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Q&A for How to Accept the Fact Your Partner Is Not Intelligent
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QuestionWhat do you talk about with your boyfriend in a deep conversation?Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).Try to share your feelings, thoughts, and needs without coming from a dictating or controlling place. Work on having a better understanding of yourself, and definitely listen to your partner so you can understand them. Once you establish a healthy foundation without being angry or controlling, it'll be a lot easier to open up.
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QuestionIf I'm the unintelligent one in the relationship, do the same steps apply?Community AnswerYes, they do. If your partner is with you despite being more intelligent than you, then clearly you have plenty of other wonderful qualities that they love.
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QuestionHow do I find out if I am unintelligent?Jared StearnsCommunity AnswerFor starters, you can take an aptitude test, such as the SAT or ACT, to find out a baseline for how smart you are. However, intelligence can be measured in several different ways, such as emotional and social intelligence, so taking said test might not give you the full picture.
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QuestionI constantly have to push my partner before he can make any major moves or think out of the box. Sincerely I am tired of pushing him, because nothing seems to be changing. What should I do?Community AnswerWeigh how much he means to you to see if pushing him further would make you happier. If he isn't willing to make changes, especially ones that not only improve your relationship, but his own self as well, he might not be worth your time. In fact, you already seem to have a large inkling about what this is doing to you from the tone of your question; if he is holding you back because he holds back, remind yourself that life is fleeting and such people won't ever change but time does and you'll be old before you know and still not having done the things you wanted to achieve in life.
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QuestionWhat do you do if your partner doesn’t have any emotional intelligence? I ended a relationship with an autistic girl I really liked because she didn’t understand my feelings or boundaries.IsoldeTop AnswererPerhaps this girl just wasn't right for you, that's part of life and knowing one's own needs and preferences. You could try to encourage them to read books about developing emotional intelligence or even to take a course. However, take care with how you approach making this suggestion, to avoid making them feel bad or somehow "wrong." Be kind and also be aware of your own limitations emotionally because everyone has emotional imperfections. Maybe you could offer to read the same books together or do a course on increasing emotional intelligence together.
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QuestionMy partner is the male in a male/female partnership. He wants to make the decisions because he is the guy. I am tired of being second in "command" when I have more insight... Now what?IltrieloCommunity AnswerYou could try telling him that if you haven't already. He really shouldn't be trying to control the relationship just because he's male. Balance is very important in a relationship regardless of gender.
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