How to Spot and Survive a Narcissist’s Smear Campaign

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A smear campaign is a tactic narcissists use to ruin another person’s reputation. These manipulative attacks can be really devaluing and alienating to whoever a narcissist has their sights set on, so it’s important to recognize when you’re experiencing one. If you’re going through a narcissistic smear campaign, we’re here to help support you through it. Keep reading to learn more about what a smear campaign is, what signs to look for, and how to navigate conversations to restore your reputation.

Things You Should Know

  • A smear campaign is when a narcissist persistently spreads lies or rumors about another person to damage their reputation.
  • A narcissist repeatedly speaking poorly of you, bullying you online, or turning friends against you are signs of a smear campaign.
  • Avoid discussing any lies or rumors a narcissist spreads about you. Keep acting calm and kind so people see who you really are rather than believing the narcissist.
Section 1 of 4:

What is a narcissistic smear campaign?

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  1. If a narcissist is upset or feeling insecure, like at the end of a relationship, they may try to humiliate the person that made them feel that way. During a smear campaign, a narcissist may speak of you poorly or spread rumors to turn others against you and make themselves feel superior. A narcissist may also try using a smear campaign to distract others from their own behavior. [1]
    • Narcissistic smear campaigns can happen in any type of relationship or setting. A narcissistic family member may talk poorly about you to hide their own dysfunction at home, while a narcissistic coworker may talk to your boss about you behind your back if they feel like you’re competition.
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Section 2 of 4:

Signs of a Smear Campaign

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  1. During a smear campaign, a narcissist will exaggerate the truth about your interactions to make it seem like you were causing issues. They may also tell blatant lies about you as a way to gain control over the situation. Narcissists may tell these lies in person or spread them over social media. [2]
    • A narcissistic ex may accuse you of cheating on them to make it seem like you’re the reason for the breakup.
    • An old boss running a narcissistic smear campaign may spread a rumor about your poor work performance to prevent you from getting another position.
  2. When a narcissist has their sights set on you for their smear campaign, it’ll be their main focus during a conversation even if other people disagree. If they’re given the opportunity, they’ll continue attacking what makes you feel the most vulnerable or telling stories about all the “bad things” you’ve done to them. They may also play the victim so it seems like you’re the person causing problems. [3]
    • If you made a narcissistic friend feel ashamed, they may go on a smear campaign and may share secrets you told them in confidence.
    • Narcissists may say something like, “I don’t want to cause any trouble, but I’m really concerned about John’s anger issues toward me.” Even though it may sound like a concern, it still may change how the person hearing it views you.
  3. A narcissist that feels threatened by you will try damaging your reputation behind your back by reaching out to your friends, family, coworkers, or anyone in your social circle. They’ll tell lies or bad-talk you to draw attention to themselves and make other people side with them. [4]
    • A narcissistic partner may tell your friends that you don’t actually like them so you spend less time with them.
    • A narcissistic coworker may lie about your boss so they overlook you for a promotion that they also want.
  4. Even if you call a narcissist out on their behavior, they may try turning it around on you and play the victim instead. They may shift the blame and say that you’re the one that’s making things up or gaslighting others to believe your side of the story. The narcissist is either afraid of being caught in a lie or having someone see through their facade, so they’ll redirect the attention on your behaviors instead. [5]
    • A narcissistic partner may say that you’re the one causing a relationship issue if you’re bringing up a behavior you want them to change.
    • If a narcissistic parent doesn’t reach out to you, they may say that they’re still caring and that you’re the problem for not contacting them on your own.
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Section 3 of 4:

Dealing with a Smear Campaign

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  1. Rather than letting a narcissist push your buttons, do your best to ignore what they’re saying and move on. If you can, try to go no contact with a narcissist so you limit any conversations with them. If you do have to talk with them, establish your boundaries for what you’re comfortable talking about and what topics you want to avoid. [6]
    • You may say, “It hurts when you spread rumors like that, and I will not engage in the conversation if this is what we’re discussing right now.”
    • Common narcissistic responses to no contact may include ignoring the boundaries you set, getting angry, or trying to convince you that they’ve changed. Stay strong and continue maintaining your boundary and the narcissist will move on when they realize they don’t have control over you anymore.
  2. If you lash out or get upset by what a narcissist says during a smear campaign, it may make you seem like you’re overly emotional and make the narcissist’s claims more believable. When you do have to talk on the subject, use the grey rock method by maintaining a neutral expression and a calm demeanor to show that you’re not bothered. Move on to the next subject to help redirect your attention. [7]
    • If someone says something that makes you upset, just say something simple like, “Mmhmm. I’d like to talk about something else.”
  3. Rather than getting upset or defensive when you hear a narcissist’s smear campaign, pick your battles with what to address and what not to. While you may want to defend yourself on bold claims that affect your livelihood, let comments go about things that are difficult to disprove. [8] The narcissist is only trying to get control over your emotions and trying to disprove them may make it seem like you’re acting unstable. [9]
    • Even if you’re not in the wrong, avoid feeling the need to try proving it to everybody. People who are close to the narcissist may not shift their perspective regardless of the evidence.
  4. Instead of worrying about a narcissist’s comments, try to move forward and keep on doing things that make you happy. Take a moment to calm down so you can keep pressing forward. Then, check in with your emotions and refocus on what makes you feel good and positive when you’re riled up by the smear campaign. When people see you acting yourself and not how the narcissist described you, they’ll recognize the lies they were told.
  5. Take a moment for yourself to find activities that make you feel calm, relaxed, and fulfilled. You may try journaling , doing yoga , or practicing meditation to help you recenter and understand your emotions on a deeper level. Keep yourself busy with old and new hobbies so you aren’t distracted or brought down by the narcissist’s smear campaign.
  6. Rather than trying to go through a narcissistic smear campaign on your own, contact the friends and family that are still on your side. Try to spend more time with them and let them know how they can show their support. Be open about what’s happening and how you’re feeling because your loved ones may offer helpful advice on how they’ve handled similar situations.
    • Consider seeing a therapist or finding a narcissistic abuse support group in your area. They may be able to give you more targeted advice for recovering from a narcissist.
    • If people you know are taking the narcissist’s side during the smear campaign, avoid putting your energy into seeing them. They may believe the narcissist even if you spend time trying to convince them. It may hurt to lose some friends, but it’s better to be around people who believe and support you.
  7. If a narcissist is being really persistent with their smear campaign, keep a log of any messages, texts, or posts that bad-talk you. If they continue bullying you, block and report their social media accounts so they can’t keep spreading lies. If you feel threatened or endangered, then contact law enforcement and let them know. [10]
    • If the narcissist still doesn’t let up, look into defamation laws in your state and contact a lawyer to make a legal case.
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Section 4 of 4:

Why do narcissists use smear campaigns?

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  1. If a narcissist feels that you’re pulling away from them, they may start talking poorly about you because they see you as a threat or competition. The smear campaign will help convince others to see their side before you have a chance to give any details. [11]
  2. Narcissists are worried about being embarrassed or looked down upon, so they’ll do anything they can to look better to others. As a narcissist continues their smear campaign, they feel superior over you and make themselves feel better. [12]
  3. Narcissists think they deserve special attention or treatment, so they may try to flip the script if things aren’t going their way. Even if they had negative behaviors that impacted your relationship with them, they may shift the blame with a smear campaign to take attention off of themselves. [13]
  4. If a narcissist thinks that you’re directly competing with them for attention or recognition, they may start speaking poorly of you. The narcissist only cares about getting what they want and not who they hurt in the process, so they may use you as a scapegoat. [14]
  5. If a narcissist feels like you’ve wronged them or embarrassed them, they may use a smear campaign as a form of retaliation. They may just want to make life miserable by turning people against you so you feel as bad as they do. [15]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2017/03/5-ways-narcissists-smear-others#1
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2019/01/11-manipulation-and-sabotage-tactics-of-narcissists-sociopaths-psychopaths#1.-SMEAR-CAMPAIGNS .
      3. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/leaving-person-with-narcissism-here-comes-smear-campaign-0920174
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/disorders/signs-a-narcissist-is-playing-games-and-why#recognizing-it
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2017/09/narcissistic-projection#1
      6. ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-baiting-and-how-to-respond.html
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2019/01/11-manipulation-and-sabotage-tactics-of-narcissists-sociopaths-psychopaths#1.-SMEAR-CAMPAIGNS .
      8. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/leaving-person-with-narcissism-here-comes-smear-campaign-0920174
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-bruises/202210/6-ways-deal-when-narcissist-calls-you-narcissist
      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2019/01/11-manipulation-and-sabotage-tactics-of-narcissists-sociopaths-psychopaths#1.-SMEAR-CAMPAIGNS .
      2. ↑ https://hackspirit.com/when-narcissist-cant-control/
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2017/03/5-ways-narcissists-smear-others
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/disorders/signs-a-narcissist-is-playing-games-and-why#recognizing-it
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2017/03/5-ways-narcissists-smear-others
      6. ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/how-to-divorce-a-narcissist.html

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