Q&A for How to Be a Good Big Sister

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How can I improve my relationship with my siblings?

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)

Expert Answer

You can improve your relationship with your siblings by practicing kindness, stopping name-calling, and speaking to your siblings with respect. Do fun activities together, team up and work towards a common goal such as playing in a band. You can also bond with each other through humor such as practicing jokes or watching comedy shows together. There is an unspoken sibling code, you always have each other’s backs, never tell on them, unless they might get hurt or are in danger. Doing the above mentioned can improve your sibling relationship and increase the chance to become lifelong friends.

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Question

If I'm grumpy, should I go hang out with my sister or stay away?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Try explaining that you're grumpy, and telling your sister what you need to cheer up. If you want to be alone for a while, just say so! But don't make her feel like it's her fault that you're grumpy. Say something like, "I'm having a bad day and I'm not in a great mood. It's not you. I need some time to myself for awhile, but tomorrow we can do something together."

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Question

How do you say sorry when you want to be sorry? My sister and I don't have a good relationship and I really want to fix that. I always feel like a bully around her.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Saying you're sorry and changing your behavior to really show that you're sorry are two different things. It's great to apologize verbally, but follow it up by treating your sister better. First, do your best to stop bullying her. Use kind words, even when she lashes out at you. Do nice things for her, even when she doesn't appreciate it. It may take some time for your sister to realize that you want to fix the relationship, but it will have to start with you. When she does start to notice, your relationship will slowly begin to improve.

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Question

What if they are rude to you?

Community Answer

Focus on what you can control. Even if they are rude, be kind to them. Consider having a talk with them about their attitude and tell them that you want to improve your relationship.

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Question

What should I do if I get in trouble for something my sibling has done?

Community Answer

Talk to your parents about the issue. You can even talk to your sibling to see if they will confess so that you don't take the blame for them.

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