn't seem to understand me. I get that he loves me, but he can only see things from his own point of view. He is always angry at everything and worried. His advice is irrational and he is always hypocritical. What do I do?Community AnswerSome people are just like that, unfortunately. You could try to sit down and talk with him sometime when he's calm or in a good mood; tell him you feel like he doesn't make an effort to understand you or see your point of view. Tell him you want to have a positive relationship and don't want all this anger and worry. Show him that you are responsible and ask him to trust you. If nothing changes, just try not to argue too much and allow him to say whatever he wants to say without talking back, when you can. It's okay if your dad doesn't understand you. Many people in life won't. Stay true to yourself on the inside and look forward to the independence of your future.
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Tips
- Before comparing your parents with your friends's parents, remember that their upbringing was different and in some respects, more difficult. While Bob's parents were living in good old America or Canada, your parents lived in a poverty stricken situation, where they saw kids starving on the streets. While Bob's parents were playing around with telephones, your parents only thought of them as distant dreams. While Bob's parents had the option of a decent life whether they got a good job or not, your parents either had the option of becoming a professional or scraping by on less than $2.00 a day.Thanks
- Appreciate some of your Indian culture and heritage. Ask them about India, its current affairs, and their childhoods.Thanks
- Be chill and proud that your parents are trying to make you successful in life.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don't talk about anything to do with the word "sex".Thanks
- Not all Indian parents are the same. Some of them are very liberal and westernized while others are very conservative.Thanks
- Any physical punishment is abuse and you shouldn't tolerate it.Thanks
- Although it may be hard, try not to talk back to your parents or disrespect them because it will worsen the situation and make them even more upset with you.Thanks
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