Q&A for How to Act Like You Didn't Fart

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Question

What do you do when you are at a sleepover and you both keep passing gas, but there's no one in the room?

Astrid Fischbach McLoughlin

Community Answer

Make it into a contest; whoever wins is the farting queen.

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Question

What should you do if this doesn't work?

Community Answer

Try another method, or come clean and be better prepared next time. Everybody farts!

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Question

What if people find out it was you?

Community Answer

Why should they? They'd have to be paying pretty close attention in most cases to single you out if you're being vigilant about how you pass gas. Most people will probably willing to forgive and forget, even if you are the prime suspect.

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Question

How can I convince people that I didn't fart when it was only my stomach growling?

Community Answer

Don't deny it over and over, as doing so makes you seem more obvious. If they are people that are bugging you about it, just shrug and say you think one of them did a fart.

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Question

What happens if it smells?

Community Answer

Try not to draw attention to yourself and casually deny it if anyone confronts you and tries to blame you for it. Don't specifically blame anyone else, because then it looks like you're trying to avoid blame.

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Question

What if someone knows it was me?

Community Answer

Tell them that it wasn't you, and if they keep saying that it was you, say your stomach is rumbling from hunger. Either that or fess up and laugh it off.

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Question

What do I do if I can't nail a poker face?

Community Answer

Just act completely natural, how your face would be if you were sleeping but with your eyes open. Relax all of your facial muscles rather than tensing them in an attempt to pull a straight face. If really necessary, practice in front of a mirror.

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Question

What if I fart and someone laughs at me?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

When you do fart loudly, social norms are broken, putting you--temporarily--outside the group. Less mature people will pounce at the opportunity to laugh at you. It allows them to single out a common 'enemy', which reinforces their feeling of belonging to a group. Of course, all this is very deep for a simple fart, so the conclusion is: if someone laughs, shrug it off; it will pass as the air clears up.

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Question

What happens if I need to go when in class but my teacher won't let me out?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

There really are just two options: either you hold it in until the end of class, or you go to the bathroom. Regardless of whether you have permission, regardless of any consequences, if you really feel like it's coming right now, get to the bathroom.

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Question

How do I act like I didn't fart if it smells?

Community Answer

Just act casually. If you’re in a larger group of people, hold your nose and look around in a disgusted way. It won’t be long until the smell hits them too. Remember, showing signs of panic just gives it away.

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Question

What if I farted while my teacher was behind me?

Community Answer

Pretend like nothing happened. Even if she knows it was you, it's very unlikely she'd call you out in front of all the other students.

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Question

What is the next step if say, you passed gas but more than air come out?

Community Answer

You should say excuse me, but I have to use the bathroom, then run to the bathroom. It happens to everyone at some time, just act normal and others will be obliged to treat it as natural too.

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Question

Was George Carlin correct when he said, “If two guys are in an elevator and one guy farts, everyone knows who did it”?

Community Answer

Yes. Because if you're in an elevator and you pass gas, the other guy will know that it was you, because he knows he didn't do it, so who else would there be to fart?

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