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Why is it so hard to trust in a relationship?

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Trust is tricky because it's not a destination; instead, it's an active process that we engage in. It's not set in stone; instead, it's an ongoing piece of clay that you're molding with another person.

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Question

How do I make sure my boyfriend isn't cheating?

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Take a close look at your relationship in the short term. Have there been any signs indicating that your boyfriend is lying? When you ask your boyfriend something, is he open and willing to explain what's going on? Do your best to communicate with your BF instead of jumping to any conclusions.

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Question

What is one of the most effective ways to build trust?

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Give it time! Your trust is going to increase when your partner is reliable and provides consistent answers over time.

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Question

I saw my partner having sex in a car in my driveway. What would be the problem if I was to find someone to have sex with me now?

CMOsborne

Community Answer

Seeking to "get even" with your cheating partner won't benefit your relationship, and isn't likely to make you feel any better either. You'll have to decide if this cheating episode is something you want to try to work through, or whether you need to break off the relationship.

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Why is this article even more useless than the barely comprehensible ones that read as though they're translated from Russian via Afrikaans and Korean?

CMOsborne

Community Answer

Relationship articles are tricky to write! Feel free to take a stab at improving the article!

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I'm in a long distance relationship. how do i know whether or not he's cheating or done with me? Why is it so awkward on video chat?

CMOsborne

Community Answer

Video chats may feel awkward if you're not used to communicating that way, or it's possible it could be a sign of some deeper relationship issues. Talk openly with your partner about how you're feeling, and figure out your next steps from there.

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Question

What if none of them work?

CMOsborne

Community Answer

Seek out the help of a professional therapist. They can help you develop strategies for identifying and reframing your worrisome thoughts. They can also give you advice on managing your relationship in general.

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Question

Can you get anxiety from being cheated on?

Drew Hawkins1

Community Answer

Of course you can. If someone betrayed your trust, it's totally normal to feel upset and anxious about it. If you do feel anxious about what happened, try to avoid slipping into paranoia, which will only make you even more worried and could cause you to get upset or angry. Instead, focus on feeling confident in yourself. If you can't go over being cheated on, you may want to end the relationship so you don't continue to feel anxious and upset about it.

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Question

How do you deal with a suspicion of cheating?

Drew Hawkins1

Community Answer

If you're worried about your partner cheating on you, instead of being upset or obsessing over it, try working on building and improving your relationship with them. Show them that you're interested in them and you care about them by listening to them and spending time together. Try to have fun and laugh together to build unity and trust. Don't keep secrets; be open and honest with each other. If you have a relationship built on communication, there won't be any secrets to hide. The closer the two of you are, the less likely either one of you will want to cheat.

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Question

Can you truly forgive someone for cheating?

Drew Hawkins1

Community Answer

Once someone breaks your trust, it can be really difficult to rebuild it. But, it's not impossible. If you really love them, you can try to talk through your problems and try to reconcile. It may be helpful to seek couple's counseling as well to have a professional mediate your conversations. If you're able to communicate about what happened and work through it, you can repair your relationship, perhaps make it even stronger than it was before. However, if you're unable to let go of it, you may want to end the relationship so both of you can move on.

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