How to Make Conversation on a Blind Date

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Blind dates can be scary. You know very little about the person you are meeting and they know very little about you. Figuring out how to talk to someone you just met can be difficult, but if you behave politely, listen to your date, and ask interesting questions, you’ll be on your way to a second date!

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Getting to Know Your Date

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  1. Make eye contact, smile and tell them your name clearly and confidently. If you get nervous meeting people for the first time, practicing introductions beforehand might be helpful.
    • You don’t need to think of anything witty or brilliant. All you need to say is “Hello! I’m Terry. It's great to meet you!"
  2. An observational remark about the weather, the menu, or the decor is a great way to break the ice. Keep your comments positive. Don’t tell them how much you hate the song that’s playing or how this isn’t your favorite kind of food. [1]
    • If you've never been to your location, try “I heard the appetizers here are great.”
    • "The rain here has been crazy, at least my plants like it!" or "It's been so warm, makes me miss my surfing days!" are good ways to comment on the weather without seeming like you're complaining about it.
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  3. Asking someone how they are is polite, and your date will feel like you care about their life. [2]
    • Finding out how your date’s day was can also help you figure out if the date’s going well. If something unusual or bad happened to them recently, it might affect their behavior on the date.
    • If they tell you they had a great day, ask them what the best part of it was.
    • If they had a bad day, tell them you're sorry to hear that, and then listen sympathetically.
  4. If your date is from the area, you can ask them for restaurant or shopping recommendations. If they’re new to town, tell them about your favorite places. [3]
    • If you’ve been to their hometown, try to find out if you know the same people or places! It will make you more memorable.
  5. Ask your date what they do for a living, and tell them about your job. Keep your job description to one sentence unless they ask multiple follow-up questions. Talking about your job can be very boring to people who aren’t your co-workers. [4]
    • Don't tell them how much you make--bragging is a turn-off.
    • Resist the urge to complain about your job. Keep your comments positive when you've just met someone.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Having a Deeper Conversation

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  1. Avoid saying anything negative on a first date. Don’t talk about how much you hate your ex, your boss’s annoying habits, or how bad your meal tastes. Even if your complaints are justified, you run the risk of coming off as pessimistic and whiny. [5]
  2. Don’t talk about your accomplishments or possessions too much. It can make you look self-centered and status-obsessed. You don’t have to lie about your life, but you shouldn’t turn the conversation back towards yourself too often. [6]
    • For example, it’s okay to mention that you’re a doctor, but don’t talk about how you were first in your class at Harvard.
  3. Instead of asking questions with yes or no answers, ask questions that require a more involved answer. The questions you ask should require at least one complete sentence to answer. [7]
    • For example, if you want to know if your date loves classic cars as much as you do, you could say “What was your dream car when you got your license?” instead of just asking if they like cars.
    • Ask questions that are personal, but not intrusive or upsetting. Asking "What was the worst day of your life?" would require a long response, but your date would probably find it rude, nosy, or even traumatic. Instead, ask something like "How did you get interested in wine tasting?"
    • Base your questions off your previous conversation. If you simply ask a long list of unrelated questions, your date will feel like they're being interrogated. If your date mentioned that the movie you saw is by their favorite director, ask "Who do you think should have won at the Oscars last year?"
    • Don’t worry about asking too many questions--that’s what blind dates are for!
  4. Making your date laugh is a great way to make sure you see them again! If you aren’t the type who can come up with a funny story on the fly, it’s okay to practice beforehand.
    • If you’ve ever had a funny or unusual experience, like meeting a celebrity or accidentally going to work with mismatched shoes, tell it to your date!
    • It doesn’t have to be an anecdote about you. Think of stories that your friends have told, or even ones you saw on television. If it’s not your story, it’s okay to say so--it’s better than having your date wonder why you’re telling a story from their favorite show as though it happened to you.
    • Keep your anecdote lighthearted. Lots of people have a dark sense of humor, but you don’t know yet if your date is one of them. Avoid telling stories about people being injured, humiliated, or frightened.
    • Don’t tell offensive stories. If your anecdote relies on racial, ethnic, or gendered humor, it’s best not to tell it at all.
  5. Don’t feel like you have to fill the entire date with conversation. If they are simply saying “yeah” or “uh-huh” over and over again while you speak, you may not be letting them talk! Be sure you’re giving your date plenty of chances to talk by asking their opinion on what you just said or complimenting their outfit.
  6. If your date asks you a question, answer it fully, in complete sentences. Avoid replies like “yes,” “no,” or “I don’t know.” These answers give the impression that you aren’t interested in talking and don’t care about what your date is saying. [8]
    • If you actually don’t know the answer to the question, smile and say you’ve actually never thought of it before, and then ask their opinion.
    • If your date asks a question you don’t want to answer, just laugh and say “I’ll tell you about that later!” and then change the subject. It’s possible that they didn’t know it was a sensitive topic.
  7. Listening is just as important as talking on a date. When your date is speaking, pay close attention to what they are saying. Maintain eye contact, don’t look at your phone, and say “excuse me” if you have to get up or if another person speaks to you.
    • Show your date you were listening by asking follow-up questions. For example, if your date just told you about how much they love animals, ask them if they volunteer at the local shelter.
    • Let your body language show that you're listening. Nod, lean towards your date, maintain eye contact, and periodically tilt your head or cup your chin in your hand.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Leading to a Second Date

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  1. Before you try to arrange a second date, look for signs of disinterest. If they gave one-word replies, looked at their phone repeatedly, or avoided contact with you, you might want to reconsider asking them out again.
  2. Look them in the eyes and tell them how much you enjoyed the date. You don’t need to get romantic or flowery--a simple “I had a great time” is fine!
  3. You can be direct and straightforward about this. If you hint or say something vague, your date might think you don’t actually want to see them again. [9]
    • A simple "I'd love to do this again, would you like to meet up again on Friday?" is a great choice.
    • If you aren't sure when you can meet again, tell them "I don't know my work schedule for next week yet, but I definitely want to see you again. Can I call you on Thursday night with something more definite?"
    • If they say yes, you can make plans right there, or tell them you’ll be in touch the next day--it’s up to you.
    • If they say no or reply vaguely, be gracious and polite. Smile and thank them for their time before leaving.
  4. You don’t need to make a big farewell speech--just tell them you’re looking forward to seeing them again and wish them a good night. If you feel like the time is right for a hug or kiss, go for it, but it’s completely optional.
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  • Question
    How do you start a conversation on a blind date?
    Maria Avgitidis
    Matchmaker & Dating Expert
    Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.
    Maria Avgitidis
    Matchmaker & Dating Expert
    Expert Answer
    Let the conversation happen organically. Don't go into the date with a list of questions that you run down like an interview. Instead, ask open-ended questions about their lifestyle or values. Keep things open, light-hearted, and natural.
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      Warnings

      • If your date is making you feel uneasy, don’t feel obligated to stay. Leave as soon as you can.
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      • Don’t drink heavily. It’s okay to drink on a blind date, but stay well within your limits when you’re out with a stranger you want to impress.
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      • Keep your nonverbal communication in mind. For example, leaning away from the table can convey disinterest in what is being said. Leaning forward or towards your date can display interest or engagement.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/10-ways-to-have-an-awesome-bli
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-practice/201305/21-first-date-questions
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-practice/201305/21-first-date-questions
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-practice/201305/21-first-date-questions
      5. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/10-ways-to-have-an-awesome-bli
      6. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/10-ways-to-have-an-awesome-bli
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-practice/201305/21-first-date-questions
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-practice/201305/21-first-date-questions
      9. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-ask-someone-on-a-date-2017-1

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