Q&A for How to Catch Your Cheating Spouse

Finding out your partner has cheated can be a devastating and traumatizing experience that can leave you feeling betrayed, angry, and damaged. Here are a few tips on how to approach your partner. Ask them to explain themselves and why they betrayed your trust. Take a moment not to respond so your partner has a chance to explain their actions. Truly listen and do everything you can to stay calm. Express your feelings by stating directly how and why you feel hurt. Decide if trust can be rebuilt or to end the relationship. If you feel strongly that the trust is broken forever, sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away.

I would divorce your spouse if they're regularly cheating on you. A one-time event could possibly be forgiven depending on the circumstances, but a regular pattern of behavior indicates a complete lack of respect and care for you. That's not the kind of person you should stay married to.

This does not always indicate cheating, as many people put their phone off for work, church, etc. Typically, you want to look for the change in behaviour. So if the phone is suddenly always on silent, that is something to look at more closely. Look for telltale signs such as placing the phone face down when not in use, or taking it with them when they leave a common area rather than leaving it out. Overall, look for changes in phone behaviour and increased vigilance in securing their phone.

Defensive answers are exactly what they sound like. A good defense. People tend to use these when they don't want to admit something. Another thing he might say is "Why would you think I would do that?" This doesn't for sure mean he is cheating, but it could be him trying to guilt you into giving up. What you should do is to take notice of the continued defense and treat it as a very big indicator in your basket of indicators that he is up to something he doesn't want to tell you about.

Seek counseling alone or together to work on your issues.

It's possible, but there are many other reasons for this behavior besides cheating. Instead of jumping to conclusions, sit down with him and tell him that you've noticed strange behavior with his phone. This will give him a chance to explain himself before you accuse him of cheating.

Your suspicions likely have some foundation; there are always little giveaway signs that a spouse picks up on but often refuses to acknowledge out of love and/or denial. You may not want to know what to do because you'd rather things stayed the same but that just gives him the space to keep on doing the wrong thing if he is cheating. Be guided by your discomfort and your worry that the love isn't as bonding as it should be; if you focus on the quality of the love your husband is showing back to you, you'll know what to do.

Ask for the content of the messages. If he/she doesn't want you to know or see, it should definitely raise some red flags. Keep monitoring until you feel satisfied with your information, or it could just be spam.

Yes. At first, my husband's infidelity excited him. We had sex more often. As his affair went from weeks to months, however, his desire for me became practically nonexistent.

Most likely no. If your partner was abused she may be experiencing flashbacks or other issues causing her to have a lowered libido or loss of interest in sex. Talk to her about it without assuming the worst. She needs support, not assumptions.

You're not a "stalker," but you may be violating your partner's trust depending on how comfortable they have been in the past with you looking at their phone. You should start by talking to your partner and asking them about your suspicions before you start snooping around.

This may indicate cheating but may also indicate a medical or psychological issue. The key is to try simply getting close in a non-sexual way. If these advances are also shoved off, recommend counseling. If the spouse is against this or even talking about the cessation in sexual activity, you may want to implement the other suggestions in investigating activities outside of the home.

No, not necessarily, but that is definitely a sign that she is not happy with your relationship's love making department, and if you do not take heed to her warning, she very well may go elsewhere to fill the void which your lack of attentiveness has caused.

It is not uncommon. He may be feeling guilty and trying to hide his infidelity, or the affair may be causing his sex drive to temporarily rise.

It's possible, especially if they are lying about where they were or who they were with at a certain time, but you should never jump to that conclusion based on a single instance of lying. Talk with your partner about the behavior first.

Don't. Find some other type of evidence. Women's panties are commonly dirty from their regular discharge, and investigating them is gross.

It could mean a lot of things, but it does sound odd. It's possible that he wants to keep all of his work-related calls separate from his personal calls, which is why he has two phones. I would ask him about it honestly and listen to what he has to say.

Well, that depends. Ask yourself, what are your intentions? Then you will have your answer.

Can you perhaps try and figure out what's off? Ask her directly, or invest time in her, at least. Do things together, show her you're strong, fun, adventurous, humorous, interesting, attractive. However, you can also reasonably expect a fair degree of effort from her side. Though sex is a very delicate thing, especially when mixed with the word 'obligation'. The best course of action is to talk things through.

Is it a shared computer? If so, there are many ways. Search for email or account passwords or other evidence hidden in unlikely places (system folders are a good start), or look for any guest accounts or other strange accounts you don't recognize. People often create fake accounts for the purposes of cheating or cruising for dates. If you can access his/her email account, check the sent mail folder to see who he has been contacting.

You can, but I would try gathering evidence on your own first.

It could be. Maybe she's talking about cheating to help herself, to tell herself that cheating is okay. But, maybe you did some things that make her suspicious. Sit down and have a serious talk about it with her.

No. By itself this doesn't mean anything. My phone is mine, yours is yours, his is his. I have no business going through his phone, neither do you or he through yours. Just because he doesn't show you his phone doesn't mean anything. In fact, if he has agreed to marry you, that's a huge symbol of his love for you. I would focus on that.

Be careful - in many states, it's not legal to record someone without their permission. You could find yourself in some legal trouble here. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your spouse about your ability to trust her. If you can't mend your relationship, you might want to seek counseling.

Sounds like a defense mechanism. He loves you, but he cheated. That's an internal conflict in his heart. Some people deal with that by downplaying the love between you two. "She doesn't love me anyway, so I was not in the wrong to cheat." As you talk about this with him, try and find a way to get him to realize he was wrong, that there is indeed love, while at the same time not forcing him down on his knees. Gracefully allow him to save face and admit he was wrong at the same time. That is, if you feel you can find it in your heart to do so.

You don't. The only way to be sure is to live your entire life and look back right before you die, if your partner hasn't cheated again at that point, only then will you be 100% sure. Everything else is trust. Now, someone who never cheated before, is less likely to cheat than someone who has already done it. So there's that. However, if it's been five days since they promised never to cheat again, that's not enough time to be sure about anything, if it's been five years, you can be pretty sure. The real question is, do you want to spend five years with this partner just to see if they will or will not cheat again?

You can, if he consents to it.

She is almost certainly hiding something from you. Try talking to her about this. Keep the conversation as calm as possible. If you're angry, she's less likely to open up to you.

Talk to her and try to have an honest conversation. You can also use Win-Spy mobile spy software on her phone. I will capture everything she does on her phone.

Honestly, at this point, do you really care? He's your ex. That means you have divorced, separated, left him. So leave him in the past. If they were having sex while you were married, well, you're divorced now. Your beef is not with her; you have nothing to do with her. It's not like she trapped him, poured glue over him, taped him to the wall and had her way with him, all against his wishes; this happened with his consent. But it's in the past, you're divorced now. It is impossible to say if she did or did not have sex with him, based on a few words.