How Is My Inner Child Wounded?

• The inner child theory was first introduced by Swiss psychologist Carl Jung. According to this concept, everyone has an innocent, child-like portion of their psyche that feeds into their actions and choices.
• Your inner child represents a culmination of your past life experiences. According to psychologists John Firman and Ann Russell, the “ inner child infuses all the past hidden ages which have made up one’s life journey.” [1] In other words, a person’s inner child represents the different pains and traumas that a person has collected throughout their life, as well as child-like senses of awe, excitement, and imagination.
• Your inner child’s wounds affect who you are and how you act in the present. All children need love and support as they grow up. If these basic needs aren’t fulfilled in one way or another, a person’s inner child can develop wounds and scars that last into adulthood. Some causes of inner child wounds include:
  • Not being cared for physically (e.g., child had inconsistent food and housing, child was physically or sexually abused)
  • Not being cared for emotionally (e.g., child was ignored, child was punished for displaying emotion or wanting emotional support)
  • Not being cared for psychologically (e.g., child was frequently insulted or name-called, child was gaslit by parents/guardians)
• Some psychologists divide a person’s inner child into archetypes. In her book How to Do the Work , psychologist Nicole LePera divides the wounded inner child concept into different archetypes, which represent specific unmet needs in a person’s past and the current reactions and behaviors that they now manifest in a person’s life. Here are a few of them:
  • The caretaker: Experienced codependent relationships at home; prioritizes other people and completely ignores their personal needs
  • The overachiever: Developed a poor sense of self-worth; views success and accomplishment as the only way to gain love from others
  • The underachiever: Became scared of failing or being criticized; makes themselves invisible and aloof as a way to get love from others
  • The rescuer/protector: Hides a deep sense of vulnerability; goes out of their way to help and “rescue” others
  • The life of the party: Feels embarrassed of showing any kind of emotion; puts on a happy face and does their best to keep people’s spirits up
  • The hero worshipper: Viewed their parent or guardian as completely perfect growing up; feels the need to devote themselves to following someone else
    
    

How to Heal Your Inner Child

• Draft a personal note to your inner child. Writing yourself a note is a great way to acknowledge the wounds and struggles you’ve experienced while also giving yourself permission to heal, grow, and put yourself first . You might write yourself a note like:
  • Dear Dennis, I know you’ve always lived with a huge weight on your shoulders to put other people first, even if that means putting yourself on the back-burner time and time again. Please remember that you aren’t responsible for other people’s well-being, and it’s more than okay to put your own needs and wants first. Love, Dennis
• Practice mirror work. If you’re struggling with negative thought patterns and self-perceptions, stand in front of the mirror and look yourself in the eyes. Tell yourself statements that are rooted in self-love, like “I am important” and “I deserve to be happy and loved.”
• Make self-compassion a priority. Just as compassion refers to treating others with kindness and love, self-compassion revolves around treating yourself with those same principles. Train yourself to be a little more self-compassionate through activities like journaling , meditating , and combatting your negative and critical thoughts.
• Let yourself indulge in some child-like fun. Fun and play are important elements of a happy and healthy life, no matter how old you are. Give yourself time and permission to jam out to your favorite tunes, relax with an adult coloring book, go frolicking outside, or binge-watch your favorite show.
• Identify your triggers and validate yourself. When you have a strong negative reaction to something, try tracing those feelings back to a specific memory from your younger years. Once you’ve figured out the cause of the pain, take a moment to validate your inner child and remind them that they’re loved and cherished, and that they matter.
• Visit a therapist. Find a mental health professional in your area and schedule an appointment with them. During your sessions, your therapist can help you identify your inner child's wounds so you can start to heal and grow.