What is a Promise Ring and What Does it Symbolize?

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Plus, the difference between a promise and engagement ring
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Promise rings are an increasingly popular way to show your commitment in a relationship. We’ll explain what promise rings mean, how they’re different from engagement rings, their history, how to wear them, and how to choose and give one to the most important person in your life.

Promise Ring Definition

Promise rings symbolize your commitment, loyalty, and love to your partner. People often give promise rings to their significant other to show that they're serious about the relationship before (or even instead of) getting engaged.

Section 1 of 7:

What is a promise ring?

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  1. When someone gives another person a promise ring, it means they're devoted to that person and are demonstrating their commitment. What that commitment is, exactly, varies from couple to couple, but it usually means loyalty, honesty, exclusivity, gratitude, and a promise that the couple will have a long and prosperous future together. [1]
    • Sometimes, promise rings act as placeholder rings, standing in for an engagement ring until the couple is ready to take that step.
    • They also tell other people outside the relationship that you’re serious. You’re not just dating, but you’re not quite engaged.
    • Promise rings can also include acknowledgments of more complex aspects of a relationship, like shared finances or living together.
  2. Sometimes, promise rings mean that you’re saving your virginity for marriage. In these cases, they’re sometimes given by fathers to their daughters for religious reasons. [2] They might also be exchanged by couples as a promise that they’ll wait for marriage to have sex.
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Section 2 of 7:

Which finger does a promise ring go on?

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  1. There’s no “correct” answer here, and no real precedent. You might wear a promise ring on your left-hand ring finger, like you would a wedding or engagement ring, to tell other people that you’re taken. Or, you could wear it on any finger that’s comfortable or meaningful to you. However you want to express your love, that’s the right answer.
    • Wearing it on your right-hand ring finger is a great alternative if you want to signal that you’re taken, but not engaged or married.
  2. Like engagement rings, they’re often given to girls by their boyfriends. Many couples, though, exchange promise rings together, as a sign of their mutual love and devotion. Both men and women can give, accept, and wear them. [3]
  3. If a couple gets engaged, some people choose to stop wearing their promise ring, since an engagement ring fulfills the same purpose. Others move the promise ring to a different finger (if it was on the left-hand ring finger), continue to wear it, or use their promise ring as a wedding band. [4] It’s up to you, but it’s best to keep your promise ring around, as a sign of your lasting bond.
    • Some people wear old promise rings on chains as necklaces, or have their promise ring altered and transformed into an engagement ring by swapping the stones or adding bands.
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Section 3 of 7:

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  1. People give their partner an engagement ring to say, “I will marry you, if you want to marry me.” [5] Promise rings, on the other hand, are a bit lower-stakes, but no less meaningful. They tell your partner that you’re committed, even if you’re not totally ready for marriage.
    • Some couples intend to spend the rest of their lives together without getting married. They might give each other promise rings to seal their relationship.
    • You can give someone a promise ring even if you do intend to get married later. Think of it like another step in your relationship, before an engagement ring.
Section 4 of 7:

Choosing a Promise Ring

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  1. Plenty of people are fairly picky about what sort of jewelry they wear. Jewelry can be a fashion statement, after all. [6] Take a look at your partner’s jewelry, if they have any, and get an idea of what sort of style they tend to prefer. For example:
    • Do they like big, flashy stones? Or do they tend to stay away from stones altogether?
    • Do they like gold or silver more? Or maybe they like alternative metals.
    • Do they like understated, simple designs? Or do they go all-out with loud, showy designs?
  2. If you want the moment you give the ring to them to be as magical as possible, the ring should fit. You might ask your partner outright what their ring size is. Or, if you want to be more covert, ask a friend to ask them, or ask their parents. [7] Of course, you can always buy a ring and get it refitted later.
    • You could also find a ring your partner has left out, then trace the inside of the ring onto paper to find their ring size.
  3. Promise rings come in as many styles and shapes as any other ring. In fact, any ring could be a promise ring! You might choose a ring that’s been in the family for a while, or one that a friend made for you. If you’re shopping for one, though, you might choose a more specific design that you or your partner like. For example:
    • A simple band with a single stone is classic and elegant.
    • A double band can signify a committed couple.
    • An alternative stone (not a diamond) can have many meanings. For example, emeralds can signify foresight, while pearls can signify beauty. [8]
    • Birthstones, or the stone that corresponds with your partner’s birth month, are also common for promise rings.
    • A band that crosses over itself like an infinity symbol can mean eternal love.
    • Triple-stone rings can signify your past, present, and future as a couple.
    • A love knot ring is a simple and powerful symbol of your relationship.
    • You might choose to buy a simple band that can be added onto later when you propose or get married.
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Section 5 of 7:

How much should you spend on a promise ring?

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  1. Engagement rings are pricey—everyone knows that. [9] Because a promise ring is like a step below an engagement ring, people typically spend less money on one (say, about half as much). That said, the money doesn’t matter as much as your commitment and love. You might spend nothing on a promise ring (if it was an heirloom, for instance)—it’s still valid, and still counts.
    • Many jewelry companies advise going all-out on a promise ring, saying it’s “just as important.” This may be true, but keep in mind that they’re mostly just trying to get your money.
Section 6 of 7:

Giving a Promise Ring

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  1. Even though promise rings can mean a lot of things, they usually mean one thing in particular: commitment. Before you give one, make sure you’re committed, and make sure your partner is committed, too. Like an engagement ring, it’s still a big step, and you want to be sure it’s the right time to take that step. [10]
    • Promise rings aren’t something you give to just anyone you’ve been dating for a while. They’re what you give to the one .
  2. Just like with an engagement ring, you want to choose a moment that hits home all that your love means. [11] That might be on a fancy date , a dream vacation, or at a scenic place. Or, it might be much simpler, like on a romantic picnic , while watching the night sky, or even just during a cozy night at home.
    • Choose a moment that means something to you and your relationship. If you met at a certain restaurant, for example, you might choose to go back there to give them the promise ring.
  3. Because promise rings can mean different things to different couples, make it clear the promise you're making when you give the ring. [12] Say something like, “This ring is a symbol of my promise to love you forever, and to stay loyal,” or, “This ring shows that I’m taking the next step with you, and I hope one day I can take even bigger steps.”
    • Only give a promise ring if you intend to follow through on that promise!
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Section 7 of 7:

History of Promise Rings

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  1. Many cultures across time have had something like a promise ring! In Celtic traditions, Claddagh rings signaled that the wearer was partnered, if not married. [13] In the Middle Ages, French men gave their lovers “posy rings” as a token of their affection. [14] Over time, these kinds of rings evolved into what we know as “promise rings.”
    • Some say that starting in the 16th century, poor couples would offer each other humble “pre-engagement rings” as a placeholder until they could afford a proper wedding ring. [15]
    • Members of the Catholic Church’s clergy, like priests and bishops, often wear rings to signal their devotion to God and the Church. [16]

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      References

      1. ↑ https://4cs.gia.edu/en-us/blog/guide-to-promise-ring-meaning/
      2. ↑ https://www.providencejournal.com/story/lifestyle/2018/02/23/ask-amy-woman-wants-ring-to-become-virginity-protector/14151613007/
      3. ↑ https://4cs.gia.edu/en-us/blog/guide-to-promise-ring-meaning/
      4. ↑ https://4cs.gia.edu/en-us/blog/guide-to-promise-ring-meaning/#history
      5. ↑ https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2019/7/3/18758658/wedding-rings-engagement-performance-intimacy-history
      6. ↑ https://fashionjournal.com.au/fashion/choose-own-engagement-ring/
      7. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/buying-engagement-ring-avoid-mistakes
      8. ↑ https://www.gemsociety.org/article/history-legend-pearls-gems-yore/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/attraction-evolved/201810/how-much-should-you-spend-engagement-ring
      1. ↑ https://4cs.gia.edu/en-us/blog/guide-to-promise-ring-meaning/#history
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201809/what-is-the-best-way-to-propose
      3. ↑ https://4cs.gia.edu/en-us/blog/guide-to-promise-ring-meaning/#history
      4. ↑ https://blogsarchive.sites.haverford.edu/celticfringe/2017/02/03/love-and-stuff-the-claddagh-ring/
      5. ↑ https://4cs.gia.edu/en-us/blog/guide-to-promise-ring-meaning/#history
      6. ↑ http://www.engagementringshistory.com/engagement-ring-history/promise-ring-history/
      7. ↑ https://christian.net/resources/what-is-the-difference-between-a-pastor-ring-and-a-bishop-ring/

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