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Dating can be complicated sometimes and you may find yourself in a situation where a girl has feelings for you that you don’t reciprocate. It can be hard to know exactly how to handle someone with a crush on you. You may not be interested in romance, but you may still want to be as polite as possible when letting her know how you feel.
Steps
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Try not to reciprocate any flirtatious behavior. If she has been making subtle hints about her feelings for you, you may be able to convey your disinterest through the way you respond to her actions.
- Unnecessary physical contact can be a demonstration of affection. Create physical distance between the two of you to prevent it from occurring. [1] X Research source
- Don't get too close. To avoid sending any mixed signals, make sure to maintain the physical distance you’ve created. [2] X Research source
- Avoid making prolonged eye contact if she attempts it. The longer you maintain eye contact with someone, the stronger they may interpret your interest to be. [3] X Research source
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Do not act jealous. When she mentions other guys, past or current relationships, or crushes, do not act jealous or question her choices. [4] X Research source
- Getting upset about her mentioning other guys will indicate to her that you may be jealous because you have feelings for her.
- If it bothers you that she brings up other guys, try to change the subject in a polite manner that won't give the wrong impression.
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Hint at your disinterest. If avoiding her flirtatious advances is not enough to let her know that you’re not interested, you may need to drop a few hints yourself. [5] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021. Remember to try to take her feelings into account in how you behave, however.- Don’t make effort toward spending time with her. While you may just want to spend some friendly time together, pursuing it could send the wrong signals. [6] X Research source
- Treat her like one of the guys. Treat her with the same respect and courtesy that you would treat your other friends, but don’t go out of your way to be particularly nice to her. Special treatment may lead her to believe you have feelings for her. [7] X Research source
- Mention other girls in a respectful manner. One way to hint that you aren’t interested is to bring up another girl that you are interested in. Be respectful in what you discuss, but it might serve to let her know that your interests lie elsewhere. [8] X Research source
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Use your body language. You need to make sure your body language doesn’t send the wrong message. By paying attention to how you position yourself, you can let your body do some of the talking.
- Cross your arms when standing and your legs while sitting. This position shows that you’re “closed off” and not looking to make an emotional connection. [9] X Research source
- Don’t point your feet directly at her while speaking. While you may not consciously realize it, pointing your feet at a person while you interact is a good indicator of interest. She may be picking up on such subtle cues subconsciously. [10] X Research source
- Position things between you and her. By standing on the opposite sides of furniture, fixtures, or even just holding something in your hands between the two of you, you can convey a message of disinterest. [11] X Research source
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Avoid contact with her. Spending a lot of time with someone is an excellent way to let them know that you have feelings for them. If you aren't interested in her, avoid situations where you two would be in contact.
- If you are in the same group of friends, make sure there is always someone else around when you're together.
- If you work together, try to avoid partnering up on tasks if possible and absolutely avoid social interaction outside of work.
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Lie to let her down easy . Depending on the situation, you may choose to address her interest by being dishonest. While lying is usually not a good choice, you may feel as though it’s the best way to avoid hurting her feelings. If you will continue to see her or have other social ties, being dishonest may not be advisable.
- Only lie if you really feel as though it’s the best way to convey your disinterest.
- Remember that it isn’t only what you say that matters, but the way you say it. Telling someone you have feelings for them can be scary, so be sensitive to how exposed she may feel. [12] X Research source
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Don’t blame an outside element. Be careful not to use explanations that could lead her on. If she is persistent, suggesting that there’s a finite reason you can’t be together could leave her feeling as though she should call you again after some time has passed.
- Saying things like, “I just went through a bad break up,” or “I’m not ready to date right now,” suggests that there is a timeline in which you may be available.
- Avoid excuses that have an expiration date. Saying that you’re very busy with school or work “right now” also insinuates that there could be potential for a relationship in the future.
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Be nice. If you are going to stretch the truth to let her know you’re not interested, do so in a positive way that is also clear and definitive. Use reasons that aren’t insulting or offensive to her.
- Be firm, if the person has a hard time hearing you say no, be firm and resolute in a friendly tone. [13]
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Expert Source
Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021. - If you are friends, say that you “don’t want to ruin your friendship” or something similar. Doing so can demonstrate that you do care about her, but not in a romantic way. [14] X Research source
- Tell her that you are in a committed relationship. It’s an easy way of explaining your way out of a situation that leaves no feelings hurt.
- Be firm, if the person has a hard time hearing you say no, be firm and resolute in a friendly tone. [13]
X
Expert Source
Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
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Tell her the truth. Honesty is always the best policy, and many times the politest way to make a girl leave you alone is to just be clear and direct with her. [15] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021. Use any knowledge you have about her to help guide what level of interaction your conversation may require. [16] X Research source- You may be able to simply tell her that you are not interested in a polite and friendly manner. Many people would appreciate your honesty.
- Some people may appreciate a more in-depth conversation. If she has expressed her feelings for you, it might help her to be able to discuss the situation a bit, as long as you’re comfortable. [17] X Research source
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Be direct. Don’t dance around the subject or prolong the conversation with unrelated topics. Be clear that you aren’t interested in her romantically. [18] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.- Don’t use language like, “I don’t think I can” or “I can’t” in your discussion. Passive language can make your motivations unclear and suggest that you may have wanted to pursue a relationship under other circumstances.
- It’s okay to mention that the conversation isn’t easy, that may even help her to feel better, but don’t do so in a manner that suggests you wish things could be different. Saying something like, “this isn’t easy for me to talk about” demonstrates that you care, without going too far. [19] X Research source
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Be polite. Just because you aren’t interested in her romantically does not mean she isn’t a person with feelings. Dating isn’t easy for many people and it may have been difficult for her to approach you to begin with.
- Be mindful of your tone of voice. You want to sound calm, friendly and sure, but don’t leave her with a false impression.
- Don’t become defensive if she gets upset. Try to understand where she’s coming from and what is upsetting her. [20] X Research source
- Don’t be dismissive of what she has to say. Treat her with the same courtesy that you would hope to be treated with.
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Be gracious. She clearly sees something positive in you, or she wouldn’t be interested in you romantically. That’s a significant compliment; don’t take it lightly.
- If she has expressed feelings for you or asked you out, tell her that you’re flattered by her interest.
- Be mindful of her feelings. Remain clear about your relationship, but friendly and pleasant in your demeanor.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you reject a girl without hurting her feelings?Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.Use your manners! Tell her something nice about herself or something positive that you've noticed about her.
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QuestionHow do I turn down a girl without being rude?Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.Be direct! There's nothing rude about setting boundaries for yourself. If a girl is flirting with you, making innuendos, or asking you out, tell her directly that you feel uncomfortable and that you'd like her to stop.
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References
- ↑ https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=RX_cAAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA13&dq=flirtatious+behavior&ots=DodXegwfTf&sig=_FnngoMCsbBbTn7TCvS_16eQOyE#v=onepage&q=flirtatious%20behavior&f=false
- ↑ https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=RX_cAAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA13&dq=flirtatious+behavior&ots=DodXegwfTf&sig=_FnngoMCsbBbTn7TCvS_16eQOyE#v=onepage&q=flirtatious%20behavior&f=false
- ↑ https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=RX_cAAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA13&dq=flirtatious+behavior&ots=DodXegwfTf&sig=_FnngoMCsbBbTn7TCvS_16eQOyE#v=onepage&q=flirtatious%20behavior&f=false
- ↑ http://www.vixendaily.com/love/signs-he-doesnt-like-you/
- ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ http://www.vixendaily.com/love/signs-he-doesnt-like-you/
- ↑ http://www.vixendaily.com/love/signs-he-doesnt-like-you/
- ↑ http://www.vixendaily.com/love/signs-he-doesnt-like-you/
- ↑ http://www.newsweek.com/career/6-body-language-mistakes-you-dont-know-youre-making
- ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/relationship-advice-and-romance/7472931/Body-language-how-to-tell-if-someone-likes-you.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/the-body-language-of-attraction_b_3673055.html
- ↑ https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/break-up/how-do-i-tell-someone-nicely-that-im-not-interested/#.Vw98B0cbj5k
- ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.thehealthsite.com/sexual-health/5-ways-to-tell-a-guy-you-are-not-interested-in-him-187370/
- ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/break-up/how-do-i-tell-someone-nicely-that-im-not-interested/#.Vw98B0cbj5k
- ↑ https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/break-up/how-do-i-tell-someone-nicely-that-im-not-interested/#.Vw98B0cbj5k
- ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/break-up/how-do-i-tell-someone-nicely-that-im-not-interested/#.Vw98B0cbj5k
- ↑ https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/break-up/how-do-i-tell-someone-nicely-that-im-not-interested/#.Vw98B0cbj5k
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