How to Love Your Boyfriend

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Last Updated: July 12, 2024 References

Finding the perfect guy isn't always easy, but once you do find that special someone, you want to show him what he means to you. Any relationship takes effort, but learning how to keep things fun and positive will only make your connection stronger.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Having Fun Together

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Plan fun dates. The best way to show your boyfriend that you love him? Go out together and have a good time as often as you can. It's important to keep a relationship fun and fresh, so make it a priority to date, no matter how long you've been together.
- Explore new restaurants, bars, and dance places together. Find out what kinds of things he likes to do and do them with him. Go camping, go hiking, or check out new movies. Head to the comic book shop together. Have mutual interests and explore them together. ^{[1]
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- Find a sport you both enjoy and pick it up together. Go play tennis against each other, then cool down with some milkshakes afterward. That's a fun, sporty date.
- On a budget? Make sandwiches and watch a game together, or watch his favorite action movie and spend the night in. Most guys will be huge fans of this kind of date.
- Let him pick sometimes, as well. It may sound great for you to go to a fancy restaurant and see a ballet, but he might be more into checking out a concert and grabbing some burgers. Do both things, but try to divide them up as much as possible.
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Get to know his friends. Your guy will have a close relationship with his guy friends and will show a side of himself that you're not as familiar with. It's possible that he'll act more natural around his male friends, while he'll go into "boyfriend mode" when he's with you. If you want to get to know and love the real him, get to know his buddies.
- Invite them over for a meal, or to have some beers at your place if you want to entertain. Or come along with him on one of his handouts, if you're invited, and hang out with the guys.
- If you don't like his friends, that's fine, but try to keep it to yourself as much as possible. Let him hang out with them when he wants, and keep your date time separate.
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Surprise him. If your guy comes over and you've baked him an apple pie and gotten the UFC pay-per-view? You'll be pretty much the best partner ever. Find out what kinds of things your guy really likes and do them just because, whenever you can.
- Bring him lunch at work, or sneak into the shower with him in the morning before he leaves. Let yourself be five minutes late.
- Surprises for birthdays and other holidays are nice, but they're not really surprises. To really show your guy some love, do it on a typical Wednesday.
- Surprises will all depend on the guy. Some guys would love it if you just showed up at his place with a pizza, while others might be mortified. Use your own judgment and make sure you know your guy.
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Spend time apart, as well. While it's important to spend lots of time with someone you love, it's also important to spend enough time apart. If you love your boyfriend, let him hang out with his friends and do things alone. Respect his privacy when it comes to alone time. ^{[2]
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- Some guys will want to hang out every day, while others may require a lot of down time, or time alone. That doesn't mean he loves you less, or that something's wrong. It might just mean that he needs some time alone.
- If you don't like being alone, then schedule lots of time with your own friends when your guy wants to hang out separately. Hang out with the girls, or see your family for a while.
- Part of love is trusting your guy enough to tell you the truth. ^{[3]
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  Research source} If he hasn't given you any reason to break that trust, you don't need to text him fifty times to keep tabs on him when he's out having fun with his friends.
EXPERT TIP

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Clinical Psychologist, Author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Clinical Psychologist, Author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating

Taking it slow is healthy. Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a psychologist and relationship coach, says: "One of the big struggles people have is that sometimes their heart has a binary switch — it’s either closed or it’s open. But, the best way to open your heart in a romantic relationship is actually in a slow, nuanced way. You want to hold on to a certain piece of yourself, so that if the small issues that you start to see with a person become bigger or more persistent than you initially realized, you held on to enough of yourself to walk away."
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Talk. Loving someone means that you get to know them on an emotional level that's deep, maybe deeper than you've ever known someone before. If you want to learn to love your boyfriend, it's important to spend lots of time talking. Ask him open-ended questions to get him talking and listen. See what he has to say. See what he's like. Get to know him. ^{[4]
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- While guys have a reputation for being silent, most guys will open up when you get them in private and talk about the right things. Talking about his hopes and dreams and emotions? Not so much. Talking about subjects he's passionate about? Now you're talking.
- If this is your first relationship, spend lots of time talking to your boyfriend and getting to know him before you do anything you won't be able to take back. Don't have sex or send inappropriate pictures to anyone you don't really know, just because your'e "going out."

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Loving Him

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1
Be positive. Your relationship should be a source of joy and love, not a wrestling match between two angry scorpions who are trapped together. If you want to cultivate a loving and close relationship with your boyfriend, it's important to try to keep things as positive and loving as possible at all times.
- Tell him regularly what you like about him. Write down a list of the things that you love about your boyfriend and that you're attracted to. This helps you to remind yourself as well, if you've forgotten.
- When bad things happen, as they will, try to handle them like an adult. If you have an argument, try not to scream and yell, but calm down and take a break if necessary. Talk about things when you're in a calm mood. ^{[5]
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Encourage him. If you want to love your guy, then be in his corner. If he's having a rough time at school or work, encourage him to do his best. If he's successful, compliment him and remind him that he's doing a good job. Be a positive presence in his life.
- Sometimes, encouragement should be hard. If your guy's been doing nothing but slugging brews and playing Xbox lately, then maybe he needs to be encouraged to spend his time a little more wisely. Talk with him about what he wants to do and encourage him in his interests, so he'll be more fulfilled.
Try to avoid nagging or criticizing your guy, especially if he's having a rough time. Most guys will respond better to positive encouragement than to negatives. If your guy is doing something you don't like, give him the hint by suggesting different ways of doing things, instead of rubbing his face in his failures.
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Communicate with him. Guys appreciate it when you cut to the chase and speak your mind. If you have an opinion about something, share it. If you're angry, say so. If something turns you on, tell him what it is so he'll do it again. Don't try to be subtle with a guy, just come right out and say it.
- Learn to recognize his personal signals. Some guys will close down and stop talking if they're upset. That doesn't mean you need to ask "What's the matter?" fifty times an hour. Some guys will open up if you give them some space.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1820 wikiHow readers about the most common signs a man is stressed or upset, and only 6% of them said when he self-medicates with food or alcohol . [Take Poll] Acting snappy or restless might be a better indicator that he’s stressed.
Don't expect him to read your mind. If you're feeling hurt by something he said, don't just give him the silent treatment and expect him to figure it out. Be clear and be open. Be honest with him. That's a lot better than sneaking around and trying to drop hints.
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Ask him to help you with something that he's good at. One thing that helps a guy feel valuable and loved is to feel useful.
- Asking him to help you with things you don't need help with might just come off as annoying.
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Be around him when he's at his best. It's a lot easier to love someone if you're seeing him at his best. If you know you're going to hate going to the football game with him and watching him scream and yell while you're bored, don't tag along just to be together. Spend your time doing something else instead and be together when you've got your own date time.
- Don't force him to do things he doesn't want to do. If he's going to gripe and complain to come along to an office party with you, don't drag him along. You'll have more fun alone.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Being More Intimate

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1
Love yourself. It's important to open yourself up to love and affection. Try to let go of anxiety and love yourself as you love your boyfriend. If you have issues with anxiety and self-esteem, it's important to work on those issues separately from your relationship with your boyfriend. ^{[6]
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- If you struggle with anxiety issues, or struggle in other ways, talk to someone about it. Seek out a doctor, or a close friend to talk about your anxiety. You can be open and honest with your boyfriend, but don't burden him with your issues if it hurts your relationship. ^{[7]
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- Look your best so you feel confident and loving with your boyfriend. You don't have to look any particular way to love your boyfriend, but if it would make you feel more confident and loving with your boyfriend, make some little changes. Get in shape or dress up if it will help.
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Move at your own pace. Before you're physically intimate with your boyfriend, make sure that you want to and that you're old enough and responsible enough to show your love physically. Always practice safe sex and communicate with your boyfriend before you do.
- If your boyfriend will only be with you if you have sex before you're ready, or send him pictures on your phone that you don't want to send, break up with him. He's manipulating you and is being unfair. Love yourself enough to stand up for yourself and move at your own speed.
Lots of people think that the guy will always initiate the kissing and the physical love part of a relationship. This doesn't have to be the case. If you want to show your boyfriend that you love him, don't wait around for him to make a move. If you're feeling love, make a move yourself every now and then. This will help him to feel loved, and will help you to feel closer to him.
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Flirt and tease your boyfriend. Even if you've been together a while, try to remember what it was like when you first got together and rekindle some of that attitude when you're together. Tell him that he turns you on. Tell him what you want to do together.
- Leave him little notes throughout the day if you want to turn your boyfriend on . Delay the gratification, so you'll keep the sexual tension up all day until you get back to your place. ^{[8]
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- Tease him physically as well. Give him a little kiss on the side of the neck when you're out in public together and whisper in his ear. Drive him wild.
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Spice it up. Your love life can get stale pretty quickly if you don't put some work into it. If you want to love your boyfriend, find little ways to keep your life in and out of the bedroom fresh and exciting for you.
- Try having sex at different times and in different places than normal. If you want to do it, don't always do it in the same place.
- Try out new moves. Experiment with some kink. Dress up and role-play. Talk about what you like, and find out what he likes. All guys are different. It's always better to find out from your boyfriend what feels good and what turns him on, instead of reading some list on the Internet or from a magazine.

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