How to Make the Girl You Like Miss You

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Being apart from the girl you like can be one of the hardest things you ever have to do. So how do you make sure the girl misses you while you're gone? All you have to do is leave her wanting to see more of you, make her enjoy the time you do spend together, and take steps to remind her of how much she likes you even when you're apart. If you make a real effort, then the saying “Out of sight, out of mind,” won't be true for you at all.
This article is based on an interview with our international dating coach and matchmaker, Laura Bilotta, founder of Single in the City. Check out the full interview here.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Leaving Her Wanting More

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  1. If you want the girl to miss you when you're not together, then you can't spend too much of your free time with her. You should hang out with her enough to make her see how awesome, fun, and interesting you are, but not so much that she starts to take you for granted or feels like you've run out of things to say to each other. Make an effort to see her once or twice a week, but make sure she's not the only thing on your social calendar, or she'll begin to think that she can have you whenever she wants. [1] [2]
    • Don't plan the next date immediately after your last date. [3]
    • If she wants to hang out with you, she should make plans with you at least a few days in advance. You don't want it to look like you're at her beck and call. [4]
    • When you do hang out with her, don't spend the entire day with her, but leave to do something else after a few hours so she really relishes the time you do spend together instead of getting too comfortable with you.
    • This may feel a little strange, at first, but hey, it's part of playing hard to get .
  2. If you and the girl you like talk on the phone, make sure you keep your conversations relatively short so she doesn't think you have nothing better to do than to talk to her all the time. [5] You can talk to her to set up plans or to see how she's doing for a few minutes, but you shouldn't let the conversation drag on so long that you've run out of things to say. To keep her interested, you want her feel like she can never run out of things to say to you.
    • Don't tell her everything that you're thinking or everything that's going on in your life over the phone. Save some of it for when you actually hang out in person.
    • Make the time count. If you only talk to her on the phone for a few minutes, make sure you bring your A game and charm her, make her laugh, and make her feel special . Don't talk to her while also watching the Jets game; make her feel like you do value your conversations.
    • Similarly, don't send her text after text. Instead, let her wonder what you're up to! [6]
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  3. Don't drop everything to talk to her . To make a girl miss you, you can't make her feel like you're at her beck and call. If she texts you and you're busy, don't go out of your way to give her a lengthy response ASAP, unless she really needs one. Instead, give it a few hours before you get back to her. The same goes for talking on the phone; if she calls you, don't feel compelled to pick up every time, or to pick up on the first ring.
    • If the girl feels like she can reach you whenever she wants, then she'll be less likely to miss you. If it seems a little bit hard to get a bit of your time, then she'll value it more.
    • Of course, if she seems upset and really wants to talk as soon as possible, then you should be there for her instead of acting aloof. But if she's calling or texting just to check in, then you shouldn't feel compelled to get back to her immediately.
  4. Don't give up all of the things you love just to be with the girl. If you want her to miss you when you're not around, then you should spend time continuing to do all of the things you love. [7] Keep going to your soccer practice , working on your novel, or learning Japanese . Let her know what you're up so she sees you're an interesting, dynamic person who is excited about life, and who has more going on than just his romantic interests.
    • The girl will respect you and will think you're even more interesting if you have things you care about and want to improve at. Besides, continuing to pursue your hobbies will give you more things to talk to her about. [8]
    • If the girl knows you have a lot going on, she'll see that your time is valuable and will be more likely to appreciate the moments you spend together.
  5. Spending time with your friends is important, and no girl you like or date will ever be able to replace your friends, even if your relationship takes on its own fulfilling character. This means that you should never stop hanging out with your buddies to make time for your girl; though you can cut down on friend time to see your girl, you shouldn't ditch your friends completely, or the girl will think she has you wrapped around her little finger. [9]
    • If she knows that you have plenty of friendships you care about, then she'll see that you're an interesting person who lots of people want to spend time with. If she feels like you're just sitting around waiting for her to call because you have no one else to hang out with, then she'll be much less likely to miss you.
    • Find a healthy balance between seeing your girl and seeing your friends. You don't want to see them so much that you never have time for your girl and make her lose interest, but you also don't want to see them so rarely that she feels like she's the only thing you care about.
  6. If you want the girl you like to miss you, then you can't let her know exactly what's on your mind and exactly what you're doing all the time. [10] Though she should know you're interested, you can't tell her that you think she's the greatest girl in the world and that you'd do anything to have her; though you can let her know your true feelings once she opens up to you more and spends more time with you, you should leave her wondering about where she stands just a little bit. [11]
    • You can compliment her and tell her things you like about her, but you shouldn't tell her everything you think about her, or you'll be putting yourself in a vulnerable position.
    • You should keep her guessing about your plans, too. If you have to leave early to catch your brother's basketball game, you don't always have to tell her where you're going.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Staying on Her Mind

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  1. If you want the girl to miss you when you're not together, then you have to remind her of your presence from time to time. Send her a text to say hi or to see how her day is going, or give her a quick call to tell her about what you've been up to. You can also send her an email from work or shoot her a quick text when you're away with your friend for the weekend. Make sure you talk to her just enough that she doesn't forget about you, but that she also doesn't feel smothered by you, either.
    • If you're apart, make sure you're not always the one getting in touch first. You can call or text her from time to time, but you shouldn't make her take you for granted and feel like you'll always call even if she doesn't.
    • If you know she has something important coming up, such as a job interview or a volleyball game, then check in with her to wish her luck. If it just happened, check in to see how it went. This will show her that you care and that you are paying attention, even if you're not always around.
  2. One trick to getting the girl to miss you is to make sure you're on her mind as she's getting ready for bed. You can send her a sweet text or plan your phone calls so you talk to her later in the evening, so she thinks of you as she goes to bed and maybe even dreams about you. She also may wake up thinking about the great conversation you had—and will miss you even more as a result.
    • Talking to her before she gets ready for bed will give you a better chance of really capturing her attention. She'll be winding down and will be able to focus on you more easily instead of talking to you while having a million other things going on at the same time.
    • Of course, make sure it's okay for her to talk on the phone late at night—you don't want her to get in trouble with her parents.
  3. Another way to make sure that the girl misses you is to give her something that makes it so you're never far from her mind. It can be a necklace you gave her for her birthday, a letter you wrote to her, a sweatshirt that smells like you that you let her borrow, or a book or CD that you thought she would really like. These physical objects will make it so you have a bigger presence in her life, and she'll be more likely to miss you while you're away.
    • You can get her a memento on one of your dates . Winning her a stuffed animal at a carnival or getting her a small souvenir from a trip you go on together will give her something that reminds her of you.
    • You don't need to splurge on this item. What's most important is that it makes her think of you, not the heft of the price tag.
  4. Another way to make a girl miss you is to write her a sweet and sincere note about how much you like her. It doesn't have to be long or too detailed, but it should make her see that you really do care for her. You can hand it to her on one of your dates or even mail it to her if you're apart. She will keep the note and may even read it over again to be reminded of you. Giving her some physical proof of how much you care for her can make her miss you even more.
    • You shouldn't write the note just to get her to miss you; make sure that everything you write is sincere and from the heart. If you're too calculating, she'll be able to tell.
  5. Ask her questions to show an interest in her life. If you want the girl to miss you and to care for you more, then you should ask her questions about herself, whether you do so in person, over the phone, or in a letter. You don't need to pry or ask her too many things to show her that you care. If you're with her in person, you can ask her about her family, her pets, her weekend plans, her friends, or her hobbies. If you're texting her, you can follow up about an important event in her life or just ask how her day is going.
    • The truth is that if you really want to get a girl to like you , you have to show that you're interested in her. This is much more important than being the coolest or most fascinating guy around; at the end of the day, girls just want guys who actually care about them. If the girl really feels like you care about her, then she'll miss you even more when you're gone.
    • Make sure you actually remember the answers to your questions. If the girl feels like she has to keep repeating herself around you, then she'll get the sense that you don't really care.
  6. Treat her well when you're together. You don't need to be Mr. Too Cool when you're with the girl you like. If you want her to miss you when you're gone, then you should do your best to make an impression on her when you're together. Make sure to charm her, make her laugh, make her feel special, and generally let her see that you do care about her without coming on too strong. You want her to remember you for the caring, smart, interesting person that you are, so you have to make the most of your time together, especially if you don't have a lot of it.
    • Be attentive. Pay close attention to her to make sure she's having a good time and that she doesn't need anything, like a glass of water or a change of scenery. [12]
    • Make her laugh . Don't worry about being romantic all the time; relax and be a goofball around her and she'll like you all the more for it.
    • Let her talk. Make sure you don't do more than roughly half of the talking. You don't want her to feel like you're lecturing her or showing off by talking too much.
  7. When you do spend time with the girl you like, you should make sure that you don't overstay your welcome. Instead, wait until you're having a great time talking and then tell her that you have to get going; as long as you weren't supposed to hang out with her for longer, this won't hurt her feelings. When the conversation is at its peak, she'll be thinking highly of you, so you want to leave her with a positive impression of you when you're gone.
    • If you hang around too long until you both are struggling to come up with something to talk about, then the girl won't remember you as being a fun person to talk to. Instead, leave while you still have plenty of things to say to each other so she feels excited to pick up your conversation the next time.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Not Taking it Too Far

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  1. Don't try too hard to make her jealous . Though there are some tricks you can pull to make the girl you like be more inclined to miss you, you shouldn't try to make her so jealous that she feels like she shouldn't bother with you because you're a player or because she doesn't want to fight for your affection. While you don't have to tell her where you've been all the time, don't talk about other girls too much or openly flirt with every girl who comes your way unless you want the girl to get annoyed with you.
    • Though some light flirting with other girls can make the girl you like see that you're a catch, you don't want to push it so far that she feels like you don't care about her.
    • If she thinks that you're likely to mess around with other girls when you're away, then she won't miss you very much.
    • If you see her out, you should gather your confidence and give it a minute or two before you go up to her. If you act like you don't see her or she's not cool enough for you, then she won't be jealous of the people you're talking to; she'll just think you're a jerk.
  2. As corny as it sounds, at the end of the day, it's important that you be yourself if you really want to win the girl over. You shouldn't try to put on an act or be a guy who you think she'd prefer to you; instead, you should work on letting her see your best attributes and take some time to open up about your more quirky interests. Though you don't need to act the exact same way around her as you would around your buddies, you shouldn't put on an act, either, or she'll be able to see through it eventually.
    • If you really like the girl and want her to miss you, then you should make sure the person she's missing is really you, not some polished version of who you are.
    • Though it can take a while for you to open up and show her who you really are, you should try to be as genuine as possible when you're getting to know each other.
  3. Sure, limiting your phone time or the time you spend together and playing a little hard to get can make the girl more interested in you and can make her more likely to miss you. But if you take it too far, then you'll just be confusing the girl—and may even be confusing yourself in the process. If she feels like your entire relationship is based around mind games and she doesn't really know who you are, then her patience will wear thin pretty fast.
    • If you're kind and affectionate one minute and then cold and distant the next, then she'll quickly get frustrated. Though you don't have to give it all away, if she feels like she has no idea what's going on in your head, she'll start to give up on you.
  4. While it's important to leave her wanting more and missing you, you don't want to take playing hard to get so far that she has no idea that you actually do care for her. Even if you're a bit shy, you should tell her that you do like her and that you do want to spend more time with her. Don't let her do all the work, or she may get tired of you because she'll think that you don't really like her.
    • You have to be willing to meet her at least halfway. If you force her to chase you too much, she may go for a guy who is more open with his feelings instead.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/persuasion-bias-and-choice/201812/4-ways-use-scarcity-persuade-and-influence
      2. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
      3. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201606/how-and-why-play-hard-get
      5. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
      6. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
      7. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201812/is-it-attractive-be-selective-popular-or-hard-get
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/lifetime-connections/201503/the-13-essential-traits-good-friends
      1. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
      2. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2LSQXNHjMA
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/open-gently/201802/how-to-stay-attentive

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To make the girl you like miss you, limit the amount of time you spend together to 1 or 2 times a week so she looks forward to seeing you and doesn’t take you for granted. During the time you spend together, treat her well by asking questions about her life and making her laugh to show you care about her and enjoy spending time together. When you’re not with your girl, continue to pursue your own interests, like soccer or learning a language. Additionally, make time to see your friends so you have a healthy balance between hanging out with your girl and your buddies. If she sends you a text message, wait an hour or 2 before responding to show that you have other things to do. However, if you’re spending a longer period of time apart, such as a few days or a weekend, remember to send her a message or give her a quick call to see how she’s doing, since this will remind her of how much she misses you. For tips on how to tell a girl how you feel about her, keep reading!

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