Q&A for How to Act when Someone is Stealing Your Friend

Well, you should try to talk it out! Your first instinct is probably going to be to make a statement that's critical or somewhat slightly accusatory, but it's a better starting point to start with your own feelings. Always talk about how you're feeling with the situation, without putting your friend (or the one stealing them) against the wall.

Make an effort to expand your friendship group so that you can think of this situation as adding on rather than being excluded. Just because someone you're friends with is friends with someone else doesn't mean you're necessarily losing a friend. It might be that you're just adding another friend into your network.

One term for someone who does this is a “friend thief.” Some people simply call someone who acts this way a “friend stealer.”

In a toxic friendship, you may feel that you have a very unbalanced relationship. For example, your friend may constantly demand favors, but never do anything for you in return. They might also act disrespectful (e.g., putting you down or saying mean things about you behind your back), cross your boundaries repeatedly, or act very clingy or possessive.

A jealous friend might put you down a lot, hoping it’ll make them feel better about themselves. They might also keep trying to one-up you or bragging about their own life so that you’ll feel jealous of them. If they’re jealous of your other friendships, they might act controlling or possessive, or demand to know who you’ve been hanging out with. They might also be rude to your other friends or talk badly about them to discourage you from spending time with them.

Move on. People who actually want you in their lives wouldn't put themselves in a position to lose you. Maybe the group feels threatened by you because of your skills and talents, so they'd rather not be a around you because they feel inadequate. Don't just rely on the group; be in a position that if you have no friends, you are still all right.

If that's the case, they may not mean well for your friend either. Try talking to your friend. It will probably be difficult to convince them that this new friend isn't the best for them, so be patient.

Be patient with them, and try suggesting a compromise. Get to know their new friend, and see things from their point of view. If your friend takes his or her side to the point of being rude, remember your greatest moments, and remind her/him of them too.

Be honest with her. Say if she can't allow you to have other friends, you shouldn't be friends at all. A friend isn't a friend if she's acting this way.

Talk to your friend about how you feel about the situation in private. Hopefully, she will take how you feel well, and look at the situation from your point of view. The bottom line is that if she wants to keep you in her life, she will make sure you are still in it. If she doesn't, you may want to think about why you want her in your life.

Find time to talk with your friend. Calmly talk to her about the changes you've noticed. Don't get angry or accuse her of anything. Tell her you miss her and remind her of the good times you've had together. Try to spend more time together and strengthen the friendship.

If your best friend turns against you, then she wasn't a very good friend in the first place. Have a talk with her and tell her you're concerned. Tell these people that you know what they're trying to do, and it isn't going to work. If they continue bothering you, tell a teacher or another adult that they're bullying you.

Tell the girl to leave you alone.

Maybe you are a little bit jealous. I think you're putting all your eggs in one basket. You're making this friend your whole world. You should try making friends with other people too, and you should also learn to have fun while alone.

Ask everyone why the are excluding you. However, be sure to brace yourself for their answers.

Ask her to schedule some one-on-one time because you'd like to talk to her.

Do not kill them. Instead, maybe take them aside and talk to them in private about your feelings. If you can't do that, maybe talk to your best friend about it.

Be aware that you will make friends who prefer to stick with you. Regarding your sister, don't mind her. Forgive and look at her situation with compassion. She may not be satisfied with her friends and be jealous of your easy ability to make friends.

Go and get new, better, more popular friends and make her jealous. Make it seem like you're too good for her.

You should not have to talk to the person who is stealing your friend. You should talk to your friend about how you feel like she is drifting away from you and making new best friends.

Make some new friends for yourself, or involve yourself in your studies, hobbies, interests, etc. Take your mind off the situation and it will probably resolve itself. If your friend doesn't come back to you, they weren't a very good friend in the first place.

Confront her and tell her how you feel about the way she's acting. If she continues to gossip and act rude, tell her you don't want to be friends anymore. It sounds like her new friend is a bad influence on her, and it might be best to just keep your distance.

Sit down and talk. Let her know that you feel like she's not really making time for you anymore, and you miss her. Don't get angry or accuse her of anything, just tell her how you truly feel. It's okay for her to have other friends, but she shouldn't be neglecting the friendships she already has. If you'd like to hang out with the popular group too, ask her if she'd be willing to invite you along sometime.

Talk to her and try to find out what's going on. Maybe you're misunderstanding her. Try approaching her and saying something like, "Did I do something to offend you? It seems like you don't like me very much and I'm not sure why." See how that conversation goes, and then maybe say something to your friend about your concerns. If she's a good friend, no one can "steal" her away from you.

That was really thoughtful of you to reach out to her like that. Remember that she is in the wrong, not you. Talk to her about it, ask if she realizes she's hurting your feelings. She may just want to get to know some more people. If she didn't realize, prompt an apology and get back on track. If, however, she is taking advantage of you, talk to one of your other friends about how this person makes you feel. Try to do something with your friends, and purposefully leave the new friend out. Maybe then she will see that she is not affecting your other friendships. If she is really horrible to you, just avoid her completely.

Just be honest. If she is truly your friend, she will understand how you feel. Say that you feel left out and just make sure you two are on the same page.

Move on, and make new friends. Do not dwell on trying to make someone your friend if they do not want to.

You should calmly talk to both your friends and not overreact. They are probably not trying to hurt you. Just say nicely that this is hurting your feelings. This may be hard to adjust to, but you three could all hang out together and all be best friends, and sometimes you can hang out alone with your best friend.

For starters, don't judge someone. If he is really bad, his habits and words will tell it to everyone. Does he know you spoke ill of him? If he does, and you're being left out intentionally as a result, apologize.

Talk to a teacher or an adult to help.