Q&A for How to Be Stoic

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  • Question
    How do you rationalize a break up?
    Seth Hall
    Life Coach
    Seth T. Hall (ICF ACC, CLC, and MNLP) is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”.
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    In personal relationships, being stoic can help you rationalize and have the ability to not be attached to things outside of your control. Assume control over your emotions and listen to the other person.
  • Question
    I've started doing everything the article said but people constantly ask if I'm "okay." Do I respond with yes, or what? I want to keep the stoic thing a secret.
    Community Answer
    No reason to keep stoicism a secret. Be honest and forthright. Stoicism isn't meant to make you appear grumpy or sad, or emotionally dead inside. It's meant to give you inner strength, self reliance, and independence from the need to be emotionally validated by others, because you're now able to emotionally validate yourself. It's possible people are noticing a change in your behavior, and are just checking in. If that's the case, be appreciative of their concern, let them know that you're alright, and further let them know that you have inner strength to spare if they happen to need support.
  • Question
    I've had suicidal thoughts for the past month, should I act stoic or get help?
    Community Answer
    Please get help. If you or anyone you know are having unpleasant or suicidal thoughts, please seek help from parents/guardians, counselors/mental health professionals, or others. Nothing good comes from keeping bad feelings in.
  • Question
    How often can stoics enjoy entertainment? Should give up all that, and focus on real and intellectual things?
    Gamer Animalz
    Community Answer
    No. You need entertainment at times, as focusing on real and intellectual things can bore your mind. If you want you can still watch anything you want and keep it to yourself. Stoicism is a way to act around people -- not a way to act around what you enjoy.
  • Question
    Can I be Christian and Stoic same time?
    Jo W
    Community Answer
    Yes. Consider the deeper philosophy of both. They are not opposite. Don't get into useless arguments, stay calm and kind, don't worry about world events you can't control (they are in God's hands is what you can say if you are Christian). Don't let your thoughts run riot, look up rather than being dismayed at the things all around you, and seek the fruits of the Spirit, which includes peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, humility and self control.
  • Question
    How can I prevent myself from crying after a family member insults me harshly?
    Community Answer
    Keep breathing, don't hold your breath, as that could cause you to burst into tears. Leave the room if you can. Try to think positive thoughts or distract yourself.
  • Question
    If you're getting teased by a person who isn't your friend, is stoicism the answer?
    Community Answer
    It could be a good approach. The person teasing you may get bored and move on if you're not reacting at all.
  • Question
    How do I not stress out when being stoic?
    Community Answer
    It's okay to feel anxious sometimes; we all do! A good way to overcome it, even though it might be a bit cliche, is to just sit down, take a few deep breaths, and focus on how to solve the problem logically and rationally. Soon all this will come naturally, as I have found that being stoic reduces the amount of stress I feel.
  • Question
    How do I gradually become stoic without anybody becoming suspicious? I don't want anybody to misinterpret/misread me, especially since I can be loud at school.
    Community Answer
    Having a stoic appearance will naturally take time. These things don't happen overnight, it's a slow process even if you're trying your hardest, so don't worry about whether or not people will notice. And if someone does happen to wonder why you may be different, inform them on the philosophy. There's no reason to hide it.
  • Question
    Can stoicism be incorporated into fundamental Christian beliefs and practices? I'm considering stoicism, but I'm a Fundamental Baptist.
    Chuck Brecher
    Community Answer
    The Bible does not mention anything about keeping our emotions inside, hiding them, or denying them. We have emotions for a reason, and we are to express them in an appropriate, Biblical way. Look in the Gospels for how Jesus expressed his emotions. As followers of Jesus Christ, we are to follow His example.
  • Question
    How do I be stoic when I find it hard being myself?
    Community Answer
    List your personal strengths and weaknesses. Be honest with yourself. Keep it somewhere where you can reflect on it daily. Be grateful for your strengths, and set goals to overcome weaknesses. Seek help from those you trust.
  • Question
    Is it okay to act stoic if I'm a child?
    Community Answer
    Yes and no. You choose how to act. Do not act for the sake of how you will be perceived. You will not grow or become better by just pretending. Before spending the energy towards manifesting an action ask yourself: What is the purpose for that action, what do I want to achieve by doing it? Based on the initial motivation behind your act, you can asses it afterwards and learn what you did wrong or good towards that goal.
  • Question
    How do I stay stoic when getting a detention at school?
    Community Answer
    Be more respectful of others and think calmly about why and how the detention came about. Try not to judge yourself or others, but reflect on how you can change your thinking or your actions to avoid detention and other unnecessary trouble in the future.
  • Question
    Someone insulting me is one thing, but what if someone hits me?
    Donagan
    Top Answerer
    A true stoic will not react to being hit -- other than to consider removing the hitter from his/her life.
  • Question
    If you’re able to be Stoic, would this mean that you also accept imperfections too and be humble at the same time?
    Torpi
    Top Answerer
    Yes, humility is definitely part of stoicism. While a stoic strives to improve themselves (Aurielius's Meditations was an exercise in self-improvement - he never meant for it to be published), they can also accept and learn to work with flaws that cannot be changed.
  • Question
    How do i react when someone says a really funny thing?
    Torpi
    Top Answerer
    It's okay to laugh! Stoicism is not about pushing away your emotions. But accept that the funny moment will not last forever - don't try to prolong the joke by repeating the punchline until it loses all effect.
  • Question
    I still hold grudges to the people who treated me unfairly, and regret the events which have caused loss to me. How do I apply Stoicism to the past events in my life that I cannot accept?
    Community Answer
    Try to reflect on the things that followed. Maybe you've become stronger after what happened. Maybe you've gained a skill. Those people are not important anymore but the lessons they taught you are. Forgive them and forget about those people.
  • Question
    I have a hard time being myself, will being stoic help with that? Part of that is a small amount of identity crisis, I don't really know how I want to act or am supposed to act.
    Community Answer
    Even without knowing yourself completely, what you have to know is that you will always defend yourself. Whoever you are, fight for yourself. Speak your mind and don't seek for others to approve your views. To know how you should act, analyse your feelings to understand what is just and unjust. Read about great people and their biography to know how they reacted when faced with adversity.
  • Question
    Does being a stoic mean the person does not talk/share about themselves?
    Community Answer
    Stoics don't express pain and mostly stay indifferent to feelings. Sharing about experiences is a totally different side to a stoic's personality and they can choose to talk and share.
  • Question
    How can I become stoic when I am very sensitive?
    Community Answer
    Being stoic requires you to react less, talk less, express less in every way. If you feel like tearing up or crying, do something that will take your mind off crying, like singing, pinching your thumb, counting numbers, etc. You will get a hang of it.
  • Question
    How often should I engage with people? If I'm in a group chat and my friend posts something funny or weird, do I react or just leave it with no response? How much should I answer direct messages?
    Jake Hughes
    Community Answer
    Your best option would be to leave it with no response or check the message because it could distract you. However, if it is important, then check it instantly. You can later answer those you feel need to be attended to or need further response and action.
  • Question
    My girlfriend and I took a break and they dated other men. How can I apply stoicism to this and move on?
    Jake Hughes
    Community Answer
    This is something you cannot control, as they did it when you were taking a break. If anything, it's nothing worth worrying about, and in terms of moving on, try to calmly talk to them about the next steps.
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