How to Prove to Your Boyfriend That You Can Change

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

When you make a mistake that hurts your partner, sometimes just apologizing isn’t enough. Showing that you’re willing and able to change your ways can help prove to your boyfriend that you really are sorry, and you don’t want to hurt him again. Read through this article to get some helpful tips on how you can communicate how sorry you are and how much you want your relationship to work.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

1

Address what the core problem is.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f5\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f5\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-1.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you think that you need to work on one thing but your boyfriend is actually upset about something else, you won’t be able to change your actions. Have a talk with your boyfriend to flesh out everything that he feels hurt about. Once you do that, you can work on making a change. [1]
    • Introduce the topic by saying something like, “Can we sit down and talk about what’s been happening the past few weeks? I just want to make sure we’re on the same page going forward.”
    2. Advertisement
2

Explain why you did what you did.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/cc\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/cc\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-2.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    For instance, if you lied to your boyfriend, maybe you were scared of hurting his feelings or making him angry. If you said something that hurt him, maybe you lashed out in anger because you were stressed. This doesn’t mean that it was okay (or right), but it shows that you understand what you did and why it was wrong. [2]
    • You might say something like, “Yesterday, I snapped at you because I was overwhelmed with work. It wasn’t okay, but I want you to know why I did it.”
    • For bigger things, like infidelity, you might have to spend a bit more time soul-searching. For instance, you might have cheated because you felt neglected, because you have low self-esteem, or because you were trying to hurt your partner.
3

Acknowledge that what you did was hurtful.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/55\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/55\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-3.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It can be easy to lash out in anger when you hear your partner talking about your mistakes. However, when you sit and chat with your boyfriend about what’s been going on, try to keep an open mind. Tell him that it’s okay to feel what he’s been feeling, even if it’s tough to do. [3]
    • You could say something like, “I understand why you feel that way. I’d probably feel the same if I were in your shoes.”
    2. Advertisement
4

Take responsibility for your actions.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/8c\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/8c\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-4.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    This will make your boyfriend feel like you’re really hearing him, and you’re not just saying what you think he wants to hear. When he tells you how he’s feeling, let him know that your actions are your own. [4]
    • You might say something like, “I definitely haven’t been making you a priority lately, and that’s not okay.”
    • Or, “I’m the one who messed up by ignoring you for a whole day. I shouldn’t have done that.”
5

Apologize sincerely.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/47\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/47\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-5.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you believe that you have something to apologize for, sit down with your boyfriend and tell him that you’re sorry. This is the first step to proving that you can change, because it shows that you’re acknowledging what you did was wrong. [5]
    • Say something like, “I’m really sorry that I haven’t made enough time for you lately. It wasn’t fair of me, and I’m sure it made you feel terrible.”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 372 wikiHow readers, and 60% of them agreed that the best way to show your partner that you’re committed to the relationship is to sincerely apologize and take responsibility for your actions. [Take Poll]
    2. Advertisement
6

Be aware of your mistakes going forward.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/66\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/66\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-6.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    As you go about your daily life, keep an eye on yourself, and try not to mess up in the same way that you have before. If you can do that, you’re on the path to bettering yourself, and your boyfriend will probably notice. [6]
    • For instance, maybe you’re trying to pay more attention to your boyfriend when he talks. If you catch yourself texting or getting on your phone during a conversation, say something like, “Sorry, that was rude of me. What were you saying?”
7

Tell your boyfriend that your relationship is important.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c6\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c6\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-7.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Before you start the process of changing, tell your boyfriend how much he means to you. Let him know that you’re going to do whatever it takes to make this relationship work. He might take some convincing, especially if you’ve said something like this before, but it’s always good to remind your partner how much you love them. [7]
    • Try something like, “I want to change to make this relationship work. You mean the world to me, and I don’t want to push you away.”
    2. Advertisement
8

Show your boyfriend that you love him.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a8\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a8\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-8.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you’re out at the grocery store, buy him a snack to show him you were thinking about him. If he’s had a bad day, cook him a nice meal so he can eat before he goes to sleep. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, but small gestures can help repair your relationship and bring the spark back. [8]
9

Keep communicating with your boyfriend.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/40\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/40\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-9.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Open communication is important for any successful relationship, but it’s especially important when you’re having issues. Sit down and talk with your boyfriend a lot to see how he’s feeling and if he’s been noticing any improvements. [9]
    • Say things like, “How are we doing today from your perspective?”
    • Or, “What could I be doing better?”
    2. Advertisement
10

Give your boyfriend space if he needs it.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/df\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/df\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-10.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If your boyfriend is still feeling hurt about something from the past, he might need to distance himself for a little bit. Let him have some space, and don’t pressure him to come back to you before he’s ready. [10]
    • If you two live together, one of you could go stay with a friend or family member for a few days before coming back refreshed and ready to talk.
11

Make improvements in your own life.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/d6\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d6\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-11.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Improving yourself looks different for everyone, and you might have to try a few things before you find what works. Overall, it’s important to address the underlying issue that caused the rift between you and your boyfriend in the first place. [11]
    • For example, maybe you get overly jealous and it takes a toll on your boyfriend. You might go to therapy to address your jealousy issues to see where they come from.
    • Or, if you’re under a lot of stress that causes you to lash out at your boyfriend, you might try doing stress-relieving activities, like meditation or yoga.
    2. Advertisement
12

Try couple’s counseling.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/82\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-12.jpg\/v4-460px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-12.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/82\/Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-12.jpg\/aid12817493-v4-728px-Prove-to-Your-Boyfriend-That-You-Can-Change-Step-12.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you’ve been trying to change and you don’t feel like your relationship is improving, make an appointment with a licensed couple’s counselor. They can offer an unbiased perspective about what’s been going on in your relationship. They can also tell you how to move forward and work on yourself in order to improve the situation. [12]
    • Even if you’re in traditional therapy on your own, couple’s counseling can still be helpful.

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Ask Someone if They Want to Have Sex
      How to
      Spoon Someone
      How to
      Moan
      How to
      Know when Your Girlfriend Doesn't Love You
      How to
      Kiss Your Partner's Neck
      20+ Ways to Tell If Someone Sincerely Loves You (Whether or Not They Say It)
      12+ Cute and Unique Ways to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend
      20 Ways to Make Any Guy Obsessed with You
      Does She Really Like You? 18 Ways to Tell (Backed by Psychology)
      How to
      Be Romantic on the Phone
      14 Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Like a True Princess
      How to
      Know if Your Girlfriend Wants to Have Sex With You
      25 Common Signs a Married Guy Is Into You
      How to Love an Overthinker
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
      2. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-say-sorry-and-mean-it
      3. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
      4. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201704/5-essential-steps-save-your-relationship
      6. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
      7. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201704/5-essential-steps-save-your-relationship
      9. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
      1. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/infidelity/art-20048424
      2. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/infidelity/art-20048424

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 34,705 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement