Q&A for How to Be Less Annoyed With People

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  • Question
    How can I avoid letting people get to me?
    Nicolette Tura, MA
    Empowerment Coach
    Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through her work, Nicolette helps high achievers discover their true potential and grow personally. She recently founded the non-profit Celestial Wellness Network and started a musical project, The Feather and Stone. With over ten years of experience in nonprofit leadership and running her own wellness business, Nicolette combines her background in psychology, mindfulness, and psychophysiology to create profound change. Nicolette has hands-on experience as a Therapy Associate, and has worked with patients recovering from neurological disorders. She offers one-on-one coaching tailored to each client's needs, with options for short-term, transformative engagements. Her personalized coaching sessions help individuals break free from self-limiting beliefs and achieve their goals. She completed a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University.
    Empowerment Coach
    Expert Answer
    Try not to take things personally. Often times, other people project how they're feeling onto you. When a situation arises in which a person is pressuring you, making you do something that you're not comfortable with, or making you question yourself, take a few breaths. Check in with yourself to see what you need in that moment, and let that person know that you need some space.
  • Question
    How can I stop being so angry at my friends?
    Community Answer
    Start by thinking of the good things they have done for you. If you're having an irritable day, tell them, "I need a little space today, I am very stressed out." That usually does the trick. If it doesn't work, then think of a relaxing place, take deep breaths, count backwards from 50, and imagine you're talking to someone very important (like a boss, teacher, co-worker, etc.) who you wouldn't dream of disrespecting. This may help you to treat your friends more considerately when you're in such a mood.
  • Question
    How can I set realistic expectations of others?
    Community Answer
    First, think carefully about the height of your expectations. Are you being unreasonable? If you have high standards, then you will expect high standards for others and may be annoyed when other people can't or won't attempt to reach them. However, that doesn't necessarily mean you should lower your expectations or standards. It may be better to build relationships with people who are on the same wavelength as you and share similar worldviews.
  • Question
    What else can I do aside from counting to ten and taking a deep breath?
    Community Answer
    Think happy thoughts, listen to relaxing music, talk to someone, journal your feelings, go out into a secluded area (where theres no way you could disturb others) and scream, and take a walk, take in nature.
  • Question
    How do I just stop trying to change people?
    Community Answer
    Look in the mirror first, as the only person you can actually change is yourself. Work on you, rather than trying to work on other people all the time. Relax, take a breath, and try to let go of 'them'. If someone else's behaviour is having a truly distressing effect on your life, then walk away from them altogether. No one needs to live in misery. Just be sure to look in the mirror first.
  • Question
    How can I be less annoyed with my friend's competitiveness?
    Community Answer
    First, start by asking yourself why her competitiveness bothers you. Do you feel the need to compete with her? If not, then take a deep breath and tell yourself, "I am not in competition with my friend or anyone else. Her actions and attitudes have no affect on me or my life right now." And let it go. Do this as many times as you need to.
  • Question
    What do I do if the people who are annoying me keep on annoying me after I take these steps?
    Community Answer
    Just walk away. If they follow you, take deep breaths, count backwards from 50, and put in some earbuds and listen to music (favorite songs, relaxing music, etc.). Basically, put yourself in your own little world.
  • Question
    How can I control my anger issues when talking to certain people?
    Community Answer
    Count to 10 in your head and take deep breaths. Tell the person you are talking to that you cannot talk to them at the moment, and try to get away as fast as possible. Once you cool off, return to the person, apologize, and try to continue the conversation.
  • Question
    What can I do if my spouse is chronically annoyed with me?
    Community Answer
    First, try and work out what is causing them to be annoyed. Is it something you are doing, are they they are having a hard time at work, or are they unwell? While you are trying to work this out, take a soft approach in your dealings with your spouse. Watch your tone, stay as sweet, calm, and pleasant as you can. Remain steady and amenable in everything you do. If your spouse is snapping and snarling, try not to snap back. Instead, respond neutrally, walk away, and take some calming breaths.
  • Question
    How do I make loud and annoying people at soccer games be quiet?
    Community Answer
    Politely ask them to stop, and if they don't, go to someone with authority, and tell them that a person at this game is disturbing your experience. That should do the trick.
  • Question
    What can I do if I am trying to sleep, and someone is loud and won't stop no matter how often I ask her to?
    Community Answer
    Get earmuffs or ear plugs -- something that will tune out the outside world.
  • Question
    How can I make a girl who always annoys me realize what she's doing?
    Community Answer
    Just talk to her. Tell her that what she is doing is annoying, and if she continues, just stop going to places she hangs out, talk about things she doesn't like, and when she tries to talk to you, pretend you are listening to music. Basically shut her out if she continues to irritate you when you told her to stop, but ALWAYS talk first.
  • Question
    What if I am very annoyed with my family?
    Community Answer
    Go for a walk. Fresh air and time to have peace of mind will help you think things through.
  • Question
    How do I not get annoyed with my friends if they are talking to me while I'm in my own world?
    Community Answer
    Politely ask them to stop, or tell them you don't feel like talking. They should respect your boundaries.
  • Question
    What can I do if I am upset due to how people are looking at me?
    Community Answer
    Don't make assumptions about how people feel based on the way they look at you. If you are concerned, ask them what is wrong.
  • Question
    How do I deal with people who are bullies?
    Community Answer
    Calmly ignore them. If you ignore them long enough, they will get bored of you and leave you alone. If they don't stop, get up and walk to the nearest adult. If it's physical bullying, then don't fight back, that will only get you in trouble. Do your best to dodge their attacks and then tell a teacher. If the teacher doesn't do anything, find another adult.
  • Question
    What do I do if all my friends keep saying I'm too easily annoyed with everything and oversensitive?
    Community Answer
    Well, are they right? If all you're friends are saying this, it could very well be true. If that's the case, consider why it is that you're too easily annoyed? Do you expect everything to always go your way? Do you constantly need to be the center of attention? Are your feelings hurt too easily because you have a hard time taking a lighthearted joke? Believe it or not, you can work on these things.
  • Question
    How do I get past my annoyance of heavy breathing and lip smacking?
    Community Answer
    Look at something beautiful and turn away. Get far away from the irritating scenario.
  • Question
    How can I keep a straight face when I am annoyed?
    Community Answer
    Think happy thoughts. This won't matter in the future, so don't let it bother you.
  • Question
    What if I'm living with a control freak who thinks I have no right to privacy?
    Community Answer
    Get a lock for your personal items and bedroom. Tell them bluntly that you need your own space and privacy.
  • Question
    My brother keeps mocking me in a rude way, and it always hurts my feelings. Is there any way I could tell him nicely to stop?
    Community Answer
    Say this, "[His name], can you please stop mocking me? It's not nice, and it hurts my feelings." If he doesn't stop, ask an adult to get involved.
  • Question
    How can I become more patient with people and their actions?
    Community Answer
    Pretend that it's someone important or someone who requires utmost respect.
  • Question
    How can I not take my golf performance too seriously?
    Community Answer
    There are some great overall tips in the wikiHow article, Lighten Up .
  • Question
    What do I do with a real mean girl in high school?
    Community Answer
    You need to talk to a trusted adult immediately, because bullying is not tolerated. They can help you solve this problem.
  • Question
    How do I prevent myself from snapping at someone before I can calm down?
    Community Answer
    You could simply walk away from the place, pretending that you suddenly remembered some important work of yours. That should give you the space and time for calming down before reacting.
  • Question
    What do I do if I am autistic and I don't realize I am even annoyed until I have had a melt down and hurt someone's feelings in the process?
    Community Answer
    After you have a meltdown, make a list of any warning symptoms you might have noticed (and that you might have ignored at the time). This will help you recognize these symptoms of annoyance in the future. You can also write down what triggered your meltdown so that you can be more aware next time. A written list can be helpful in reminding you about a past experience, and reading it can bring you back into the current moment.
  • Question
    I am super annoyed when someone tells me what to do. Is it a psychological issue within me that needs to be resolved? How can I deal with someone who constantly tells me what to do?
    Community Answer
    When you get annoyed like this, remember to breathe. Calm down and think about if this person really knows and is telling you what to do for your own good, like your parents telling you not to do something. If the person is someone who has no authority to tell you what to do, calmly thank them for their input and tell them you're going to do things your own way.
  • Question
    I'm autistic. People tell me that I'm annoying. Why is this okay, but it's not okay for me to express my annoyance with others?
    Community Answer
    It's not really right for anyone to call anyone annoying. Tell your friends that they're hurting your feelings when they say this, and ask them to stop. If you feel comfortable, explain that you're autistic and that you can't really help certain things, like stimming, etc. But remember, two wrongs don't make a right, so you shouldn't go around telling people they're annoying just because someone has said it to you.
  • Question
    How do I show my sibling the truth about their friends?
    Community Answer
    If you know some facts, you can try to tell them. You will probably be seen as the bad person. You can also let your sibling figure it out themselves, and be there when they need it. You could also try to set something up which will reveal the truth, but this can backfire you if they find out you set it up.
  • Question
    What can I do when I need a lot of space? Sometimes peoples' mere existence bothers me.
    Community Answer
    You could try moving to a remote wilderness like Alaska, or perhaps work a lone night shift where you sleep during the day, thus avoiding people. Consider work-from-home jobs, which will allow you the solitude you need.
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