Narcissistic Collapse: What It Is & What It Looks Like

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The telling signs of a narcissist collapsing, and what to do about it
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When a narcissist’s grandiose persona is challenged, it can feel like their entire world is crumbling down. In psychology, this is known as narcissistic collapse . Narcissistic collapse is when a narcissist’s image is called out, leading to impulsivity, tantrums or outbursts, and extreme depression. We talked with Kelli Miller, a psychotherapist with over 10 years of experience, to learn more about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and what narcissistic collapse looks like. Whether you’re dealing with a narcissist or think you may be experiencing a narcissist collapse yourself, this article can help.

Things You Should Know

  • Narcissistic collapse happens when a narcissist’s grandiose image is called out, resulting in aggressive or depressive behavior.
  • Narcissistic collapse can be triggered by failure, criticism, or shame.
  • The leading signs of narcissistic collapse are impulsive behavior, depression, and enraged outbursts.
Section 1 of 6:

What is narcissistic collapse?

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    Those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) “put on a show” or inflate their egos to appear a certain way to people. When someone or something calls out, shames, or criticizes a narcissist’s fake or gaslighting behavior, it can cause intense emotions or reactions within the narcissist. [1] This can make them feel extremely vulnerable and self-conscious, as the false reality they’ve created collapses or falls apart around them.
    • As psychotherapist Kelli Miller explains, “[narcissists] present this grandiosity, which makes them feel safe, even though it’s like a false illusion…typically, narcissists are very insecure.”
    • Narcissistic collapse affects both the narcissist and those around them:
      • A narcissist may feel like their world is falling apart and question their self-worth.
      • Someone close to a narcissist may experience anxiety or fear after witnessing the narcissist’s behavior.
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Section 2 of 6:

Signs of Narcissistic Collapse

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    Not everyone experiences narcissistic collapse the same way. Depending on the situation, a narcissist may respond to their collapsing reputation with more aggressive or depressive behavior. Here are the most common signs, according to psychologists:
    • Impulsive behavior (like excessive spending or suddenly ending a relationship) [2]
    • Depression
    • Anxiety
    • Gaslighting (making others second-guess themselves or question reality) [3]
    • Mental breakdowns
    • Rage or angry outbursts
    • Self-harming behaviors
    • Accusatory behaviors (such as shaming or blaming others)
    • Stonewalling or withdrawing from conflict [4]
    • Suicidal thoughts or actions [5]
Section 3 of 6:

What causes narcissistic collapse?

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    For a narcissist's world to collapse, they need to be called out on their bluffs or fail. [6] Perhaps their relationship ends, or they lose their job because of gaslighting behavior or lack of listening skills. These circumstances threaten a narcissist’s perfect image and grandiose ego, causing them to question their sense of self.
    • While most psychologists acknowledge narcissistic collapse, it’s important to note that it has yet to be studied in detail. There’s no official diagnosis for narcissistic collapse.
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Section 4 of 6:

Examples of Narcissistic Collapse

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    In a romantic relationship, someone with NPD might experience narcissistic collapse if their partner catches them cheating and asks to break up. This can cause an outburst in behavior or severe depression.
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    If a parent with NPD, narcissistic collapse may be triggered by a child questioning their rules, dating someone they disapprove of, or refusing to eat a meal they made. This can result in the narcissistic parent threatening to disown their child or severely punishing them.
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    Narcissistic collapse can look like a tantrum at work. For instance, a supervisor with NPD might be triggered by getting told they're taking the company in the wrong direction or being called out during a team meeting. This can result in impulsive firings, bullying, and/or threats at other coworkers. [7]
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Section 5 of 6:

How do you protect yourself from a collapsed narcissist?

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    As Miller expresses, dealing with a narcissist can be challenging. Their sense of entitlement and outbursts can be extremely confusing and frustrating. Because of this, experts recommend removing yourself from the situation entirely (if you can). It’s best to leave a collapsing narcissist to handle their own emotions rather than wrap yourself up in them. So, set healthy boundaries to protect yourself and prioritize self-care . [8] This can look like:
    • Keeping personal information to yourself. [9]
    • Being honest about what bothers or upsets you.
    • Going for a walk or doing a dance workout. [10]
    • Getting enough sleep.
    • Journaling or engaging in another mindful activity.
    • Talking to a therapist.
Section 6 of 6:

How to Recover from Narcissistic Collapse

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    Recovering from narcissistic collapse can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. One of the best ways to regain your sense of self-worth is to identify yourself outside of other people’s opinions. In other words, who are you at your core? Identifying your self of sense outside of others, practicing empathy , and communicating effectively can help you build confidence and overcome narcissistic tendencies . [11]
    • Talk to a therapist or counselor if you feel like you’re experiencing narcissistic collapse or narcissistic tendencies. They’ll be able to provide personalized care to help you navigate your emotions and be authentically you.
    • Not sure if you’re a narcissist or have narcissistic tendencies? Take our “Am I a Narcissist or an Empath?” quiz to find out.
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8783517/
      2. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886920304694?via=ihub
      3. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-gaslighting/
      4. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/stonewalling-in-a-relationship
      5. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9742-narcissistic-personality-disorder
      6. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8783517/
      7. ↑ https://hbr.org/2021/01/stop-making-excuses-for-toxic-bosses
      8. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9742-narcissistic-personality-disorder
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/narcissism-demystified/202006/7-ways-set-boundaries-narcissists
      1. ↑ https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

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